My Heart Knew

Never before had I found a single soul that connected with mine. Something about me was always too strange for others to grasp. Perhaps my mind that can run a million miles an hour while focusing on each task at hand. My strange sleeping habits or need to write? Who knows, but truthfully I have found someone who accepts me for my true self. It isn't like other men who told me how I would be. I have an ex-fiance whom does nothing more than hate my existence. We were together for five years, a relationship full of lies and deceit, but nonetheless we were together for such a large part of our lives that true pain came of the events that followed him asking me to take his last name.

I was a waitress at a little restaurant in our hometown, the world made sense to me, or so I thought at the time. Nothing mattered other than for me to see him, wake up next to him, love him, you name it...I was infatuated. I put so many false beliefs into my mind that I feel so foolish looking back now for believing it was actual love. Nothing could deter me from him at the time though. I was safe with him, i just knew it. Well, I was in for a big reality check.

Just like any other work day I went about my shift monotonously, taking care of customers, trying to stay busy, not too many smoke breaks. Something happened on my break that day. Something that slowly became a snowball of change in my game of life. I walked outside through the back door of the restaurant. The stench of grease overtook my sense of smell and the sun so bright a mid day, took hold of my eyes. Slowly adjusting from the blur and surprise I made out a figure on a motorcycle. Suddenly my mind was racing, my heart was beating to unnatural pitter-patter simply from seeing him. Something about him called out to me. I mustered up any courage I could put in my words and slowly developed the idea of testing the waters around him by asking for a ride on his motorcycle.

Anyone who knows me, knows my mother did nothing but protest to the idea of me ever mounting a "death trap", her words not mine. Respect I always gave her by staying away from them, but he was different, I wasn't even a little scared. He drove me to my house, we shared a couple drinks, and talked. We both could talk for hours, but to keep a job, you must abstain from taking too long of breaks. As much as I hated it, I asked him to take me back to work. From there I don't even know how to explain the feelings, other than magic.

I fell head over heels with this man, and it was such a different true feeling from what I felt towards my fiance that my thoughts weighed on me minute by minute. I knew the time was coming where I would have to own up to the way I felt to my boyfriend at the time. This random cook from work had stolen my heart and every piece of me with it. I tried first to ignore the feelings within and go on to make life easy the exact same as before. However, I could tell my boyfriend knew this man and I had a strange connection. He was so tall to me, and strong, his masculinity shown through his confident emerald eyes, and deep-tanned, hard-working, physique. His ideas intrigued me, I felt at home just being around him. Suddenly work became nothing more than a way for me to see him.

His genuine caring soul truly could entrap anyone, so why was I even giving this a second thought about leaving my boyfriend. I figured myself to be another notch on his belt, that he was like every other guy who was attractive and smart. Little did I know he had been through so much emotional, and physical pain that him smiling every day to me is an inspiration to want better, and do better. He invited my boyfriend and I over to his new apartment which he revealed with pride. Cocky was not the word that came to mind for me at this point like my boyfriend tried to say. Truly I saw a hard-worker who will always make sure he takes care of his loved ones. As my thoughts led me to believe such truths about him, he responded with examples. My boyfriend threw a fit like a young child and tried to get me away from this man.

I wasn't oblivious to the idea that he knew something stronger was going on between the cook and I. Truthfully though, we had done nothing but talk, and engage in innocent flirtations. Then, my world abruptly changed. He kissed me with supple lips and embraced me with a warmth never known to my experiences. His words slowly gave me strength to rise from the rug everyone used me as. His thoughts, his feelings, his emotions, his actions, everything was crazy, but over time I started to realize they seemed that way because that is exactly the way I was before I threw a filter over me to please everyone. He showed me an entire new world of letting me have inner peace with myself.

A night of drinking followed, fights between my boyfriend and I, hateful words, broken promises, but the most beautiful event on that night for me? We made love, the cook and I. It was so unique in comparison to the handful of times I had shared the experience with other men. I felt, experienced, shared, true love. Guilt was the only emotion my mind could wrap its head around the following morning knowing I had to face my boyfriend. Somehow though my emotions and thoughts subconsciously took over and I knew that wasn't a mistake. That night was the beginning of a beautiful adventure...