the big forty

here I am. Tuesday, November19th, I'll be the big 40. I'd call it a bitter-sweet, arrival. The age is not what's bothering me; it's the baggage that came along with it, and unfortunately, it's here to stay. I'm talking about the rheumatoid arthritis. Bitter -sweet it is if you ask me. So, not only do I have to deal with this condition; but now I have to deal with my life in general. Most of the adults my age have their life in order--but not I. No me. At this age, many have their own house; their own condos, and a career. Not I. I feel like I'm being pressed for time. I feel like I'm running a race with society and myself. Mostly myself. I see youth wasting their time on nothing. And I, for time would trade most of anything to just get that youthful health. Good has blessed me with a young face, and that I thank him for. But, what good is that when internally I feel well over seventy. I still that the lord for what I do have. But, I just can't help but to wonder about what could have been if I had done things differently. Would I have a condo? Would I have that dream home? But, on the other hand, what would have happened I if I stayed in the city I grew up in? One thing for sure, I'm glad I got up and left. If I would have stayed, what kind of life would my son have? I guess things do turn out for the best. I think that the best thing for now is focus about my writing and photography. Now that I'm at a new stage of my life, the things that matter the most are the things I should perfect and take more seriously. I have so much to say and do. Forty is a new beginning!