You're Kiddin' Me

YOU”RE KIDDIN” ME

"Hey David, wake up." It was distant and familiar; above the depths of my delta brain waves and unwelcome. "Come on Dave! Wake up, it's an emergency!" It was Tony.
"You're kiddin' me man. It's like the middle of the night!"
"I know, I know. You think I wanna be here?! Jeez, open up, talk to me."
Against my better judgement, I unlatched the window. Tony pulled it open,
"Look at me will ya!"
I opened my eyes to Tony's panicked face. He rasped,
"I'm possessed man."
"So? Who am I, The Exorcist?"
"This is serious you heathen. Look!" Tony grimaced and his eyes began to glow.
"Oh really, you been watchin' too much of that supernatural stuff. You're so impressionable."
Tony growled and glared. His breathing turned irregular. He hissed,
"I'm not impressionable you idiot. I'm a fallen angel."
"Of course you are. On the weekend you thought you could play golf; at karaoke you thought you could sing, you think you look cool in that floral shirt you got, you think Amy Sutton likes you, and every week you're into a new food fad."
"Damn you, I've a mind to suck the blood from your cynical body!"
"Oh, your new food fad?"
"Explain these then lard-head!" Tony lifted his hands. His fingers were clawed and covered in scales.
"Scary monster hands?"
"Exactly!"
"...that need a manicure."
Tony's face ballooned and his nostrils flared. He gurgled and sneered at me. In a guttural voice he cursed,
"Prepare to die David, son of Goleen the Righteous."
"I will, I promise, but in the morning. I can't concentrate now and preparing to die deserves my full attention." I rolled over and pulled up the blankets. 
The alarm announced that Wednesday wanted my attention. Oh, give me a break.