Flee Harm and Be Strong

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you" (Psalm 56:3).

          Psalm 56 is written in response fear David was experiencing when be was cornered by the Philistines in Gath. The word that is translated fear in this passage speaks to what we are truly afraid of. This same word used as a noun speaks about fear that leads to awe and respect. David is faced with fleeing or being strong as fear closes in. There is a timely parable about some geese that do not make it south for the winter and will die if they do not find a safe place they can stay for the winter. The farmer deals with their fears by acting like a bird and coaxing the geese into a barn where they can be safe. That is the task of all of us desire to be a stronghold to those that fear. Nothing is more important than knowing what to do when fear corners us. Are we like these birds willing to flee and share with a waiting world what it means to be strong?

          My fear was strongest when I was faced with my own personal demons that seemed to surround me from all sides in March of 2005. I had been working as a minister for a number of years and was involved in a personal crisis that lead me to consult with some Christian Career Counselors. I had been accused of accidentally switching medicines which lead to a client becoming very ill. Because of this, persons were questioning whether I needed to give up ministry all together. I was beginning to have my own doubts when a few months later this same client died. I had been diagnosed as manic depressive in 1976 and many of my peers were going on social security. Should I have done the same? I feared the prospect of accidentally doing this again.

          After intensive testing and evaluation, I was faced with what I was going to do with my fear. One question that came out of our sessions was, could I be depressed and still be a minister? After much conversation, it was decided that I needed to take a break from ministry to work on personal issues that were undermining my effectiveness. My personal history was characterized by traumas that lead me to believe that I was at fault for much of what happened in my life. I needed to flee my ministerial passion in order to be effective as a person and pastor.

          In November of 2005 after experiencing an emotional crisis I began my journey to wellness. I reluctantly took on the role of a security guard and went to counseling on a regular basis. I no longer felt safe. My personal history was littered with stories about being at fault with things I had no control over and I felt trapped by my own tears. Being a security guard felt like a natural fit. I wanted to be safe and in so doing help others to feel safer. The first stage of my healing process involved my need to see that it was okay to flee what I was afraid of because I was feeling unsafe. David knew of the need to do this. He was running from Saul and in this case the Philistines. God honored David's need to be safe and I believe God communicates this message to many in abusive situations today.

          As I began to feel safer I began my journey back into ministry. In a sense I knew more about salvation than I ever did. The word salvation is sharing with others what it means to be safe. David found his refuge in God. I was learning that I needed to discover what this refuge meant for me. I was offered opportunities to do a bible study at an adult day care facility. I was affirmed and felt comfortable and sought out other challenges after that. I was discovering it was okay to love me. I did not need to punish myself any longer for events in my past history. I was ministering out of strength rather than weakness. The feedback from my counselor and other supports was unanimous. I needed to get back into ministry. All of us are like the birds mentioned in the beginning. Fear keeps us away from being the best person we can be. As we gain confidence we become like the farmer who finds a way to get birds to safety. For the Christian the safe haven is the church and from there we celebrate how God gives strength to even the least of these.
          David was a shepherd who used previous victories over fear to take a stand against Goliath. In the story about being cornered in Gath, David acted like a crazy man and they left him alone. I had learned that I was a lot more than my depression, even if I do still get depressed. I was a minister, father, caregiver and a lot more. I was learning with David that the love of God cast out fear. In some cases this means it is okay to flee harm. At other times I stand strong to fight the enemy knowing God is with me. Love is the victory
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