Peas in a Pod

Libra is my pagan star sign. 30/3 my Pythagoran numeric symbolic reason for existence. My favourite colours are Angelite blue and deep - dark, emerald green. My name is for now, confidential. Graphic Artist, empath, workaholic, alcoholic, nicotine adict and occasional marijuana toker ; ) It's not a complete disaster just yet.

My esoteric make-up with the epidemiological evidence from astrology and Pythagoras - Tora mechanics, chinese astrology (rabbit by the way) etc. a see sawing Libran, express my self with sensitivity, and a mile deep - burrow builder.

It's tantalising disaster.

I came back to the small town I was born in. Nothing wrong with it. Just small. Just home - still.

I travelled. Not far. From this small, tidy, conservative town, to Wellington, then to Australia, then back again to here. Fourteen years away. I'm not going to get into what got me back yet, though. I'll bore you too early on.

Here and now, Lizzie my partner is in the master bedroom. She's not eating, mostly sleeping, and only keeping as best she can, with her mind in balance. She unfortunately does this with alcohol. She balances out her anxieties, which are difficult to decode. Like myself, she occasionally likes to slice her head off from the rest of the body.

I am writing because I'm stay in there for her. I love her. And by expressing, I'm doing my best for her. I will continue to monitor her, guide her, provide for her and by doing the best for my life too, inspire what may be good for her and to lift her up higher than her current expectations. Mine too.

She has asked me for help. She had gone out with me and moved in with me to get herself help. I noticed a short-lived destructive cycle, I was fresh out of one. It was not the finish line, but it was the start and we got on very well.

My aim here is to be able to write my story. It helps clean my mind, and the year ahead may need a strong one. The body wants to just bathe and give into gravity sadly. Bloody nicotine! I like getting fit. It hates me getting fit!

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It's later on now. A few beard trims later.

The Lizzie alcohol thing I know isn't the source for her only motive, destructive though it is. Her motive isn't from spiders, hospitals and big social gatherings, either. It's not 'the end of the world', but it would be nice for her not to drink over the recommended limit. Vodka is a fairly clean alcoholic product. Some of my best times were when I had a high tolerance to alcohol (Never with Vodka! never Rum! never with Bourbon or with Tequila though - lethal toxins!). Those times would not be as good now, though. Not at this point in the revolution.

I'm generally conservative, with a heart for the environment, but fundamentally am just encouraging for people to share their thoughts and be self realised by their use in productivity. Thoughts are a lot more important than what thinkers often get credit for. "Stop day dreaming", they'd say; parents, teachers, even from within my own generation I think, but never from old people I reckon. Old people encouraged it; taught me to dabble with things like drawing, whittling, flower pressing and all that other stuff that comes with day dreaming, that sports jocks might enjoy sneering at. You know, with us, keeping our bodies in form; free of breaks, and with less of a prick of an old age. And we make hobbies for ourselves, so as to never get bored with our own fee thinking company (sole (soul) ownership).

I currently work for an educational institution as an administrator. I quite like it compared to the hospitality enslavement I had previous - working other peoples sick days, awkward work parties and workplace crushes, and a lack of touch of what a lifestyle really was. That industry turned me into a caffeine and nicotine addicted, impatient around wingers, complaisantly methodical, a 'quiet achiever' (twice), with my last posts in that industry a gormless front office administrator. I had access to loads of weed. I never smoked before work though - directly after, but never before. I had ethics. That was in Perth, in Western Australia though, so life was already 'too easy' (an appropriate saying there).

That was almost five years ago now.

I met Lizzie here.

When I moved back here to New Zealand I first moved in with my Mum and Dad - above them, but still in 'with' them quite consciously. It's a crazy bloody thing to do as a single bloke at that age. They're lovely people, but being the 37 year old 'kid' was traumatic enough for me to move out. In my speed I wasn't hugely fussy about what I got. Lizzie moved in after about a month and was not single at that time. I couldn't have been more single at that time - a champion, with years of experience. I did meet a nightmarish head case of a summer fling thing after a while. It didn't end very well at all. She was a social alcoholic. My adopted social alcoholism with her discovered that I could no longer act deceptively or avoid telling the truth. I preferred the life I had previously without such risks, but then my somehow deflated Australian credit card pulled all my attention away from the fat wine drinking, smoking - socialising world, toward a much leaner, less than social, wine drinking, smoking and won ton munching world. I got into blogging and watched many YouTube Documentaries.

Lizzie reads a lot. I've always liked that as it means I can start dabbling with stuff - craft/ art, etc., and a wonderful harmony can be generated between the two of us. Instead we are more likely to watch You Tube in bed. Greatest Fails, Flash Mobs, stand up comedians, the shows we watched when we were kids - Some clips several times in one night... she unfortunately doesn't sleep in the normal working class routine.

The truth for why I write now, is that with Lizzie I'm experiencing a cycle. I want to learn more about it by writing.

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http://www.zawya.com/story/UAE_funds_improve_lives_of_300000_in_6_nations-GN_190... What this link goes to (if it remains working) is a story of Clean Energy project funds. It's good. It's a shame that these countries being gifted these funds in blood sucking development probably had to have both the societal and economic breakdowns through religious conflicts first. It's a shame that couldn't have been avoided. Then to some, that would lack foresight and it's just good business sense.

First day back at work after a months holiday. Lizzie made work today too I think. She said so. I believe her and that's all that matters. If my parents get worried, I have to calm them. That usually happens after I experience some moments of despair. That feeling only disappears for me quickly though some mundane cleaning task.

Lizzie is a Language teacher and has travelled around the world. While she was travelling, I was supervising and operating corporate dinners and events - telling my friends and family that I was saving to travel. I wasn't. I didn't get much, so I spent it. I dabbled with painting classes for a while, did a Graphic Design Diploma course, but then I socialised, drank and worked more in the industry I was attempting to phase my way out of. I moved to Perth with a lot of financial help from my sister, to work in her industry - banking.

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I need to trim my beard.