Magic Mutt

Magic Mutt
Once Upon a Time their was a dog that had magic powers.
One day this Magic Mutt was sleeping on top of a pile of garbage in a dumpster when eight rotten children showed up in his back ally to break bottles to pass the time while they skipped school.

These particular children were of the extra rotten type. All had good and loving families but none of them appreciated their nice homes, loving parents and great schools. They preferred to skip school, break bottles, smoke cigarettes and complain about how much life at home was stupid. They were all making plans to run away together and seek out a better life. A life of freedom with no boring bedrooms to clean, dirty dishes to wash, trash to take out, homework to do and no curfews. They all thought their parents were the worst and cursed them everyday.

Magic Mutt gave a slight doggie grin as he sat on top of the trash in his dumpster and listened to the ungrateful children complain about their lives.
Magic Mutt decided to make his appearance and offer the children a new life with him.

"Hello!" said Magic Mutt with a doggy grin and wagging his mangy tail, that could be heard thumping against the side of the dumpster.

"Cool! A dog that can talk." said the youngest boy in the group.
"Lets get him and give him a hair cut!" said the twin brother of the youngest kid in the group.
"No, lets throw stuff at him ." said a chubby red headed boy in the group. The red headed boy took careful aim at the Magic Mutt and let loose with a old baseball he found in the ally.

The baseball should of hit Magic Mut right in the face but the baseball harmlessly hit the back of the dumpster with a loud thump where Magic Mutt had just been.
Magic Mutt was of course magic and had vanished before their eyes just before the baseball should of hit.
"Where did he go!?"

"Ha ha ha,' laughed Magic Mutt from behind the group of children, scaring them all.

"What the heck?" exclaimed a tall blond haired girl who was the oldest and also the leader of the group. She was constantly up to no good.
"Lets see if we can catch him and sell him to the Circus, then we can buy some cigarettes." The blond girl suggested.
"Yeah, cigarettes!" cheered the group together. They all turned and tried to chase after the big scraggly looking brown mutt. The Magic Mutt played chase with them for a long time, easily out maneuvering even the fastest rotten kid of the group, who used to be a track star but had decided that sports were for woosies.

When the rotten kids were all out of breath and could no longer chase the Magic Mutt, the Magic Mutt appeared on top of his dumpster where they had first noticed him. He was sitting there smoking a cigarette. This looked very odd indeed a large dog smoking a cigarette on top of the dumpster. When all the rotten kids were looking at him they suddenly all panted like dogs hot from the chase.
Magic Mutt smiled at them and asked them if they all wanted a cigarette.




"Yes, yes, give us some cigarettes! They agreed eagerly.
"O.K" said Magic Mutt, "But first you must all SIT! Commanded Magic Mutt.
The rotten kids all sat down on command. Then a whole pack of cigarettes appeared in front of the oldest blond haired girl. She handed them out to the others. Once they all had a light and were puffing away on their cigs Magic Mutt began to talk to them.
"Why are you children hanging out here in the alley breaking bottles? I thought children your age were supposed to be in school."
"Awwww, rancid trash on school!" said the chubby red haired boy who had tried to throw the baseball at Magic Mutt earlier.
"But, what is so bad about school? Don't you want to please your parents and get good grades so you can grow up well and become successful men and women?"
"No way! Our parents are all stupid! They don't care about us. They tell us they love us but they really don't! The group complained.
"Do you all have warm beds to sleep in and good food to eat?"
"Yes, I suppose we do, but who wants to spend all that time making a bed, cleaning a bedroom and eating vegetables." argued the oldest blond haired girl in the group.
"Indeed, I am not fond of vegetables myself, nasty things, all crunchy and green.. blah. I prefer nice juicy meat.'
"I like hamburgers with cheese and ketchup," announced a skinny brown haired boy who was wearing expensive jeans and a brand new Polo shirt.
"I like hamburgers too. Would you all like a hamburger with cheese and ketchup?" asked Magic Mutt.
"Yes, mmmmmmm hamburgers that sounds good," the group agreed.
"O.K then," Magic Mutt grinned, blew out a puff of smoke and then a large plate full of juicy hamburgers appeared on the ground in front of the children. "Dig in." said Magic Mutt.
"These are good!" said the chubby red haired boy as he gobbled down his first burger and reached for another. "I want something to drink!" he demanded.
"How about some root beer?" suggested Magic Mutt.
"Yay, Root beer!"
Magic Mutt stood up and jumped down from the dumpster, sniffed at the corner of the dumpster then lifted his leg and produced a big stream of yellow pee. The kids all wrinkled up their noses at the sight, but when Magic Mutt moved away from the spot where he peed, there stood a 12 pack of cold root beer. The rotten kids all laughed at the nasty trick. Then eagerly grabbed the soda and drank it straight down.

"Have you children ever considered becoming a Dog?" Magic Mutt asked with a doggy grin.
"A dog? questioned the children.
"Why yes, life as a dog is wonderful, you never have to go to school, or do homework."
"What about taking a bath, my mom gives our dog Shorty a bath every two weeks and he hates it!" said the chubby red haired boy.

"Baths? My dear boy, the only kind of bath I take is in a dirty mud puddle and Magic Mutt started rolling around in a nearby mud puddle. He rolled so vigorously that all the children laughed at such a silly sight and even harder when Magic Mutt shook out his mangy fur and a big shower of muddy water shook out along with a few unhappy fleas that quickly jumped back into his fur.

"Then after a nice dirty bath, I like to roll in the garbage," Magic Mutt then jumped into a big pile of particularly stinky looking garbage that sat next to the dumpster. Magic Mutt came out stinking like rotten garbage and the children all squealed with delight at the funny dog all covered with garbage and mud.
"That looks fun and all, but what about bedtime?" said the oldest blond haired girl with her arms crossed sarcastically in front of her chest.
"Pshhhhaw to bed time," said Magic Mutt. I go to bed whenever I am tired and I get up when I please." Then Magic Mutt made a comfy looking doggy bed appear.

He stepped into it . And circled around several times.
Then he rolled onto his back with his legs sticking up in the air and large pink tongue lolling out the side as he pretended to sleep, snoring loudly drawing another loud laugh from the group of children.

The skinny brown haired boy who used to be a track star went up to Magic Mutt and rubbed his belly causing Magic Mutt's hind leg to involuntarily shake back and forth while enjoying the belly rub.
"Hmm No school, no baths, no bedtime, no homework school or chores." Pondered the Blond haired girl.
"You mentioned no school twice." said Magic Mutt with a doggy grin.. Still looking silly laying on his back.
" I really like that one," the blond haired girls admitted.

"What are the rules of being a dog? asked the chubby red headed boy.
"Rules? Not very many rules in fact only five rules." Magic Mutt sat up and then recited to the rotten children as follows.
1.) I am the boss.
2.) Butt sniffing is mandatory when greeting one another.
3.) Most cats must be chased and or killed. There are a few exceptions to this rule, like if the cat is bigger than you.
4.) Squirrels and Rabbits are always eaten raw. Delicious, Magic Mutt licked his choppers at the thought.
5.) You must howl when a firetruck or ambulance goes by with its sirens on. Or any time I tell.
"Eww butt sniffing," said the younger twin in the group and then blasted a huge green loogy out of his nose blasting a snot rocket so hard it hit the dumpster and oosed down the side attracting a few flies on its way down.
Just then the street lights turned on. It was getting dark and it was time for the children to go home.
"Ratts we have to go home now," announced the oldest blond haired girl.
"I completely understand, for those of you who want to become a dog meet me here before sundown tomorrow and I will turn you into a dog and you can be part of my pack and we will travel the world together." Magic Mutt said and wagged his tail as each child patted him on his head and said good night..


That night after each child was tucked into their beds and kissed goodnight by their loving parents they all dreamed the same dream. They dreamed of having four leggs, rolling in the dirt, howling at the moon, eating the best tasting garbage and running for miles and miles. No more homework, no more books no more teachers dirty looks! they heard chanted in the back ground of their dreams.
Each child woke early the next morning, made their beds for the last time and tenderly kissed their parents good-bye before leaving for school. Much to the suprise of their parents.
The children all arrived at the alley bright and early. Magic Mutt wagged his tail and greeted each of the rotten children. Then he introduced them to a old hag of a woman who sat by a fire in the alley.

This is my only human friend Wanda. She travels with us from time to time and does things for us that only a human can do.
"Like what?' asked the chubby red headed boy suspiciously.

"Dogs cannot read or see in color. There are times even I need help." She is my pet so to speak.

"Woof, woof," the old woman cackled and tended the fire.
"How about some cigs before we decide for sure if this is what we want to do." said the oldest blond haired girl.
"Very well," said Magic Mutt and a lit cig appeared in each child's mouth. "Lets have a smoke."
All the children gathered around Magic Mutt and sat down around him in a circle.

Magic Mutt in the center. It looked for very odd indeed with all eight children sitting in a circle around Magic Mutt and all of them smoking.
After a few long drags off of the cigarettes, Magic Mutt asked if the children were ready to become dogs..

All the children took a drag of their cigs at the same time and exhaled together as they said yes.

"Do you all agree to become dogs and be in my pack?" Magic Mutt asked..

"Yes, we all agree," they exhaled the smoke together. The smoke became a thick cloud and eveloped them all...only the Hag could be heard cackling in the background as all the children were turned into to dogs..
Suddenly the children found themselves in a pack, tightly smooshed together. They could hardley see, everything was blurry, as if they were looking through a very sooty dirty window. They all called out together, " We are all smooshed, but when they shouted they could no longer speak human they only spoke dog now. Bark, bark , bark..was all that came out from their voices.
They heard the old hag cackle in delight. "Oh this is a lovely pack. Magic Mutt you have really out done yourself this time. I have never seen a finer pack of dogs." The rotten kids continued to bark, but they could not move. They could not move because indeed they were a pack of dogs. A pack of Hot Dogs and now would become the dinner of the Old Hag and Magic Mutt.
The End.

The moral of this story? You tell me.