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My journals and path ,following my Master raw unedited sometimes written from subspace |
Journal Entries: 3/30/2013 6:49:16 AM [Report Entry] I have learned I had many sides. I used to log into other profiles. He would watch, patiently. Little by little I would ask to be taken deeper and deeper. It feels good to be slave, I am just learning but it feels good. This is my place. This is the profile I should be on. It feels good to be under His control.It feels good not to have to keep myself guarded and trust my training and all of me to Him. He allows me trust but He watches and protects and controls and it feels so good. I compare myself to other real slaves I have got to learn about, I have to remember that we are all different, my sides and walls were different, I submit all my parts to Him , I cherish anything He allows me in serving. He is so patient , I am so lucky, when I look back at some of the things I did, I do not know why He kept me. He always knows when I am doubting or having issues, He always says exactly what I need to hear. I am so lucky. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/29/2013 7:37:13 AM [Report Entry] counts the days of the week, tries to breathe, keeps busy, focus -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/28/2013 7:57:07 AM [Report Entry] Masterbates and gives You my hunger my Lord , my need, my agony to feed off of....I am like a caged animal , pacing, hungry......mind, body and soul....slam me down and Bite the fuck out of me. Claws this cage to get to You. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/26/2013 8:12:39 AM [Report Entry] submission comes from within The submissive has to ask and accept the Dominant inside , I am not talking about the physical. Physical can be added with it. It has nothing to do with barking commands and someone following commands. It comes through trust being built. Open communication. It comes from the mind and soul. It is rare . It takes time and work. But it is real . I am so lucky to experience it. My mind will never forget. Any hint of remembering, I start shaking and craving Him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/25/2013 8:24:40 AM [Report Entry] I was so lucky to be fed yesterday. This morning my mind and body are remembering...Its hard to do chores. I have to stop and keep touching myself. This slave is always crawling behind Him on the floor as He walks.... Journal Entries: 4/4/2013 7:15:20 AM [Report Entry] always love getting to float at work , He kept me high , I thought He had stopped messaging and then , bam just before lunch I get a note , I ran to my car as He kept me floating through lunch, went back inside semi-high ,my body still pulsing, made the rest of the night fly by. other thoughts, I did not know it would be hard to beg, It is very hard for me but when He takes me there and I crawl and beg and plead it feels so fucking good . He creates that need . It is soul cleansing. I get to be who I am . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/2/2013 10:14:47 AM [Report Entry] something I wrote in the past :my words are simple yet filled with raw emotion as I wipe the tear.... Its about letting go of all the doubts and fears. Its about trusting someone with your life. Trusting them not knowing if this will be the last time . Forgetting about the what ifs and what abouts. Its forgetting past pains. Its about looking up at them and pulling their hand on the noose tighter around your neck and trusting them to do so...... Its about taking a deep breath and feeling your soul . The physical aspects that this effects can be seen in the eyes ... its about both people being worthy of such an act out of respect, honesty and trust. Its about One always being there when the other one needs. Its about being pushed past your limits and needing to be and giving in for that person. All of these things is what turns a girl into a pure slut , its beautiful and carnal. Its never about abuse or force. Its about soaring and sharing that with another. Master thank you for taking me to slave and continuing my training . My Darkside lives to serve You. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/1/2013 1:09:00 PM [Report Entry] when Darkness falls the feel of the rope against my skin used the way I was made to be used Darkness prevails -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/31/2013 5:30:33 PM [Report Entry] Feels His ropes.... tight Relaxes......surrender feels so good -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/30/2013 5:31:38 PM [Report Entry] I feel its the natural order of things..instinct for female to serve male.I believe that all of us have many needs and we all may need to switch at times..but our core needs are instinctual. This is not intended to offend any with different views. Journal Entries: 4/12/2013 8:46:55 AM [Report Entry] He builds and builds and builds the need for release. He knows when it gets extreme, He thrusts the pressure mentally with the things that make me need to explode. My body sweats. If I am at work I have to strip off jackets. My fingertips shake. My voice shakes. My toes tingle. I look down , my nipples staying hard crinkled rocks. He will tell me not to Masterbate, just feel the pressure.... and then He keeps talking , close, watching, whispering........ as I moannnnnnn and drip. I seen this quote in a profile today, I like it : One day your life will flash before your eyes. Do something worth watching. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/10/2013 11:20:25 AM [Report Entry] delicious mornings cold outside the heat still sizzles in here,my body still shaking dropping and serving my body twitching in pleasure , my eyes watering and glazed, my mind and body high This slave knows her place , on the floor beneath Him.She is anything he needs her to be at any time. Doing as told EXACTLY as told. My body soaks just typing it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/9/2013 11:25:17 AM [Report Entry] counting the days until darkness falls, biting my lip, my mind and body hungry. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/4/2013 11:43:40 AM [Report Entry] HAVE YOU EVER JUST FUCKED LUST..........WELLL.....THE ROOM IS FUCKING SPINNING.. somebody name this drug pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee oh its called my Master. acutally fucking lust itself....energy .....finding each other in the other place and staying together......well................most are not worthy but for some reason I am.something to do with an open mind, trust and believing its possible......thank You Master and whatever higher power there is but i worship You my Lord -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/4/2013 9:37:09 AM [Report Entry] primal moments clawing biting hair pulling throat holding gagged to block screams my body soaked in all areas from sweat and lust, On fire from the top of my head to my toes, my nipples hard rocks begging, crawling , pleading , for Him to take me, just take me , all of me every single part I love it when He calls out my dark side and uses it as we both feed in another place 4/24/2013 10:50:37 AM [Report Entry] The real ones will feel my words , they know...... I beg to tighten my own noose, I do this because He is Lord of all Lords. Master of all Masters. I worship Him, His cock , His cum,His perfection, His spit any fucking part of Him. I crawl and drag myself across the floor to be taken there and be allowed to serve Him My knees do slam down or I fall down from weakness its release like no other it is not like most play here Most do not have what it takes to get here Fucked from the inside out , I beg to be called all the physical terms , but what He does to me has nothing to do with JUST FUCKING I do not just do what He says, I do it exactly as He says to be allowed to feel where He takes me My thoughts a constant reflection of Him. My actions a constant reflection. Doing nothing without permission. He keeps me breathing, My soul soars and feels the food that it needs to be fully alive Most keep searching, they do not even know what is missing or what they are searching for but I get to live it every single day. He did not get into my mind through tasks or commanding me to follow a routine daily. It has nothing to do with that. Others keep talking to me in detailed conversations trying to figure it out.It is just Who He is. He is Lord of all Lords.I worship Him ,His cock His cum, His spit I always thought about finding someone I could feel inside of me and hear in my mind for miles away. To have a connection so deep that I could feel them. If they walked in a huge room or store and I did not know they were coming, that I could feel them before seeing them. That is what I have with Him. He could be a thousand miles away and it would not matter. I can feel Him touch me because he touches me from the inside . The words that always come to mind: intoxicating weak blissful soar fly float warm pleasure release alive sits still floating -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/23/2013 7:48:30 AM [Report Entry] I get many asking about my daily routine. I am trained to keep my thoughts focused on serving My daily routine is a result of where I am in my training each day. I react , not think. Not think to the degree of figuring out what is being done at the moment. I work full-time. My mornings and early afternoons are spent at home and on collarme. I do house chores and run errands when needed. I am usually given instruction each day or it evolves as the day goes on. It is more of how I will interact with Him , its not step by step instructions to follow. Its how we will connect with each other and which way we are going in with our conversations . Most of our conversations are sexual but He does give me guidance in other ways if it is needed. I am trained to react to His need. I submit to what He gives me each day. I do maintain all the normal things a slave would do, always looking my best, shaved smooth in all areas. He keeps thoughts in my mind . I am trained to function in vanilla but always keeping thoughts in my mind of serving. If He comes near I am trained to blend it with vanilla but still function. i am on a eating plan and working out daily . He does not tell me step by step what to do each day. He does not say wear this and go to work and masturbate in the restroom. If He comes near He just starts talking and waits for my mind and body to take over and what happens comes from inside of me naturally.He keeps me high. I crave pleasing Him but He gives me so much pleasure I beg to serve Him. We both work different shifts and communicate throughout the day. I am a pleasure slave. I asked to serve in this way. I have used what I have learned and applied it in all areas. It has made be stronger . I have learned so much about myself . It is what I need. I do consider myself a slave but I am just learning. I have spoken to real slaves and I know I am not at their level yet. I wanted it to be dark and that is what He gives me. He gives what a girl asks for. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/18/2013 9:59:12 AM [Report Entry] Mind fucking Mind fuck means 1. He fucks with my mind and emotions, never knowing what his next move will be. Telling me things that may happen but never do or sometimes may, smiles. I live that part of it each day. Or 2. FUCKING, grins. Typing in phrases that I can sense, of carnal primal fucking as He controls it and Dominates me during the mind fuck.Dark and twisted . Sometimes going on for hours and days . High , floating until He is ready for it to end and I need to be in a safe place so I can be taken to that place where I do not know where I am or what my name is.......... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/15/2013 5:03:44 PM [Report Entry] Pisces: Possessing a gentle nature, Pisces is popular with all kinds of people. Versatile and intuitive they observe and are receptive to new ideas and situations. Affectionate and compassionate they commit themselves to being a friend and often give more of themselves than they ask in return . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4/15/2013 11:33:49 AM [Report Entry] rest, listening to uplifting music, light, beauty, calm, tranquil, walking and walking and walking, sun, the breeze flowing through my soul. Journal Entries: 5/12/2013 2:23:15 PM [Report Entry] Sparks She called to Him through her mind She stood waiting ,Each always answering the other He walks over to His possession Bodies a hairline apart Sparks of fire going through her Dark thoughts of where He takes her The secrets shared. Trust beyond trust Trembling she breathes Him in His Dominance intoxicating Her knees and body swaying Soft persistent moans escaping her lips He leans in..sniffing..His breath hot on her neck His teeth ready to bite Her knees buckle to the floor Her body soaked her scent of need radiating Pleads Masterrrr Masterrrrr Masterrrr Take all you need Feed on me -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/10/2013 10:26:29 AM [Report Entry] it starts with me shoving things in myself as I listen to him If he Is talking on the phone I keep dropping the phone or accidentally hanging up because I lose control. He has to call back, I cum, and writhe and twist and groan, He brings out the animal, my eyes turn black as It goes on he says pull the toy out, I used to stop at that point and just listen, cum dripping out of me, now the convulsions do not stop. I do not have to touch myself , my body has tremors. like now....I cum from just hearing his voice. He said I have only scratched the surface and when you go to work you will need to bring changes of clothes I had to trust him with things most would run away from, I did so because i could feel where He would take me. I am real. He is real and He takes me to where most will never get to go. The picture is much bigger than most ever see. Thank You My Lord -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/7/2013 10:48:05 AM [Report Entry] There is no other that would be able to take my mind , body and soul to the place He takes it to . There is no other that can feed me as He does. He knows me and all my parts. He owns them. He Dominates me and Masters me like no other. His cock and cum are perfect and gives me dark pleasures like no other. I am allowed conversation with all here unless He does not approve. He turns my sweet baby girl side into straight slut and whore and it feels so fucking good. He allows my switch to stay and watches me go back and forth and then submit and crawl and plead in worship. Slave to Him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/3/2013 10:32:01 AM [Report Entry] He knew I wasn't breathing, stressed He knew what I needed I heard His tone and I melted and wimpered , As the mintues went on His tone changed and my body was convulsing with pleasure.... Wimpering and moving slow changed to loud moans my body twisting under His control breathing again the spinning slowing down, the heat pulsing from within my body out my fingers and toes The sun is out Thank You Master -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/2/2013 11:02:56 AM [Report Entry] True Dominance is NOT barking commands or force, I say it over and over...... thinks back, not one time did Master bark commands at me , it came from me naturally because His Dominance is true and natural and it oozes from Him. He never told me what to call Him, it slipped from my tongue out of need and it felt natural. He has never used one cuss word with me or used anger in a negative way. There are times that He does command but it is not barking commands, He pulled me towards Him from what is inside if me. He does not Dominate through fear or abuse. I beg to be forced at times but He waits and waits and keeps going with what he is doing until it comes from inside of me because I need it to come out , not because it was forced to come out. If I deserve punishment I am punished . It is hard to express what I need at times but He always fulfills each need that surfaces. Journal Entries: 5/24/2013 10:35:14 AM [Report Entry] intense week in all areas . Grateful to serve Him in any way. Learning to be a stronger slave and stay focused and do as told when things trigger scars from the past. many lessons from the past applied. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/20/2013 8:07:41 AM [Report Entry] He creates such need and burning desire,my soul soaring, I beg to be used hard and pushed off , watching him walk away ......just use me as deep as you need, rip out whatever parts You need.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/17/2013 8:13:30 AM [Report Entry] The connection is so amazing I feel Him throughout the day I know if there is a random note sent. It is like a poke or electricity It is like that little voice inside but there are no words, it is a feeling. Notes sent only cause a small poke, smiles At work I sit at a desk in an office I feel Him behind me, watching, my breathing increases, my nipples erect reacting, my skin tingling with warmth. His Dominant ,powerful ,intoxicating ,confident, sexual presence . No words would be needed , I would react out of need, bending over my desk, arms stretched above my head , fingers gripping the edge of the desk, longing for bodies to meet. His touch against my skin. My emptiness needing filled until low groans and moans turn into screams . Needing all the empty parts of me filled , Fill Me Master, Fill EACH part. This started out as a journal about the connection , grins , my mind kept going because of where He always takes me and conversations from yesterday still lingering. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/16/2013 9:17:27 AM [Report Entry] Whatever thrown will be blocked In the end W/we will both be in O/our place breathing. i am whatever He needs. i am fucktoy, whore, slut, cunt, slave, babygirl, holes, cumdump,trash. dog.. bitch..or any other thing.He took me to all these places slowly out of need and opened me up inside. i kneel where He points or drop when He comes near. i do it out of need because He makes it feel so good when i kneel. I asked for it to be as dark as possible. For those new to the lifestyle, This type of submission should never be forced or not taught without the mental aspects. Some wannabes will just started demanding and calling you bitch and say drop and suck, this is not what I am speaking of. He is Master. He is lord. If He chooses to have others, He has others. The key is submission, real and true submission. The rules are His , i follow. i am never abused but I beg for abuse because it feels soo good to serve Him and He takes me to the place i need to go. It is better than any pleasure . He keeps me balanced. He keeps me breathing. I have never had safe words with Him because i trust Him that much. He has never broken the trust.There have been hard times but it was all my own doing as i look back . Hard lessons learn, There is bad pain but again He never inflicted it on purpose. He has only given me what I have asked for. It is what I needed, I know this and He knows this, smiles. i have no control. i make no demands. i ask for what i need and it is fulfilled. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5/14/2013 8:11:16 AM [Report Entry] the Heat from my mouth penetrating around Him my tight little hole near as it begins to drip |
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