The Dreamer

I dreamt of him again last night.

I don’t know what his presence symbolises but I have come to look forward to his
visits. His name is Rae and he is tall, strong and dangerously handsome. He has a thick head of black ringlets and the most exquisite deep blue eyes, like sapphires. I have been dreaming of him every night for the last year.

I have become increasingly isolated from my friends and family since his arrival, they just seem incredibly insignificant compared to him. I refer to my best friend Serena who is the world’s biggest chatter-box and my abusive alcoholic father whose fists can knock me into the middle of next week.

I am at school and whilst Serena prattles on about Doctor Who my thoughts are of Rae and his urging me to join him, “Ivy come to me…” If only I could! I know he is a dream but he feels so real; the way he looks at me with those sapphire eyes turns my legs to jelly. I yearn for him.

“Ivy!” Serena interrupts my thoughts inconsiderately. “Are you even listening to me? It was the best episode ever the Doctor actually managed to astral project and walk into his dream and save his assistant, how cool is that?”

“Astral what?” I ask, my interest piqued.

“Astral projection. And when he found her he realised that he loved her and brought her back to the real world. How romantic!” Serena sighs dramatically.

“What is astral projecting?” I ask with urgency. Maybe I could use this technique to reach Rae?

“It’s like a deep form of meditation, where you can like, separate from your physical body and explore the astral plane in your dream body. I’ve heard it can be dangerous though and if you go too far you can end up severing the link to your physical body and you will be trapped in the astral plane forever and your actual body like, dies.”


“Ah, interesting.” I feign indifference, but my heart it pounding uncontrollably. This is it! This is how I can find Rae. I don’t know if it’s my imagination but I can almost hear his voice echo “Yes, yes. Come to me.”

“Ivy are you ok?” I see Serena’s concerned brown eyes.

I take the time to study my friend, trying to etch her image in my memory in case this goes drastically wrong. Her auburn hair is in pigtails framing rosy cheeks dusted with freckles, her hands are covered in writings and random doodles but it is her warm brown eyes that I would miss the most, shining with excitement and fairy tales.

“I’m good Serena.” I swallow the burgeoning lump in my throat. “You are such a great friend, you have gotten me through the tough times, you know with my dad and all…”

The school bell rings, symbolising the end of the school day but I can’t help but think it is the last school bell I will ever hear. I shake the doubts out of my head, hug a bewildered Serena and run home at full speed.

***

I lay on my bed surrounded by the flickering lights of all the candles around me. I can smell the patchouli incense stick filling my lungs with its pungent scent and my breathing is slow.

I had been trying to astral project for over an hour and still nothing was happening.

I was in such a state of relaxation that I didn’t hear my father enter the room. I smelt him rather than heard him.

“What do you call thissssss?” he slurs. I can smell the whisky on his breath, the patchouli desperately trying to overpower him and failing. “Where’sss my dinner?” He yells angrily, stamping his feet.

Crap! I had totally lost track of the time. “Oh I am so sorry! I will start it straight away!”

I go to sit up but he is on top of me within a heartbeat.

“You useless bitch!” He spits and slaps me across the face. “Your mother should have got rid of you like I wanted!”

He slaps me again and this time I feel the skin split. I try to push him from me but he overpowers me.

“You are nothing to me do you hear that? Nothing!” And with one final blow he knocks me unconscious.

I am unsure of how long I have been out but the crack in the curtains tells me it is late. I try to get up but have to steady myself as my head spins. I stagger to the bathroom and sob out loud when I see my reflection. My lip is at least triple the size and the blood has run down my chin and dried and both cheeks glow scarlet and hint at deep bruises to come.

I tiptoe down the stairs and to my relief the front door is wide open and the rain is heavy, almost horizontal. I close and lock it in the knowledge that I probably won’t see my dad for a day or so.

I drag my weary legs to my room. There is blood on the bed sheets so I strip and change the bed until other than my face there is no sign of the assault.

I lay on my back, numb. I stare at the ceiling through the remnants of incense smoke and just lie there.

Some time passes before I feel a prickling at my scalp, I feel like something is in my head peeling back the layers like an onion. I feel dizzy and nauseous like I am on a fairground ride and grip the sides of the bed in my struggle. I feel like I am floating, levitating, being carried. Up, up, up until all of a sudden it stops. Like a candle being blown out all is still.

I look around bewildered and my bowels turn to water as I realise I have crossed to the astral plane.

***

My emotions are that of horror and joy, fear and elation. I look around at the hazy landscape and my breath eludes me. It is absolutely stunning. I seem to be in some sort of desert for there is sand everywhere but it is never still, it is flowing like the ocean and is almost translucent. I tear my gaze from it for fear of vomiting, it is incredibly disorientating. I get the impression that if I smoked too much marijuana the feeling would be similar. I feel like I am wearing 3D glasses; the landscape ebbs and flows like the sea yet is solid because I am standing on it.

My dream body doesn’t seem aware of the temperature and as I look down at myself I realise I am naked but also beautiful. My hair reaches my hips and flows like spun gold and my skin is pale and glows lucid. I am a body of energy rather than solid flesh and like the scenery my skin and hair seems to be ever- moving like a current of power.

“I knew you would come.” I turn abruptly to see an angel before me. Rae.

I am rendered speechless and so Rae walks towards me, a wonderful smile playing with his lips. He is even more beautiful than I remember; his curly hair looks like it is alive and his eyes are so dazzling that I suddenly feel very lightheaded.

“Rae...” I whisper. But he hushes me by placing his lips on mine and my world explodes. His kiss transports me to a feeling of such happiness that I wonder whether I have in fact died instead of astral projected because I was positively in heaven.

He pulls away and we are both bursts of bright quivering energy.

“Ivy, I can scarcely believe you are in front of me. I never thought your astral body would be so, so beautiful...” He trails off overwhelmed.

I feel my skin glow brighter. “Am I in Heaven?” I whisper.

He beams. “No. But you are closer to Heaven now than before.”

“How did you find me? Why have you been calling for me?” I ask.

“Ivy, I have wandered these planes for many years and one day I heard your voice. I felt the pain, turmoil and desperation and I couldn’t forget you. I heard your pleas for help. I called for you and one day I felt your presence and knew you had heard me.”

He brushes his fingers across my lips. “I did hear you.” I say breathless.

I wrap my arms around him and the comfort and security is beyond anything I have ever experienced.  It is wonderful.


“Come.” Rae takes my hand and leads me towards a cave.

I crawl inside through a series of tunnels all the while following Rae. There are great masses of crystals embedded into the cave walls unlike anything I have seen before; they make a distant humming noise. Eventually we reach the end and when I exit the tunnel I am in a different world all over again.

I am in a magnificent forest and the foliage is higher than the eye can see. The leaves are fluorescent greens and crimson reds and chocolate browns. The trees run with a liquid that forms in to great chunks of clear quartz on the forest floor. The whole place is shimmering. I hear a chorus of frogs and spy one by the hollow of a tree it has clear, lucid skin and I can see its internals. It catches a fly and its tongue is as yellow as a celandine. There are even giant Primula Scoticas growing, a flower native to Northern Scotland!

“What do you think?” Rae tears my gaze from the surreal surroundings.

“Oh Rae this place is wonderful!” My eyes hurt from the colours and hues of this magical, enchanted forest.

Rae turns to embrace me but his face is that of horror. “Ivy you are fading!”

“I am? What’s happening?”

I feel a shock run through my body and for a moment I am lying on my bed and I can feel arms shaking me. Someone is trying to wake me up! But who? The stench or liquor answers my question.

I am back in the forest. “Rae he is coming for me! He is going to hurt me again!”

“Your father? Oh Ivy I wish I could save you!” There is desperation in his voice.

“Rae go back to your body and help me!”

I can feel the connection with my dream body fading.

“I can’t Ivy I am dead, I don’t have a body!” Rae cries and his drops crystallise into black onyx as they hit the ground.


“Rae I don’t want to go back I want to stay!” I look down at my hands and notice they are slowing disappearing.

Rae looks at me. “You can’t Ivy, if you stay your physical body will no longer be, you will have nothing to go back to, you will be dead.”

I square my flickering shoulders and come to a realisation. “I don’t have anything to go back to…”

With my last remaining strength I run for all that I am towards Rae until suddenly I hear a tearing sound. I feel pain from my physical body but ignore it and with a snap I realise I have severed the link between my two bodies.

I wake up in Rae’s arms on the forest floor, we look at each other and all that I had in the physical world is a distant blur. This is my life now.

Rae cups my chin and kisses me. “Ivy, I have loved you since I first heard your cries for help. I will never hurt you.”

He pulls me to my feet and I feel things I have never felt before but I am safe in the knowledge that we have forever to explore this new world of ours.