Separate Ways

The sunrise signaled a fresh start. Marvia slipped through the sliding glass door onto the deck. Facing the beautiful red and purple brush strokes in the eastern sky, she unrolled her mat. She was aware of the balmy morning air as she naturally eased her body into posture. She normally loved early mornings in the desert, but today her inner peace had been shaken. She knew that struggling to get back into balance would not work. She took several deep breaths and observed the painful thoughts as they swirled through her mind. Raising her arms to begin her series of sun salutations helped to steady her aching heart. She allowed her palms to remain open to accept the energy of the sun. For at least the next hour, Marvia knew that she would be safe in her sacred space and for this she was grateful. Her yoga practice had become more than a workout about fifteen years ago. She now traveled 250 days per year, conducting retreats and training teachers as well as managing her own studio. Yoga gave her peace and fulfillment. Finding a relationship was not a priority, and giving it up would be like abandoning a child.

She fell asleep briefly during the restorative Savasana at the end of her practice. After downing an entire bottle of water, she went inside and headed for the shower. As she stepped into the stall, she was surprised at her own amusement that the song "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair" began to play in her head. She almost giggled out loud. "How fitting," she thought. "This whole situation is absurd."

"Never get your honey where you get your bread," a wise colleague had once told her, and Marvia had adopted it as a rule. She avoided getting into anything other than a professional relationship with her students although there really weren't any ethical rules to prohibit this. It was just good common sense.

Robert had enrolled in her retreat right here in Sedona three months ago. He also wanted to work toward teacher certification although he did not plan to teach professionally. He was larger and more muscular than most yogis and looked more like a construction worker than the business executive that he was. He was friendly and flirtatious when they met at registration and he asked if she taught private sessions for a fee. All the bells and whistles went off in Marvia's head and she was aware that she needed to "stop, look and listen" before proceeding.

Robert was an executive for a large natural products company and had been practicing yoga for about eight years. He had worked hard to build customer bases in some of the less progressive Bible Belt states and had been very successful. As one of the area's most desirable and eligible bachelors, he had a steady supply of women but had not had time to pursue a serious relationship. Things had slowed down and he felt that he was ready for some stability. His intention for the retreat was to take a well-deserved stress break. He had expected the instructor to be a plain type wearing Birkenstocks. Instead, he was immediately drawn in by this natural, petite beauty with her immense green eyes and bouquet of red curls. He liked the fact that their work was related and that they had similar spiritual values.

Against her better judgment, Marvia accepted an invitation to have tea with Robert in the garden. They found that they had a great deal more in common and felt as though they'd known each other all their lives. Marvia had not felt such a strong attraction to anyone since her first year of college and she thought that Robert just might be her soul mate. She decided to break her own rule, but made Robert wait until the retreat was over. This was her last retreat until after the holidays, and Robert just so happened to live just two miles away from her home in Sedona.

A few dinner dates quickly led to spending almost all of their days and nights together. Marvia had not felt that anything had been missing from her life, but being with Robert gave her a sense of wholeness that she had not felt before. He was a best friend as well as a lover, and she felt that she had come full circle.

The holiday season approached and Marvia began making preparations for her next retreat. They had not yet discussed what they would do when this became a long-distance relationship for three quarters of the year. Robert also traveled for his business, but coordinating their work to get them into any of the same locations would be impossible. For the past week, there had a been a shadow hanging over their heads like a cumulus cloud threatening to burst forth with rain.

Robert's parents had taken a trip overseas for the holidays, and he accompanied Marvia when she visited her mother at her assisted living complex on Christmas Eve. Marvia's father had passed away three years ago and her mother was afflicted by early onset Alzheimer's Disease. She was having a lucid day when they visited, and she kept asking when they were going to give her a grand-baby. They enjoyed going out for a romantic dinner before returning to Marvia's home. They made love in front of the fire but the flame of their usual passion flickered, threatening to be blown out by an air of uncertainty. They held on to each other as if for dear life, neither wanting to let go of the moment or the dream.

Gazing into Robert's eyes, Marvia spoke first. "The past few days have been beautiful but we haven't been honest with each other or ourselves, have we?"

Sighing, Robert said, "We've been postponing the inevitable, I know. Wondering if we can stay together while going our separate ways. I know that I can't ask you to give up your work. I know that it's more than that, and it's a part of you and it's your life. I love and respect you enough to put aside my selfishness." He cupped her chin in his hands. "Lady, if you have been able to do that, you've really pulled off a miracle."

Her eyes brimmed with tears. "For you, I would give it all up in a heartbeat. We both know that the danger is that we would resent each other in the future. Have you decided what you want to do?"

"Sometimes the best decision is no decision. Maybe we should just go on with our lives and try to see whether it can work without working at it?"

Marvia rested her head on his chest and took a deep breath, as though she could inhale his very essence and store it within her heart indefinitely. "Maybe," she whispered as she fell asleep.

Robert took her to the airport to catch her red eye flight. They had breakfast in the airport coffee shop and made small talk, avoiding the issue. When she was ready to board her plane, they held each other tightly and she promised to call to let him know that she had arrived safely.

She settled in her seat, taking her journal and pen out of her bag. As the plane ascended, she looked out the window and was in awe of the beautiful red, orange and purple brush strokes in the sky. She felt strangely calm and at peace. The sunrise signaled a fresh start.

Word Count: 1262