unemployment

today marks the first day dave has had nothing to do.
he's done farming with the dude he knows and has today to himself. Ahhh i know what I'd do with a day to myself.
I talked to him this morning and asked him what he will be doing today - maybe fishing because he loves it and there is ice and now snow on the lakes...he says he's not sure. He may go xmas shopping (big check from the farmer yesterday).

Here is the thoughts for the paper today:
he has all day every day to do whatever he wants. He worked hard all summer/spring/fall and has til April now to do whatever he feels like (as I can do in the summertime). And so I worry. What's he doing? Who's he with? Is he faithful?

I guess a lot of this was sparked by yesterday.
I had the day off and told him if he had time I'd come hang out...he called me in the morning and said he had to go to work for a few hours. I figured he'd be back in time for me to come hang out before Eric got home from school. So I waited. I took a nice long hot bath and watched it snow out the windows. I watched countless episodes of "Will and Grace" and "Friends" off my DVR, even a couple CSI's. He called and said he was on his way home - - I thought cool i'll get ready and come over. he said he was stopping by his cousins. I waited for a call back. Fell asleep. Waited. Texted him some grrs. Called. No answer. His phone must be in the truck. He answered. He'd been drinking I'm sure of it. He asked if I was mad. I said no but I was hoping to see you today. The subject got dropped. He asked me when sleepover night would be. I said IDK. I have speech now til 6 most nights...ugh. more talking and later I asked "only me right?" he said "you know the answer to that" I said sorry and texted a sad face. he said its ok and yes its only you.

I guess i thought he would have wanted to hang out on my monday off but whatever.

I don't care who he's with or what he's doing. It'd just be nice to know he's thinking of me and that he'd want to see me when he can now that things are gonna be so crazy with everything going on all at once.

oh well. I trust him and I have to have faith that he won't betray me. That he loves me enough to not hurt me - - like everyone else has. but remind myself that he's not everyone else. he's my cactus and he loves me.