Nelson's World

I lifted my head slowly as I heard a rustling outside the window.  The movement was awkward because I lay on my side with my face pressed up against the glass and my tail and left hind leg jutting off the back of the sill.  In any case there was nothing interesting to see – simply David, my human, fussing about with a selection of carrier bags, an umbrella and a set of keys.  I watched lazily with some amusement as he tried to juggle the combination of items in order to open the front door.  I suppose he was too stupid to use a flap or else he would have had a bigger one installed.

The human entered with a barrage of profanity and an almighty clatter as he dropped his wares on the tiled floor of the hallway.  Jax leaped in terror from the arm of the sofa where he had been perched for the last twenty minutes and bolted out of the back door (probably to the back of the compost bin which was his favourite hiding place – plus – he liked to eat worms).  Jax had only been with us a short time and he wasn’t used to this kind of human activity.  When I finally managed to engage him in conversation, he advised me that he had previously lived with an elderly lady who had nurtured him since he was a baby and had no other animals living in the house.  Unfortunately the conversation was cut short at this point with the human – David – yelling at us to “Stop that freaking caterwauling in the middle of the night and go and catch some mice or something”, which was ridiculous because I have never caught a mouse in my life and I doubt Jax has either.

As the human entered the doorway, seemingly having composed himself from the debacle on the doorstep, he suddenly let out an almighty cry and lunged across the room shouting Pedro’s name like the house was on fire.  Pedro – who is possibly even more stupid than David himself – looked up with an expression of annoyance mixed with vacancy only to find himself hauled in to the air and dumped discourteously on the carpet to an onslaught of verbal abuse.  I eyed him smugly.  I had told him not to sit on that pile of clean washing.

Whilst the human tried unsuccessfully to brush the long white hairs from his black shirt I wondered whether now was a good time to try and wangle a snack.  Carrier bags meant for certain that something delicious would be available and usually all you had to do was a bit of purring and head butting of your human’s leg to get one, but David seemed to be in an unusually miserable mood.  I tried to think about the reasons for this and a possible solution when Jax saved the day by poking his Siamese face round the corner before making the unprecedented move of sneaking forward and sniffing the human’s trouser leg.  So ecstatic was the latter to have the young cat within stroking distance that without further ado he produced a packet of DREAMIES from his coat pocket and tipped some on to the floor.  I allowed Jax a moment before jumping down to join him, stretching out my paws as I walked across to the little party.  David laughed and bent down to ruffle my fur – “Oh, I thought YOU would suddenly wake up when the DREAMIES appeared, Nelson!” He said.  I purred and butted my head in to his leg.

Pedro was still sulking in the corner, washing himself.  The cat was obsessed – vain and stupid; what a companion.

DREAMIES exhausted, I thought I would take a wander out to the conservatory  and have a chat with Vale.  I know all of Catkind will probably chide me for saying this but, considering he’s a rabbit, he is about the most sensible creature living in my house - next to myself of course.  I flopped down next to his run in the small patch of sunshine which remained before evening.  Vale barely looked up from the lettuce he was chomping on.  I made a face.

“You would do well to eat some of this yourself”.  He said, slowly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing – just, well, you aren’t a kitten any more.  Look how fat you’re getting!  When’s the last time you went out for a run?”

“BASTET!  I didn’t come out here for abuse.” I grumbled, knowing in my heart that he was right.  Portia from number 32 was never going to come to the Jellicle Ball with me if I didn’t cut down on those DREAMIES.  Still, I had tried lettuce, and it was disgusting.

Suddenly the human David appeared.

“What are you doing out here, miaowing at the rabbit?!” He exclaimed.  I was about to tell him we were in the middle of a conversation when he picked me up and proceeded to carry me inside, closing the conservatory door behind him.  I shouted goodbye to Vale (who was starting on a carrot) over his shoulder.

David plonked me down on the sofa and I couldn’t be bothered to move to another spot so I made myself comfortable and stretched out on the cushion.  Pedro, having forgotten his wounded pride jumped up on David’s lap and even Jax made an appearance, sitting on the floor by the coffee table.  David opened a big, brightly coloured pack of some crunchy things – DREAMIES for humans I suppose.  Not quite as bad as rabbit food but still disgusting.  The television flickered on and some human was caterwauling on the screen.  Pedro circled the human’s lap three times and then settled down in a furry ball.  My eyes were closing – it had been a long day.

I began to purr……..

974 WORDS