Revisting the Past

The house wasn't the same to her any more. She wandered through the empty rooms, the kitchen where she had drawn Man Carter's chair up to the old wood stove propping her feet on the open oven door to keep warm while reading on a chilly winter's night.

The kitchen had been the hub of the house, where most guests were entertained, everyone sitting around the old wooden table drinking coffee, playing cards or just visiting.

She remembered the delicious scents that had once filled that old kitchen the sweet smells of jams and jelly, the fragrance of fresh baked bread, the spicy smell of Christmas fruitcake.  The strong tang of horse radish being ground that caused her eyes and nose to burn and tears to run down her face. She remembered coming down the stairs early in the morning to the rich aroma of fresh coffee brewing on the stove.

She moved gracefully through the living room, glanced at the two downstairs bedrooms then moved up the stairs to the loft, two rooms with sloping ceilings. This was the space she had tried to make her own, the only place in the house where she had a small degree of privacy. She could sense, such sadness here, loneliness and broken dreams. Here she had cried her heart out, sat in the dark and gazed out the window at the shadowy night.  Here she had smoked her first cigarette and here she had learned to sew, remodelling second hand clothes with needle and thread to wear to school the next day.

The house was empty now, everyone close to her was gone, and there was really no reason for her to stay so she said goodbye to the past and left the old house. She would have to find a new place.

No one noticed her as she drifted through the neighbourhood.  Dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, she was a paler and sadder version of the person she had been. Her fair hair flowing around her shoulders she made her way up the hill.

She felt drawn to an older house and stopped in front of it.  It looked inviting.  A young girl was sitting on the front steps of the house reading. The girl had short blond hair and a freckled face that looked a little sad. She reminded her of herself at that age, so totally immersed in her book.  Perhaps a kindred spirit...
She moved closer and the girl looked up and smiled at her then said 'Hi"

She was astonished "You can see me?" she asked.
"Of course I can see you," the girl replied, "Why would you think I can't see you?"

"No one else can see me," she said sadly, "I'm dead."
"Oh, that," the girl said dismissively, "I am too, it's very inconvenient, isn't it?  What is your name?"

"Sarah. I'm looking for a new place," she said.

'Why?" asked the girl on the steps.

"There was nothing left at my old house, nothing worth staying for, anyway."

The girl looked at her seriously.  "Why don't you cross over?"

'I can't find my way," she said.  "Why haven't you?"
"Come inside'" the girl invited.

They entered the house, as the door closed softly behind them a woman looked toward them startled.  Her face was pale and there shadows under her eyes.  The women appeared to look right through them. "Anna?" the woman whispered, then sighed deeply and returned to the sink full of dishes.
"That's my mum," the girl said, "She still needs me.  How can I leave her?"

"I don't think staying is helping her, Anna.  She needs to move on, I think we all do."

Anna looked at her for a long time then nodded her head.  She silently went to her mother and hugged her gently. She said "Goodbye Mum, I love you."

The woman smiled and looked comforted.  Anna turned and looked past Sarah at a light shimmering in the distance. "That is where we cross over," Anna gestured to the light. "Are you coming?"

Sarah gazed at the radiant glow that seemed to be calling her with the promise of peace and rest for her weary soul. No more wandering, no more dwelling on the hurts and betrayals she had dealt with during her lifetime and was carrying around even after death.  Just rest and peace at last.  A smile spread across her face and joy filled her heart.  She reached for Anna's hand and together they walked into the light.