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My journals and path ,following my Master raw unedited sometimes written from subspace
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| Journal Entries: 7/22/2013 10:58:14 AM [Report Entry] floating and floating and floating -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/22/2013 7:00:13 AM [Report Entry] rested, balanced,reflecting,growing -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/20/2013 9:45:43 AM [Report Entry] Quiet unbearable tension -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/19/2013 10:25:53 AM [Report Entry] second entry for today, drips and drips , breathing deep, begging, crawling, pleading, worshipping....as He taunts and taunts me.......pushing my buttons...tries to distract myself , its impossible. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/19/2013 8:26:44 AM [Report Entry] days of extreme begging , pleading crawling and torment, agony even thinking or saying the words to Him Journal Entries: 7/31/2013 9:50:33 AM [Report Entry] driving doing errands close to home , then His message making me drive home as fast as possible...safely.. rushing in clothes coming off as fast as possible ..........feeling my body soak.......as it evolves............... words nasty naughty penetrate sweet drops yessss Sir Lord exercise toy total Control -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/26/2013 11:50:40 AM [Report Entry] His fingers touching and circling and stimulating as I squeeze them tight and move my mouth forward, all the way down to the base of His cock...MOANSSSS and lets go as He feels my release on His fingers and through my mouth new found trust blissful high melting -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/23/2013 3:30:41 PM [Report Entry] welcoming words to the new one that took little steps closer today...smiles ...I look forward to reading her words each day and watching her grow. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/23/2013 9:04:32 AM [Report Entry] The baby girl follows him around crawling on the floor , whimpering, her little fingers reach out trying to touch and feel. and taste and kiss.....she listens to His calm voice and words.."wait baby wait , be patient and Daddy is going to feed you " Patiently she follows and listens and shifts under His words and commands as His darkest parts emerge,her mind listening to His dark words , her body reacting on its own, Her eyes close for a moment and when they are open the color has shifted to BLACK........... it begins..........at the end she realized how He had shifted her back and forth.....and how it was not Daddy that intended to feed her.....mmmmmmm She was taught what worship and feeding really are.........ritualistic ...the training naturally falling into place.. His words are my words, without Him there would be silence, there would be no color in my eyes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7/23/2013 7:39:05 AM [Report Entry] really loves how collarme takes days to catch up to my picture changes, now in my edit profile they all seem right but if I view all my pics it still has the ones I deleted. But they added the new one? Yesterday if I went to look at it in the list of who is online it would show different pics than if I viewed my profile. If you click on the photo arrows one at a time it shows you different photos than if you select view all photos. The select view all still shows the ones that I deleted and they do show that if I tried to edit my profile.Master will think I did not follow his instruction on the picture changes..we all get what we pay for her, grins Journal Entries: 8/17/2013 8:02:41 AM [Report Entry] My words are simple yet powerful all of this is so incredible that it makes me have no words at all, just needing to soar under Your control following wherever you take me, until there is nothing left of me at all until you bring me back. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/9/2013 10:27:44 AM [Report Entry] I found this today . Its one of the first things I wrote Him in the beginning. It showed him where my mind was at before He started teaching me but also where I felt He could take me. She stood there bound. He slowly moved closer to her but never touched her. She moaned and her eyes rolled back. There were a few people in the room watching in amazement. This was like nothing they had ever seen before.He did not even touch her? What they did not know or ever understand is that if he was fucking her it would have nothing to do with fucking. She would be moaning and begging for him to never stop because its him inside of her , His power, His dominance, not just his cock. His energy and how he connects with her all the time , not just during sex. So actually he does not even have to touch her. For her to feel him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/8/2013 11:57:10 AM [Report Entry] The tighter He binds, the calmer I get, meaning in daily life. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/6/2013 12:56:56 PM [Report Entry] He taunts me as I sit in His agony Burning need inside of me that He builds up, knowing I need to explode , I wake this way in the mornings. Today He taunts and taunts and using my agony ....telling me to be still as He savors , I tell him over and over how full I am , how much I need to explode all over him, thinking of anything trying to earn the right to be allowed release to Him. He does not have to keep me waiting days and days, just a few hours and I need to explode because of where He takes me everyday. Water does run down my cheeks but it is not tears it the pressure he builds up inside of me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/2/2013 10:10:31 AM [Report Entry] The normal feminine wiles do not work with Him. Vanilla things...offering pussy, just a fuck, none of that works with Him. The only thing that will earn a response or reward is true submission. He can feel it and knows when it is real. It may not be deep submission in the beginning but He knows real from pretending just to get what someone wants. When I first started with Him , it was so hard for me to let go, even when I was alone. I would think of torture, extreme pain, I even tried some of it in person. Yes the torture would get me off but I still craved. Over time with Him He showed me how much higher I could soar through mental connection . How it took less and less time for me to get there. He showed me where the power is at and the depths or heights it can take me . Connecting with Him and feeling Him in the way can not be achieved through the physical aspects. Its just not possible. They can be added to enhance and it does not have to be extreme hard physical play. He can make me feeling anything that a physical instrument can inflict on me . He showed me how soft it can be but still dark , the dark parts of my mind . How it feels when He goes there with me. He can flog or cane me with His words as He has demonstrated many times ..... How it feels when I say things back to him that I can only trust Him with, The deep trust makes me fly higher, it all ties together, the more I would trust and let go and let Him in the higher I go. He uses sex to explore the dark parts of my mind , which makes me need Him inside of me, The need deeper than anything I have ever felt , and then He completes the need. adding on 12:15 pm drags myself out of bed and over to my computer , been hours all morning of him spinning me , juice that He owns running down between my legs , I hardly have control of my fingers enough to type, hard convulsions of pleasure all morning to the poing all he had to do is say a couple of words to take me over again..........Teaching me He feeds in a deeper place and how to feed like Him. If I ask or need I get what I need if I have served Him well. He knows my submission is genuine. I went through many tests and Have done many things to show Him my submission . I work hard everyday to keep my place with Him. He has helped me grow in so many ways. 8/26/2013 11:08:10 AM [Report Entry] the pauses between words the words and silence... thrusts the pure true Dominance radiating from Him melting me begging Him to take and take whatever He needs from whoever He needs to take it from -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/24/2013 7:50:41 PM [Report Entry] inhalessss deeply and remembers Your scent....weakness inside of me to my core....remembers over and over the words spoken , as You enjoyed my agony and gasps and moans and You controlled each one.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/23/2013 8:19:02 AM [Report Entry] I get many emails from others saying how lucky He is, I am the one that is lucky. I am what He has molded . I am still being trained and taught. I write what He has taught me and what comes inside from Him. I can never express enough my gratitude and how fortunate I feel to experience what He has allowed me. It is Him coming from inside of me that others feel when they view me and read my words. slavechanda -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8/21/2013 12:06:14 PM [Report Entry] spending the morning on the floor, literally not being able to move as I beg Him to allow me to keep feeling where I am, total weakness and high, shaking and trembling , feeling His energy over me as He pushes me down. my body flowing freely Into: always being hungry for him, begging (giving), being used for lubrication (receiving), beyond physical sex, biting (receiving), body worship (giving), bondage, bound with a rope around my neck (receiving), choking (receiving), crawling (giving), crawling until i am unable to crawl (giving), darkness, doing anything it takes for him to say mmmmm (giving), doing exactly as he says., doing whatever it takes to create his drops, dominant men, dragons, emotional masochism, exhibitionism (everything to do with it), fire, flying in subspace, genuine and deep submission, the heartfelt kind that comes from trust, respect, lust, and mental and emotional connection, growling (everything to do with it), having my nipples grinded with his teeth (receiving), having so much trust no safeword is needed, having the need to be forced that he created, his hand and teeth on my throat, hot breath blown against my clit (receiving), kneeling and looking up, licking before and after the bite, masochism, master/slave, masters darkness (receiving), masters dominant cock (everything to do with it), masters milk (receiving), masters whispers, mental bdsm (everything to do with it), mental bondage (everything to do with it), mental domination (receiving), milking his cock through my submission, mind fuck, my tight encasement not letting drops escape (giving), offering my nipple to his flame (giving), pleading (giving), poly (everything to do with it), primal carnal needs, providing whatever he needs, submission from my core, sucumbing to his deep bites, swallowing, sweating from lust, the feeling you get when you look up at him (everything to do with it), the power of the mind (receiving), the sound of a belt being removed, total mental domination (receiving), tpe (receiving), true dominance that shines through, true dominance, submission, mental bondage, unspoken commands (receiving), voyer. Journal Entries: 9/16/2013 10:47:11 AM [Report Entry] His darkness slut it started with my fingers in my cunt waking up telling Him I was starving I showered, my fingers brushing my sensitive clit with suds , swollen and aching for Him. I finished and spread open for Him.He taunted me with His cock head as I begged and begged with my slickness spread open. He shoved ...I let go , squeezing Him as tight as possible needing to suck Him in completely. My body convulsing , losing all control , hard to speak. but begging for marks that do not go away..being choked and then shoved off to suck hard for my soul food...gulping , begging for every drop . Conversing as my fingers stuffed my cunt as told while on the bed spread open. Being told to do house chores with my cunt full waiting to cum for Him again.....delicious... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/10/2013 12:38:32 PM [Report Entry] ( modified) ...As a sub/slave your needs should be met but you should also realize that its about His needs not only yours. Its about giving not just taking, its about being open to being pushed not forced or molded into His needs trusting He will fill yours.He waits until I ask and then He fulfills. He teaches me to submit from within what He molds me into is what serving truly is and how pleasurable all of it is. Its not about coming into the darkness only when you need to be fulfilled and then leaving without giving back. Its not about finding other ways to feed yourself when He needs you to wait for the time He needs you to serve and then you can't be found. I have made many of the mistakes I have spoke of but when I did I was not doing it intentionally. I really was sincere about wanting to learn what real serving is about and grow from it. Even recently I realized how much I kept asking for pleasure and not asking to give more. He showed me He could fulfill my needs but I had to learn to give my submission to continue to get the pleasures. I have learned to not go looking for darkness or to try to feed myself. It never works and it can't feed me completely as He can and If I do try to get it somewhere else, I know I will not be fed His food for awhile. I see so many profiles that seem to have at least real girls not the money makers scammers or boys pretending to be girls but they list all these things of how they need to be controlled or Dominated . With my master I have no safe words, I never have. He says If I can't trust Him to know my limits I should not be with Him. I agree. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/8/2013 10:05:40 AM [Report Entry] He told me he would call on my way to work yesterday. I found a place to park and inserted my ass plug in my cunt. I am very tight so my cunt fits around the shape of it snug. It works well if I am told to leave a toy in all day . Its a medium size plug which is still small..its a good sensation when my cunt retracts . I wrote Him explaining my situation..if I moved my hips a certain angle the bottom base of the plug rubbed my clit .He called and said all the things that make me twitch cream collecting on the base of the toy..the words that he speaks I feel..He told me to go work with my cunt full of toy all day..he Said he may keep me that way for a month..he sent a note later ...as i read I went down over my desk and the cream again oozing over the base of the toy..my body in heat as he keeps me this way..he controls my cum..its impossible for me to cum on my own..my mind is His and only He knows how to push the triggers I need Mental domination..power exchange but when I let go its sexual The feeling when He hovers over me is sexual...I crave submitting to pain or submitting in a sexual way..I do not have to be fucking but the Domination of my mind is a sexual feeling for me ....it turns me into a pure slut and white begging for use..pain..rough sex...I fight hard and he learned my mind and Mastered me..Its frustrating when I get email after email of those that don't get it. They think that anyone would be able to tell me to do something I would have the same reaction...It has to do with the mental connection , years of work and conversations , trust being built etc. He can take me from being irritated at work etc to melting and loosing all control in a few seconds. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/7/2013 6:42:52 AM [Report Entry] To Primal Words (Master)Please allow me to crawl through anything..fire..nails..piss..glass..to be allowed to kneel in front of You..just to kneel even if that's all I am allowed.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/4/2013 9:57:55 PM [Report Entry] How does one explain to others something you can't see or touch or feel...explaining something that is so powerful but invisible. Only that ones that have felt it know and they are rare. a fullness inside a burning a need a hunger, the feeling of being bound 24/7. The pull when I think of something I know I should not do.His ablility in a few seconds taking me from functional to loss of control and how He can do so from miles away. .........pondering how it took so many hours and so much work and building trust and bringing down walls , learning my mind, my triggers, my buttons, implanting triggers .... to most they would just see the words or hear the words we speak to each other, They would be able to see my eyes roll back and my breathing change , swallowing hard, panting, the water that runs out of me, trying to keep some kind of control to type or speak , hearing Him keep going or sometimes stopping or saying things to pull me out and then right back into flight... my mind following his words his tone ...following trusting....begging to give him as much pleasure as He allows me to feel. The cycles.....when I fight and then He knows its time to take me there again...so hard to learn and ask , forgetting to ask when I fight...but the fight against the ropes rare now.............I just sit calmly needing in hunger waiting, its not being on edge its not just needing to cum, He could feed me and the next day the hunger the needs my scent my wetness my body radiating because of where he takes me. Journal Entries: 10/1/2013 6:45:05 PM [Report Entry] Drops down at Your feet arms and all parts open...reads Your journal my Lord -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/30/2013 8:12:16 AM [Report Entry] It went on for a couple of days.It always goes on but the intensity..letting me simmer...I would be at work and sneak my phone,read and then my face would go down on my desk..shaking trying to be inconspicuous.I told him I was going to cum while working without even touching myself. He typed back...yes you are... I would be talking and interacting on the phone at work my voice quivering, my tone and breathing they had to wonder what was going on. I have learned long ago that I have to follow completely, submit, never try to resist. No tantrums . He knows...if I type one word sometimes He can feel my tone if its not my usually pattern of words. What most still do not understand is I sense Him , i feel him by just concentrating in between communications. I close my eyes and feel .. I may be working and time passes without communication but I get that feeling and I check and then I have a message . He gave me a time frame that I would know something . The time came and passed. I sat in my car and watched the clock.My being in agony....I didn't fight I gave in and I sent notes begging for more pain if it would serves Him. I described my agony of not being able to drive because of my hunger for Him. After what seemed like an eternity He allowed me my reward. Later that night as my mind replayed sitting in a warm bath my body was twitching from top to bottom . I woke up today with fire inside of me ...drenched in sweat...begging to always being allowed to be near Him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/26/2013 5:09:44 PM [Report Entry] An evening of house chores and yard work as I feel Masters heat flowing through me. He is busy at work . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/24/2013 3:37:12 PM [Report Entry] My walk inspired thoughts that I needed to write. I grew up in a very small town. Everyone knew all secrets about everyone. If you did something wrong everyone knew before you made it home. The males were very territorial. It was almost as though they had patrols and they guarded the outskirts of the town, by foot or by vehicle . If outsiders came in they usually left in not very good condition. People disappeared in mine shafts...no im not kidding. We all grew up on the river.... keg parties at young ages. bon fires. homemade moonshine..The high school initiation was drinking hot pepper juice out of baby bottles that had been seasoned for months. I remember being a very small girl on a ladder in a tree catching caterpillar worms for fishing bait with my granddad and sitting on a roof or a houseboat watching him repair it. It rocked with the waves of the river . The very few people that I gave my trust to broke it. I craved darkness even then sneaking out my window to find it. It takes so fucking much to gain my complete trust. Master has gained it . All of it. There are many many things I have learned but today I would like to list that I need darkness . Yes I need Dominance, Control , approval to please but I just need darkness. I am not ashamed of what I am because it is me. It is my core and if my darkness is not fed, all hell breaks loose as I have found over and over. All of us need everyday life and yes vanilla things. Its a balance . For me I can't mix it because I would not get what I need and keep searching for darker things. But I am a very dark girl , I want to say child because I have that part of me also but He has taught me to grow and be strong and understand the world through different eyes. Thank You Master. Thank you for giving me weak legs for hours after your use today -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9/17/2013 1:44:50 PM [Report Entry] He gives me the ability to fly To be picked up Taken into the night He has taught me not to fear , I beg to fly over and over never knowing if it will be the last time. He has taught me strength and patience. Its the way with all things never knowing if everyday is the last. He never told me, you have to trust, you walls must come down , He just kept doing what He does . Standing firm not moving. Patient, Dominant, In control....If I followed I would follow ,never interfering with the natural flow of how things should unfold, but leading the way down the path. I didn't know or realize how lucky I was and how rare it was to learn and what a gift it was to be able to experience it. My submission always the key to be allowed flight. thank you again to the ones that do write me emails that do understand it and can see the real meaning behind my words. Thank you Master, kneels in worship Journal Entries: 10/14/2013 6:17:06 PM [Report Entry] Please do whatever You need if it gives You pleasure Master -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/12/2013 8:56:08 AM [Report Entry] I awoke in a very dark place... pacing...sniffing trying to find more and more darkness...mmmmm...messages Master.....fuckkkkkk... I know He was talking to me in my sleep. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/11/2013 8:01:03 AM [Report Entry] shuddering kneeling arms open shuddering crawling shuddering sitting when I write about Him I shudder no matter what place, position ...He resonates through me . I can understand why some do fear ... so powerful so different .I was never one to fear the unknown ...walking up to it and walking inside . inside of me ...my being, my core my existence in darkness and I shudder If He comes near I shudder for hours after He stops. Its like I am hooked up to a pulsing current . His tone His words His presence His True Dominance His darkness which takes me high The way He sees every little need and fulfills which in turn makes me naturally beg and ask and crawl to serve recently being told of things to come, things when I hear I stop whatever I am doing ...I cant move ..I cant speak I can only feel. Begging to have ever breath controlled in darkness . Thank You my Lord Journal Entries: 10/24/2013 8:48:09 PM [Report Entry] exactly as Master says...exactly.. It is about submission..... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/23/2013 9:20:19 AM [Report Entry] trained to spread myself open ...begging offering...begging from my soul to be used begging for pain slave possession eyes glazed from His presence ...why can others not see how powerful mental is and why the connection must be there for it to be real....why they only see fucking and never look deeper high knowing how lucky I am to have a Master that knows...not about abuse or force leading with Dominance ..creating need inside of me ...the need overwhelming as I beg and ask. Its not about all of the other elements that others keep taking out one by one or kink or just sex or just play ... dog whore bitch in heat begging to absorb any form of pain to fulfill his needs and desires... my body seeping from need ..craving Him...all of me open ..mind and body... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/22/2013 7:40:33 AM [Report Entry] new doors open as I follow and things evolve.....pages and pages of others but it is rare to find others are real as we both are and understand what we are about. smiles -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/16/2013 5:49:00 PM [Report Entry] bound tight with His control. The bindings spinning round and round with each word. I sit, no thoughts unless He puts them there. following and reacting to His words. I can feel the bindings wrapped around and around me ... the struggle gone ...sitting calmly ...waiting ....ready to serve mind and body....it feels good and makes the current pulse through my being. Master I do love to fuck. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/15/2013 8:51:55 PM [Report Entry] I love to fuck.... Journal Entries: 11/7/2013 8:43:51 PM [Report Entry] grateful to the core for being allowed to serve Him . to be allowed near Him in any way..to feel His heat. begging for spit ...anything that comes from Him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/5/2013 8:19:00 AM [Report Entry] submission is burning trusts and does not doubt types from the floor ...impossible to rise unless told to do so. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/4/2013 7:20:08 AM [Report Entry] There are many fakes, scammers..people who just don't know some with good intentions , some without...when you find real... you can feel it smell it...sense it ...smiles.It is something that is primal inside of us. I have found and learned what most that are here with good intentions are searching for...yes it is very rare. I am one of the most fortunate beings around. It is hard work to learn to serve Him , I am so grateful to be allowed to work hard for my place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/31/2013 1:07:58 PM [Report Entry] The new doors have opened!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10/28/2013 5:01:13 AM [Report Entry] I love seeing the pumpkin appear each year on the cm logo...... Dark holiday..this week bringing new doors that open...Halloween a perfect day for this to happen... Journal Entries: 11/21/2013 9:03:20 AM [Report Entry] blades flames lust senses sniffs black groansssssss -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/19/2013 10:12:09 AM [Report Entry] He taunted me for hours ....my fingers could not type they were floating as was all of me....I typed something like....my toy wont stay in...im too slick and He said... put on your panties and pull them up tight....I want that cunt full....ooooo fuckkkkk remembers the time he said I want you so fucking full you cant swallow one more drop of water. begging makes me high ...begging makes me soaked...begging makes me wet...and He is the Master of creating the need to beg...He is Lord and Master of everything within darkness. sits full in His agony ...grateful worshipping. begging for even a drop of His spit or piss. crawling for cum or cock. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk burn me.. slap me....mark me.... offers droplets of blood...my soul already owned -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/18/2013 1:42:40 PM [Report Entry] His tone ..His voice...understanding I get my rewards because I am always ready in all ways..committed...knowing He watches every little thing. Knowing there is no other like him ...I do not say those words lightly...THERE IS NO OTHER LIKE HIM. It is the hardest thing I will ever do or have ever done. I know when this ends I will never find it again. Knowing how I am so fortunate because I get the good things and all the freedom He allows me. Remembering all the hard lessons learned and the key is always pure submission from the core , not just part of the time or some of the time but all of the time....that is what it takes to get the rewards and to feel His drug and feel Him near and inside of me .To have the feeling I need inside knowing I am owned by Him. Thank you Master and Daddy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/11/2013 9:16:38 AM [Report Entry] taken from another persons journal.... It is about binding that person to you. It is about making that person want to obey you. It is about making that person want....no, need to be bound -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/8/2013 6:07:50 AM [Report Entry] His intoxicating pure natural true primal Dominance...One taste...one smell..once bitten...forever marked.....the most powerful drug. Journal Entries: 12/6/2013 12:25:36 PM [Report Entry] I have said most of this before in bits and pieces throughout my journals but this is what I had the need to write today. There were so many times...I questioned...I doubted... I had tantrums . His methods so different. Not like any other thing I have read or watched or talk to. He rarely explains but would always make sure whatever the lesson I understood what I had just learned. If I did something I was not suppose to . He would take note of it and then He would give some type of consequence to my actions...He would never tell me what was happening ....I would realize it later and then look back at my actions . There were times if it was something I seriously did wrong that He would say... you know I have to punish you now. Those times are I hope gone . I never do anything to try to get punishment. His punishment makes me feel like I do not exist at all and the worst pain of all is knowing I did not please Him. I knew that the key was my submission..step my step I followed. I do go backwards but as long I was was learning and growing and following/submitting...He kept leading. It was a slow process but over time..I started to understand the connection and what He had done and How He had built it but it is not something I can simply explain. ... the dynamics continued to grow deeper ...the connection stronger...the need for Him stronger and when I fly or let go It was deeper ...stronger...The mental connection built through words ...typing at first so I could hear and feel Him in my mind There were times I was left in silence.. there were very hard lessons...He taught me on my level and learned what I needed and would gave me what I needed... in turn I craved that connection with Him and would beg and offered my submission .. crawing and asking on my own. He rarely tells me what to do unless I need for him to. always ask for what you need never hold back always tell the truth don't think just react and feel do not resist even though eventually its impossible to resist His natural Dominance and control. submission is the key with Master. ...the act of the things I do in submission.My body follows my mind. It was not easy to let the walls down and he built trust in many ways. I would not know it was happening most of the time until later or even days later . He would find those buttons inside of me and push ..He knew my walls more than I did. What He does is an art .. It is to be cherished. It is not play .. It is not what most here do and I really have not found anyone that comes close . He showed me what real is and what the connection is . It has made me stronger in all ways. I use what He has taught me in daily life out in the world. I respect Him . I worship Him. It overwhelms me for Him to call me slave and be allowed to kneel at His feet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/4/2013 2:26:01 AM [Report Entry] The places He took me to today ..I was so high earlier..it was impossible to write. A blissful day as He reminded me how different we are from most...smiles ..reflecting on how I kept following.... It started early early today and He took me more than once ...letting it build and then I would find myself on my back with wrists being held down tight on the bed as His power , control and Dominance over me... in the end ...I was soaring....no words... no movement left absorbing ..and He said...rest....and my soul rested....( still very hard for any words to come)...just feeling and pulsing my breathing changing as I write about today ...reliving it over and over. goes back to bed now and continues the rest in bliss and warm and His current flows through me. His Marks...Deeper than any other marks -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/29/2013 3:46:47 PM [Report Entry] Master taught me what being owned really means ..... wearing a collar or just saying you are owned means nothing unless all parts are owned. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11/27/2013 12:58:50 PM [Report Entry] The holiday and recent events and all the waves from this year have caused many thoughts about dark and light...and how sometimes the darkness of our minds can take us to the light...high...flying.... needs are needs ..fulfilling needs are different from abusing or causing others pain ...giving them something they do not ask for or their soul does not need. my darkness..my darkness is consensual and its a part of my soul that needs to be fed. It is not about forcing me to do something I do not need or ask for.....stepping carefully ......it is a fine line...lines that should never be crossed...for me it is about balance..it is how He has taught me.... I am what my Master has made me into over the last few years... my words...my actions...all of me... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Journal Entries: 12/15/2013 9:39:13 PM [Report Entry] I can tell Him anything.....thinking that thought makes that feeling in my belly burn strong as so many thoughts do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/14/2013 3:22:31 PM [Report Entry] Walking along the path Following Knowing I could not write one word about submission before I write from experiencing..knowing that any physical thing you do in the lifestyle Your mind is what led you to be there.The thoughts coming from inside of you. .I tried physical without the mental bond. It left me still searching for something deeper..He taught me about trust and pushed my limits until I learned how to let go, not from force or beatings .The mental bond was in place which did effect my physical body..the way it should be before physical is added..I had an open mind . I had courage to keep going and trusting my instinct, my spirit.I had courage to explore the unknown.I also knew it was real from His writings and others writing around Him...Smiles and keeps following Him down the path..if another real one bumps into me I will know...we shall see..but until then I do not seek the collision.. What I have did not happen quickly..it is committment and hard work. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/14/2013 9:26:57 AM [Report Entry] I write when I feel it..when I feel as I will burst holding it in..it used to be so hard to feel..until He taught me -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/14/2013 1:06:31 AM [Report Entry] total mental Domination...submission from my core...The mental hold so strong that If I start to do anything I shouldn't.... I have physical pain from my minds pull. His pull and hold on me...anxiety knowing I will not get the warm.sizzling floaty place he takes me to when I am allowed to. The highest of all highs.Connecting with Him and serving... With that comes begging to serve in any way He needs. I beg to serve even if I am not allowed that place very often or not at all because He has taken me that deep in submission. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 12/9/2013 10:36:33 AM [Report Entry] there are many kinds of pain...but the bad pain, hollow, part of me empty, never stopped until I let go...followed and stopped fighting what I was meant to do..followed what was always inside of me long before I met Him...but meeting Him made all that was inside of me surface and make sense. Learning to balance and that vanilla makes the world go around. we all need vanilla..Each of our needs can be met if we balance. Journal Entries: 12/27/2013 1:07:28 PM [Report Entry] Most of what I am saying on my new video greeting: this is slave chanda and i do this to keep my cunt in shape and ready to fuck my Master. I do it because I am trained to be ready to fuck and I am begging Him to fuck me and be used. I have my dog collar on I am his fucking dog and I will do anything to get His dick inside of me. I am not allowed to put the toy in just masterbate and stay in agony. ...moanssssssssss...ooooo yesssss,,,my juice on my nipples.but it is ..His juice...His nipples ...His cum...His mind..because He OWNS all of me.I do as told exactly as told . |
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