Note to self: Future Ghost Dream

Dear Me,

Remember this conversation from last night?

"You can do this." The dream me implored. "You can't give up, you just have to believe."

The swirly incandescence of the surrounding ether is intoxicating. None of my dreams have ever been this vivid. Then again I've never felt quite like this. So despondent, hopeless.

"O now you're just being dramatic." I felt a twinge of annoyance somewhere in the back of my mind but I couldn't muster enough desire to respond, either verbally or even with a facial scowl. "Cooome on Ashley, focus." The other me implored. I suppose I was being a tad self-serving, I redoubled my efforts to focus on her form. My form. A different me, yet the same. A more self possessed me yet still with an air of insecure capabilities.

"Is this what I look like in the future?" I croaked out. "Where are you from, 5, 10 years from now?" She smiles a warm smile, the one that looked like a smirk, the one my Mom loves. Mom says it's my smile, a gesture unique only to me.

"5 years? Try 1." This surprised a few blinks out of me. "Really Ashley what's gotten into you? I know you're a bit bummed right now but this is nothing compared to what you've been through, or--" She trailed off and dropped her gaze for the first time since appearing in this drug induced dream of mine.

"Or?" I pressed.

"Or could go through." She finished, but I knew that wasn't what she'd wanted to say. Can't say how, maybe intuition, maybe because she was me, perhaps both. I didn't call her on it. "Now, can I read my letter please?"

"Why do you need a letter? You could just talk to me." She gave me an annoyed glare. You know we express our-self better in the written word." Her use of the plural-singular was unsettling. I know it's just a dream but that still feels a little crazy. "Just listen."

Dear Me of 1 Year Ago:

What's sup? You're 28 and a half now, T-minus 48 months till 30 girl! I hope we had a great summer, exercised more consistently, and took that trip with the cousins like we discussed. Did Chloe and Jackie make it to Georgia for your birthday and/or the family reunion? I hope so, if not make sure we see them soon. Unless we went to Chicago for Christmas again, but I digress.

I know there have been tough times. How about that grief group huh? Great job taking the initiative to help others through a difficult time. Don't be afraid to speak up, your voice needs to be heard. Joy and Sammi are great group leaders and it's refreshing to grieve with others nearer your age. This is a calling for you, you know it now and you feel it more then. It's not your only calling though so keep up the writing.

I know your contract with Wellpoint is coming to an end. Don't worry. I can't tell you exactly what happens, but like when we were let go from ISS, you still have that peace that passes all understanding. Cling to that and strive for the self-discipline that we're always talking and thinking about but rarely implementing.

Well, that's honestly about it. Prodigy and the team are doing well. Continue to be a friend to Mark and his new significant other. I know you will be, even though it stings a bit sometimes. It's important for your own growth that you maintain the relationship, even if at a bit of a distance.

O, one tiny resolution, continue to attempt to call folks more. Especially the old ones Go see Granny once a week....at least every 10 days or so. I know, much easier said than done, but it's worth it to at least put in some effort.

O and one more thing, about that Dear Me contest. I can't tell if you win or not, but you do find this exercise to be most helpful; therapeutic even. When life hands you lemons and all....

Love,
Your future self

P.S. Without another word her image dissolved and my eyes were fluttering open. I took a moment to come to my senses, feel the weariness of my extremities. Gilded sunlight streamed through my thin brown curtains. It was going to be a beautiful day.

Word count: 736
"Dear Me: Official WDC Contest"