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My journals and path ,following my Master raw unedited sometimes written from subspace |
| 2/7/2013 8:39:30 AM Delete Edit If you read my journals, you should read all of them for it to make sense. Subspace with Master is better than any other pleasure. My eyes water, the room spins, I forget my name.My pussy waters, lol. I beg for agony to make His cock hard. I have always been poly . It started when I was in junior high. My boyfriend had girls on the side , it made me extremly wet. I have daily tasks I do everyday for my training. I masturbate and cum to what Master has placed in my mind. My first experiences with kissing was with girls but I love cock. I only crave Masters cock.I worship His cock and cum. He fullfills all my deep needs, mind , body and soul. I am still sexually drawn to certain girls. The trust and connection is what makes it sexual. It is so much more than just fucking. I love to fuck but its so much more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/5/2013 1:24:26 PM Delete Edit The thoughts started at a very young age. Is it instinct? Is it how we are made? Is it a past life? I only know that the thoughts were there . I was so young I didnt even know what the thoughts meant. I now realize they were of Dominance and submission.Time went on, I became an adult and life took over . The thoughts were pushed to the back of my mind. I tried to live vanilla. I was different. I craved something more . I did not know what it was. I searched in many different places, most of the time not knowing I was searching, not understanding what I did the things i was doing.I was very strong willed and rarely trusted . We all have pain, we all have the walls. The lifestyle has changed my life. I hope to share bits of my experiences . To reach the ones that want to be reached.I only know I was born to do this and it feels right. I thought I knew how hard it would be, i had no idea. I am still learning . submission comes from inside. The limits that most list are just physical kinks. They have nothing to do with the limits inside. The ones that have built up your entire life. When you learn to have complete trust, its different from the trust most know. When you feel that trust, your body responds. It is sexual and it does give you a high and extreme pleasure. After the trust and mental connection is built , the other things can be added . Most get it backwards. They want all the kink and sex up front. Most profiles i read have all these vanilla limitations that have nothing to do with the true lifestyle. Most are just here seeking a quick fuck. Most do not have what it takes , at times I question if I have it. Its the hardest thing I have ever done. It makes me look at myself . It makes me stronger.I had to learn that vanilla does not apply to Master/slave 2/11/2013 7:52:16 AM Delete Edit Smooth shaved in all areas A collar on my throat, my leash and ball gag, anal plug and lube close by Baby lotion on my skin My tight hole wet and ready My mouth watering My body on fire begging to be used The slave ready to whore fuck and suck her Master, on the floor where she belongs. Takes a deep breath and waits. Its all i can do, i have no Control. I have begged to lap His cum up from a bowl. I have begged to pay for His cock to be near me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/10/2013 4:05:44 PM Delete Edit I'm sitting at work .I stalk my phone for Messages from Master.I masturbated before work. I'm always wet . My pussy always tight because of the need He keeps in me. He messages me as I work.The things He says makes my body ache and burn. My voice will actually shake when I speak as I work.He keeps me high and on edge.I sneak off to private places to cum for Him. I go back to work ..others have no idea. I am aching for Him now .I begged Him all day yesterday . I begged to be allowed to kneel..be near Him and serve. The last time he talked to me as I worked my wetness was coming through my jeans. There are no vanilla pleasures..sex..that compare to what He has shown me. Keep in mind there are private things between Him and I that wont be disclosed. My needs are very dark and extreme.He knows them well. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/8/2013 11:20:43 AM Delete Edit He called and allowed me to cum, I am trained to keep fingers and toys away from my cunt after I cum. My body still pulsing needing to keep going. Each slaves needs are different, if i need Daddy , He is Daddy. I crave more and He is Master. He will keep talking and saying all the things He knows I react to. I sat there listening grabbing my thighs with my hands squeezing , needing to cum more but not being allowed to. He told me to squeeze so hard that I leave marks. There is not any certain word he says, its a combination of His voice and what He says. Sometimes He only needs to say, "you know what I want"...Sometimes its unspoken. I know what I am suppose to do. The way He teaches I know what to do. I need to do it. If I dont do it , it gives me physical pain without him touching me. He rarely has to command. Begging: It is hard for me to beg in any form. It is hard for me to bring myself to that point. I am not a brat, I rarely throw tantrums but it is hard to break me down to that point. I resisted over and over when my training first began. Real begging comes from your core. Master knows by the tone of my voice, the words I say or type if I am really begging or pleading. The way I describe it is , imagine you are being buried alive and you are trying to dig your way out...... He does not always require me to beg to that point. I trust Him, He knows my limits. Any person can type or say a bunch of silly rules/commands. Any person can follow them. That is play. That is kink. That is not training. Ownership does not come in the form of a collar. My cunt is trained to react to its Owner. It starts in the mind. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/8/2013 10:10:25 AM Delete Edit He keeps me off balance. I never know. I dont try to think anymore or figure it out. I used to , I learned the hard way to just take each day at at time. To give Him control. My body reacts and needs to cum daily. He has conditioned me this way. My body feels like it needs to explode if He comes near me. If my phone rings my body reacts, I become wet, soaked. I feel like I can't hold it. If I see a message from Him, my body reacts before I read it. He gives me pain in many ways, I need pain, I get off on it. This morning He made me believe He would call at a certain time. I kneeled naked , waiting for the call .I needed to explode without touching myself . I didnt check my email on my phone because I thought it would just ring. I was on edge. After a few minutes the phone did not ring. I checked my email and He said that he was only giving me some pain . I told Him i was ready and of course He knew that. I sit now shaking not knowing when or if He will call to relieve my pain. It is His cum and He controls it. If I cum alone, i still have agony. Its not the same unless i release it to Him. Tries to continue my housework...Thank You Sir. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/7/2013 1:25:31 PM Delete Edit My mouth waters for His drops of precum. My body aches for His cum, His flavor, His scent. It feels so good to have my limits pushed, to get to that edge and give in so He will take me over. Cumming more than once today, my fingers tremble as I try to type. My mind struggles to concentrate to come back down.Craving for the waves to start all over, begging Him to do it again. /13/2013 11:57:35 AM Delete Edit new pics added .one of my experiences below , Master wanted me to post of pic of how he teaches slaves to suck cock with their pussy. It teaches them to suck cock heads with perfection. He taught me to use a pacifier in my cunt , sucking it with my tight hole. I am searching for the pic now . I submit to Him because He makes me float. He can do this at any time. I can be miles away from Him. He took me to my knees many times in public . He can do it by typing notes to me or calling me. I was in a department store once . He kept sending texts , One after the other , after the other. I was shaking, I was weak I told him if he didnt stop i would drop, he kept going. I was in the middle of the clothing department I dropped. I could not stand, I had no control. I sat there hold my phone, my fingers shaking typing back to Him, my body trembling, my cunt soaked. If I type the experiences and remember them, my body reacts. My mind connects it to my body. I am shaking now, semi -high. Its feels like im being flogged . I can feel each strike, my body pulses with each note. It feels like hes thrusting me . I react this way because of months and months of mental training . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/12/2013 7:09:19 PM Delete Edit I have enjoyed reading the majority of posts that my slave has shared. I have also read the many messages sent to her because of her writings. There are those of you I would approve to speak with her and there are others that need go play elsewhere. It is rare to allow a girl such freedoms. I do this because she serves her master very well. I need no admiration from others to know I control her to her core. . Smiles and steps back to enjoy watching her interactions once more. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/12/2013 2:35:26 PM Delete Edit We had discussions today about open communication. I told Him things that needed to be said. When he called I didnt have my toys near. He started saying all the things that make my body twist and my hips rock. He told me he knew that my fingers were playing with my cunt, He said , its instinct now. He is correct, i cant stop my fingers from wandering when He is near.I had them crammed inside of me. My pussy was squeezing them trying to get milk . He told me to go cum ALL DAY long. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/12/2013 10:18:18 AM Delete Edit after being allowed to cum , I was given my tasks for today....its going to be a good day.I was reminded of who He is. I am such a lucky slave to be allowed to serve Him. Thank You Master. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/11/2013 12:53:56 PM Delete Edit Limits were pushed. I will never know if it was intentional . I had to remember my place...slave. Taking a deep breath and giving into to His perfect Control and Domination.I have to remember how good it feels to give in. My entire body reacts . 2/18/2013 9:21:37 AM Delete Edit errands in public. a collar chain necklace full of a toy walking around in public, my pussy needing to explode full of my cum which He owns. My tight hole throbbing, slick and tight. Heat radiating around me, others glance, sensing my lust. My eyes slutty and dark -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/17/2013 7:39:19 PM Delete Edit A constant flow of cream is required. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/16/2013 10:11:04 AM Delete Edit He built the need inside of me for hours yesterday. At the end of the day the things said were very dark , erotic, sadistic , and masochistic. At times we only need exchange a few words at a time when I get to the edge. I thought He was going to make me cum in the evening. He left telling me to have a good night at work....I woke up begging, begging to cum for Him, begging to let go ............He made me wait, and wait, I was shaking , trembling, panting.....He kept typing little notes from work saying things making me throb and pulse. Finally I got to release to Him.....Im still coming down.....Thank You Sir. He told me to keep playing. He keeps me on these waves for days and days. If I am a good girl/slave I get my rewards. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/16/2013 7:56:49 AM Delete Edit Master, Forget about the flame tip , clamps ,clit spanking or biting wakes up remembering the greatest pain and agony of all Your pain wakes up begging have not made it out of my chair, no coffee, no water, no shower , all I can do is play with my pussy -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/14/2013 7:07:11 AM Delete Edit Yesterday I learned to think with my cunt. More about my journey into this realm: I needed to submit . He took me from vanilla. I asked Him to train and teach me. He intended all along to take me to slave . He never pushes or forces. He is the most patient person I have ever met. He waits until He knows I am ready to go deeper. There have been times in the past that the slave word would slip out. I would beg to be His slave. He knows I have a Dominant streak. I asked for this profile because I felt I was ready to give up as much control as possible as this stage in my training.I also needed to be displayed as His slave and express my thoughts and experiences. He knows if I need to have some control He has ways to fill those needs. I have found the more and more control He has, the higher I float when He is near. It feels good. i still have to remind myself not to resist. Sometimes I do not know I am resisting. In the past I would make other profiles and roam around on collarme. He knew this but would not say anything watching from a distance. It feels so good for Him to control this profile. To read the mail and give me permission to interact with the ones He chooses.He is patient but I never mistake that for weakness. His punishments are severe. I would rather go through anything than to know I have not pleased Him. His punishments can make me feel like I do not exist at all. 2/22/2013 9:15:36 PM Delete Edit I'm such a fucking slut -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/22/2013 12:19:57 PM Delete Edit sits watching the clock the reality setting in....i may go to work this full of cum. Imagining how hard my nipples will by, my hands shaking some . He keeps me that full of cum. When I breathe my cunt throbs and pulses . If I do not divert my thoughts as I work, its painful. If He sends me a note I feel like I may cum as I read it without touching myself. He conditioned me to cum several times a day. If He does not allow it, it causes great pain. I can't lie and cum . I don't lie to Him, what good would that do in learning to submit? If I do manage to cum without Him, its not the same. The only way I can cum now is by focusing on thoughts of Him dominating me , the thoughts He has placed there. He knows by the tone in my voice or the words I say if I am truly in agony. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/22/2013 11:45:57 AM Delete Edit Master made sure I smelled like whore when I went to the dentist this morning. He kept me on edge all morning , in agony needing to explode, then sent me off to the dentist. I begged and begged for His dick before He told me to go. I begged saying, "Anything, Anything just let me feel it pressed inside of me." I was trembling, my cunt milking the air trying to get His cock. I want to say again so there is no misunderstandings. True Dominance should not be abusive. I beg for pain and agony ,, it makes me drip to take it for Him . I beg for it to make His dick hard and give Him pleasure. He gives me pain in many ways. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/20/2013 7:21:25 AM Delete Edit reflection of yesterday: Learning once again, when major buttons are pushed I have to remember to trust. To trust beyond all other trust. I have to remember not to let the walls come up as I have my entire life. To stay in the mindset that He is controlling all that is happening. The day ending with a reminder of how lucky I am and what my rewards are. Thank You Master for allowing me to serve. The experiences and what He has taught me, staying with me in my life going forward. I get to experience what most never will. There is no other pleasure like being allowed to kneel for Him and serve. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/19/2013 8:37:50 AM Delete Edit Master is the only person that has ever been able to get into my mind ... dark enough and deep enough to get me off........mmmmmm. The Only One that has ever topped my dark twisted mind. He is the only One i will ever submit to. 2/27/2013 10:49:56 AM Delete Edit sits in my chair, impossible to close my legs. The agony and need for Him , too intense. My nipples hard and crinkled. My breathing deep. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/26/2013 1:58:50 PM Delete Edit Master...my mouth is watering...my slave cunt aching to be filled by Your Domination and perfect cock.I hunger for the feeling I get when You allow me to serve. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/24/2013 8:41:45 PM Delete Edit I seen this term in a profile today.. oral worship...mmmm.loves to say that over and over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/23/2013 10:14:26 AM Delete Edit inside out Its simple My entire life I was screaming to be opened from the inside out -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/23/2013 7:27:42 AM Delete Edit The Mental aspects are very different than cyber sex.I say this because of some of the emails I have received He worked with my mind daily to get my body to react the way it does. He would keep me aroused when He was near. I will not go into detail of how He did it. My mind connected His presence to my body being aroused. He can make me weak and drop to my knees by triggers , words, His presence. I can get weak from seeing An email or a ring of a phone. If he keeps going I lose control of my body. 3/5/2013 9:44:48 AM Delete Edit more pics added with Masters permission and approval of the pics. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/4/2013 10:52:47 AM Delete Edit breathes and types still floating....feeling the waves and waves of pleasure from Him being near. There is no other pleasure like it. There is not other sex, or drug or food or drink, nothing I can think of feels this good. Will add more in a moment..... adds on. I feel it through my entire body, tingling, pulsing, The trust, the closeness, its sexual but its not like any sex I have ever had .Not like any orgasms I have ever had. It makes all the hard work worth it. All the things im required to do for His pleasure. I trust Him. I know He will always take care of my needs If I submit and serve. Thank You my Lord note: i dont do hard drugs grins.....but im sure this is better -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/3/2013 10:59:47 PM Delete Edit Master has me dripping and hungry for His cock..I had to pull over on my way to work. I Masterbated in a parking lot...I told Him I need to suck His dick head with my pussy..my hole is tight and ready to milk cock.I am asking Him if I may post a video link of myself . I hope He says yes. For the slow ones, I beg to fuck Him because of what He does to my mind first....it makes me crave His cock deep inside of me! It keeps me dripping , tight, hot, slick, creamy and ready to fuck. Its not JUST fucking. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/2/2013 9:53:02 AM Delete Edit There are many shades of darkness. everyone must find what they need. I am such a lucky fucking slut whore. I beg to have my face rubbed into the floor . Of course I beg for cock and cum. I beg for any touch, any word, because He makes it feel so fucking good when He takes me to the place i need to go . He takes me there through my mind first. One letter or syllable of one word spoken or typed is cherished. Every second that I am allowed to serve is cherished. To hear those words "good girl"mmmmmm. I beg for agony of all types to hear those words. Its about His cock being hard not about me cumming unless He desires I do so. Learning to cum on command and cumming on command is not what most think it is . It is not being ready to cum when He is near and then cumming. Its not holding my cum for weeks. Its not about me thinking about other things to cum. its about Him being near and I drop and cum from his presence , His voice, His cock , Its letting go from inside and giving that power to Him and cumming. Submitting from inside. Submission is what makes His cock hard. Its about Him pushing my limits , me taking a deep breath not resisting and giving in, knowing how it makes me drip -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2/28/2013 6:16:18 PM Delete Edit Over time the slave word would slip from my lips. I asked for this profile recently because I felt ready to go deeper. I am only slave to Him. I trust Him on that deep a level. he's been showing me what being a slave truly is...from my core.....when He takes me under...to that place he takes me to..it kept slipping out...me begging ..saying Master..I'm Your slave.. please let me serve You as a slave... 3/8/2013 1:15:39 PM Delete Edit �What Master does is an art. There are no words to describe how grateful I am to learn from Him and to serve Him. ....its that feeling you get before you fuck, when someone gets into your mind, however they did it prior to You ending up naked ready needing to �to fuck them.....its the mental part ....needing to cum before His dick ever touches me but needing it to touch me . Wet, throbbing, my cunt aching to wrap around Him. That is the feeling He builds on and keeps on building until..... leading to the hard orgasmic waves of pleasure. He just stays there at the place in my mind and keeps thrusting it �with what He is saying.� -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/7/2013 11:31:15 AM Delete Edit ...this slave spent the morning doing the tasks expected of her. Doing all that is required to learn and perform duties for His pleasure. Reflecting on what I learned a couple of days ago. Replaying it over and over in my mind. Preparing for work in a couple of hours after three days off. Focusing my mind in the manner in which I have been taught. Always ready to serve. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/6/2013 9:23:26 AM Delete Edit I post pics because I am real. I also like to be viewed or displayed. The downside is others get caught up in the visual or the physical.That is not where the power lies within the lifestyle. The physical should follow the mental. I want others to know who I am from what I write and what is inside of me as a slave. The sexual journals are from what He does to my mind bringing it out. It does not matter how good a girl looks , that is not what pleases Master . What pleases Him is submission from within and through the mind . He uses physical things that turn me on to get into my mind. I am a sexual person. I love sex. I love cock. I love every type of sex possible between adults . I am very open minded. I love kink and dark and twisted, pain, torture. I asked Him to do is show me how it feels to submit to a True Master. When you read my journals please do not focus on the physical , look at the big picture , the mental connection ,mental Domination, Control, trust, respect. I have some fear today. i didnt do exactly as I am trained to do yesterday. His punishment makes me feel as I do not exist at all or I do not get all the good things that I crave. My biggest fear is release. I am not saying He said He is releasing me, I just fear it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/5/2013 11:59:02 AM Delete Edit today....types still shaking... i learned a deeper lesson of what it means to Earn His cock and cum....I always say I know what begging is.. but then He shows me , no I dont know.. I learned how good it is to hysterically beg and say Im your slut, im your whore ...,. I didnt say meat but I should have and I didnt say My Lord but I should have.. as I jacked myself off hard. with just fingers no toys because there was nothing else I could do and my eyes were watering... trying to earn His time or any fucking thing....no guarantee I will earn it......He reminded me of my place and that I have no idea yet what slave is that I am just on my way.......and as I type this and feel what I am typing how hard my nipples are and how my slick my whore cunt is ... my body is....on fire...... I know my place My Lord I know it... its not switch or submissive...its slave unless you choose for it to be anything else.....crawls....and worshipsssssss beneath You ....looking up.....licking your feet and cock in any manner in which You desire me to worship. I sweat from lust....there are times that i seem to be mumbling in a foreign language, perhaps praying but I dont know any other languages...this is it the thoughts I had what I could feel since childhood....the feelings, the cravings... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/5/2013 10:49:12 AM Delete Edit im already starving again. Master said He would speak to me today about....my hunger......fuckkkkkk.. my previous journals I noticed mispelling, they are from subspace so im not changing them....it makes me drip to reread them....pure emotion, pure hunger for Him 3/14/2013 8:04:41 AM Delete Edit Master, my Lord I know my place. I understand You control me even when I wake up in strange moods. Remembers my commitment and what it means. Remembers what darkness is and that You control all. Remembers how warm it is when I surrender. Remembers all the things you allow me and what gifts they are. They are cherished. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/12/2013 1:16:18 PM Delete Edit Twisted minds: A young slave on the bed. A Master using her mind and body. A second whore slave on the floor watching in great need for Him, doing all that she can to earn His cock. He tells the whore slave, "her cunt is too good, you will not get a turn or fucked today". She watches as the young slave begs and gasps in pleasure when she feels Masters cock thrust.A perfect cock that sends a girl to another place. The other slave struggling to get His attention as she knows He likes to use slick cum, fingers herself hard and fast , cumming. The Master continues with the young slave and fills her with cum. In desperation she crawls to His feet begging for any drop or lick. He smiles and tell her," I saved you some", starving she licks and sucks and cleans His cock. She earned this and Him telling her what a good girl/slave she is. Pain with pleasure ...... .....this slave sits full in great need for Master. I am sore from fucking myself keeping my cunt wet but am lucky to be doing so. Thank you for teaching me today. I learned more about Your power, control, the pain you can inflict and obedience.Most here have no idea what real obedience training is. I learned more what slave is. I know I ask for pain. Thank You Master . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/11/2013 12:48:16 PM Delete Edit He shows me : what I am who I am what I was made for where I belong what my place is How good it feels to be taken to my knees from pure dark black lust... to make me beg and scream for Him to fill me. My body twitches from the high and the rush, I beg to be called whore . -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/10/2013 8:55:23 AM Delete Edit I received an email asking what I grasp of the mental side of this life. Here is my reply: Master has shown me that Mental ropes are stronger than any other physical element or rope . He has shown me over and over He has the ablitiy to inflict pain , as much pain as a physical sadist . His pain lasts longer, A lifetime if He so chooses. He has shown me that He can use the skills He has to make me react from miles away. His ropes are always on me . I can always feel them. If I start to do something I know I shouldnt My body reacts with anxiety and yes even pain. The pleasure He can induce is like no other drug , drunk , or orgasm . Subspace, flying, floating, warm......His marks are permanent from the inside, again I need pain, not all girls do and He understands this when working with others. I have talked to many but His skills are different. Its a combination of who He is and how He uses the mental aspects. He is also a natural Dominant but not abusive. If I do not get His drug I go through withdrawal. Physical withdrawal. He watches me closely. He made sure This is what i needed. He makes sure I can function and if it becomes something that He knows is too much He will adjust or He would let me go . I trust Him with my mind . He has shown me what a real switch is. It is not what most think. He controls that part of me also. He is a teacher, a guide a mentor and a True Master. He has many years of experience and is an expert in Bondage, OutdoorBondage , the Mental aspects as well as many other areas. He has many many years of experience. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/9/2013 10:17:00 PM Delete Edit Today Master allowed me to take pain for Him. I thanked Him for the pain and His time.He led me to believe I would receive pleasure but tormented me..made me need to cum..then left me. I was not allowed His cum or cock either. He is so deep in my mind the only relief I get is if He allows me to cum with Him .His cum is my food and drink. His cock I worship I need all of that to breathe. 3/21/2013 7:23:18 AM Delete Edit My training this past week has been difficult. Many lessons learned. I have not been able to journal or express due to the intensity of the week. I have hidden my profile at times , needing to hide from the world. I can't hide from Master. I hear Him even as I dream. He sees all of me. Perhaps more words will come from inside soon . Master is also Daddy if I need Daddy. He allowed me time with Daddy this week. Daddy is so warm, calm and soothing. I really enjoy being here . I have met some interesting people that are real within the lifestyle. I have enjoyed the conversations. Master has spoken with some and I am allowed to read the responses. I belong in the lifestyle. It is who I am. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/18/2013 4:11:46 PM Delete Edit The more He feeds me the more I need Him. There are times I just go to the bed and shove my face down , needing to bite the sheets , mumbling , oh fuck, oh fuck , oh fuck . I will be sitting in my chair and it will hit me. I have to kneel , its the only thing that give me relief, kneeling or begging . I was just allowed to serve and I still beg for more and more and more.My mind will think of something that is a trigger . Something for others to ponder, The sensation and power of asking or begging. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/17/2013 9:57:33 AM Delete Edit standing with my arms open, my eyes closed no need to see I feel I sense I hear and see You in my mind Feeling myself open to You as I whisper..... take me..... as You absorb me. melt me to my knees in blissful sweet submission His Words and touch Keeping my body on fire. My body never stops burning to feed His hunger . He is my soul food. My desire to pleasure and grow into what He needs. My thoughts always on serving His desire. The scent of my desire radiating. The pieces falling into place. Flying free because I am bound to Him. There is no other feeling or satisfaction like it. stares at my fingers that still feel weak remembers the feeling the secret whispers shared my phone kept falling from my fingertips. blissful weakness a state of shock from pure pleasure from my core a high above all highs I was not standing. It would not have been possible. My finger tips were not even under control Will remember all days with Him . Today Will never be forgotten. Each word and moment cherished. my need for Him growing stronger and stronger. The need to pleasure Him and grow into what He needs me to be because of how he keeps me. slave -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/16/2013 10:37:55 PM Delete Edit My journal for tomorrow will be about experiencing pleasant shock..I'm still too high to write... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/16/2013 7:59:05 AM Delete Edit looks back at my path, The baby steps as He led , one by one. Sits and thinks about where I am now, How He has shown me another realm. My mind was always open but it has taught me to look at those with closed minds. They will never experience or feel what I am allowed. I pinch myself. I feel that I have come full circle, from that little girl that had dark thoughts. The one that played alone while topping myself in my mind, waiting, searching, watching. Waiting to be led . Thank You Master. I also learned a lesson recently called," its ok to be gentle". I get caught up in my sadistic/masochitic side. I think of all the others hands I could have landed it. I am so lucky. He has taught me the difference between abuse and true Dominance. He has taught me what is real and play. Whispers are so powerful. 3/24/2013 7:37:12 AM Delete Edit Do not fight the ropes little one , stay still ,open to Him, only struggle to get closer to the flames. I just need that feeling when You are there and I am there no words needed when You know and I know It is time..... None of the kink, fetish, sex, fucking, Porn, Nothing matters nor helps. That is not what I crave and starve for. ...wakes up remembering my focus always and the tasks in the few days ahead. Remembering what a real slave is. Remembering my place in the lifestyle and my commitment. All my actions are in serving Him. Feels my body stir, the reality of the week starting to set in. Its already uncomfortable, a dull ache growing with each breath. Maintaining long term tasks given also to keep busy. Do not think just react. I have swallowed so much, I have lost count of the marks , begging to swallow more... He has His own language. My journals are filled with the language in bits and pieces , Its amazing to be able to speak to Him in code . We also use words unspoken, commands unspoken, I just know... Thinks to myself , music, play music workout do house chores.... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/23/2013 6:24:00 AM Delete Edit Master gave me instructions for the next several days: I am to be denied subspace and His food I am to write in my journals expressing my feelings , pain and need for Him. Just hearing the words come from His mouth it made me clench over and a slow gasp came from inside of me. I have been thinking to myself remembering what He has taught me. To take each day at a time . To focus my thoughts on serving Him. Do not think ahead or try to figure out why He is doing something, take is as He gives it. Trust Him above all Trust. Whatever He tells me, I accept it. I am His to do with as He sees fit. Recently I tried to figure out things on my own. Instead of trusting. I feel horrible about what I did. I am not ungrateful for all that He allows me. I just get caught up sometimes and do things I am not suppose to do. This was a very severe thing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/22/2013 10:49:56 AM Delete Edit Written from subspace my holes do not matter he fucks my soul He can shove anything fucking he wants into me but he what fucks is my SOUL he fucks it over and over and over and until I go as high its another place, i feel it , trembly and shaking and letting go screaming and begging begging HIm to take all of me....................crawling and begging hysterical CUMMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS over and over and voer and over I cant breathe but somehow I am breathing I am not here but I am here..............I feel another place ...energy another place as I feel Him inside of meeeeeeeee wipes the tears from release He even takes me as I sleep.. my core He knows me He feels me He sees me He smells me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/22/2013 10:21:38 AM Delete Edit what pleases Master is pure fucking total submission from the core ....I am so fucking grateful that I am able to serve Him in this way. It is SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING DELICIOUS when He takes me there!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3/21/2013 8:48:39 AM Delete Edit I bring the turmoil and pain upon myself. I forget what I have been taught . It is getting less frequent.Sometimes a volcano erupts and its hard for me to submit to it. My mind is not like most. Its always in fast motion, my thoughts are scattered. I have many different sides within me. I did not know what I was when He started with me. I have the ability to switch . I always protected myself in everyday life. Most of my relationships were with submissive types. But I craved what was missing. I craved submitting to another. Someone strong enough to Dominate me in all ways without abuse. He keeps me focused. He has Mastered my mind. I crave being His slave and learning what a true slave is. He has to ability to give me great pain and agony if He so chooses. I would rather be caned than feel the pain of displeasing or to feel His wrath. It is always punishment deserved. He is not abusive. To be denied all the pleasures He allows me. |
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