One Wish

*First- I'd like to say I didn't want to get in trouble for under rating it so I put ASR. Second- I wasn't sure what category this belongs but I had assumed when I wrote this to be a poem.*



Summary; In a new class, I was asked, if there's one wish you could wish for, what would it be. Now, being reasonable I put something lame. I mean why put something meaningful if it's only a teacher that I will be forced to return to every weekday is going to see it? I don't want to end up in a mental hospital, at least not that way--anywho, here's what I really wanted to write down. It wouldn't stop bugging me since it's been inside for a while. Thanks for reading.

If I had one wish, it would be to yell. Want to know why? Read on.



I hate it,

When I feel it.

I know when it's coming.

That feeling,

The feeling.

The desperate need to shout, to yell.

Anything really at this point,

I want to release my anger, my sadness, my hurt.

In a painful scream, primal, raw.

So much piling on,

One minute believing life is beautiful,

That love is real, pure.

The next planning an escape,

Knowing love is tied to hurt on so many levels.

A shaky breath, knowing it's no use,

Too much of a coward,

To selfish to leave all I love behind.

A painful scream, primal, raw.

Building up inside

For who knows how long.

Coming out as whimpers....tears,

I hate myself for it. Pathetic.

A falling smile,

Never quite real anyways.

Buts it's all they see,all you see,

To blind to know it's really killing me.

A painful scream,primal, raw,

This soul too broken, too hurt, too confused,

So far gone.

That, is why my one wish would be to express my feelings in an incoherent shout, raw with years of emotional scarring and mentally going insane. But of course no one sees. No one cares. That this "Kind and Gentle" heart is shattering, that it's their fault.

I like being alone, so my feelings don't get hurt. But I have yet to find that my soul yearns for company, even the demons such as they. I wonder if maybe I like getting hurt?

That's what my parents tell me..... That I do stupid things, that I mess up because I like being yelled at..... that..... I like being degraded by their harsh words. But guess what? I don't. I don't like getting hurt, I try to be helpful but they criticize me, they hate that I even wasted their time. But of course, when they need a favor they treat me to open arms.

I'm sorry my mother's mother died when she was young, but that doesn't mean my own mommy can't be here for me.

I'm sorry my dad had it rough as a child, but that doesn't mean I'm strong like him. That I can handle so much under way more pressure. I'm just weak. Because of them.

But of course. It doesn't matter. I don't matter. I want only one thing now. Not their love. Not their kindness, not anyone's pity. Just a scream. But i can't. It isn't in my nature. One can only wish though...