To my Broken Heart

(GIRL SITS ALONE ON STAGE, SMOKING AND THINKING TO HERSELF, SHE APPEARS TO HAVE BEEN CRYING BUT IS NOW TRYING TO HIDE IT. THROUGHOUT THE MONOLOGUE, SHE IS OFF THE WALL WITH EMOTION BEGINS TRYING TO BE BREEF AND LIGHT.)


" You know that question people ask, if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? I would have been born a lesbion. i would never have had fights with my mother, i would've huged my father more, fought with my brother less...and never would have told you how i feel about anything. I wouldn't have given you the opportunity to break my heart. no, wait, that's not right. Maybe i would've.Maybe if i had to do everything agin, i would have told you sooner. I remember how we were before things got screwed up between us. Back when i could call you and laugh about something stupid one of us had said. When we would talk together about relationships, and how in love with her you were. I knew then but i couldn't tell you...couldn't take the chance of losing you because i couldn't tell the difference betweenwhat was real and what i wanted to feel. well, now i know. (LOOKS AT CIG. AND SMILES) Ya know, i quite this a long time ago. Haven't had one in .....3 years? You made me quite. Told me you never could see yourself with a girl who smokes....i stopped that day. That night in your car, we talked for an hour. You were scared to move, and i didn't want you to go, but i didn't know how to make you stay. The day you told me, i felt like everything i had ever known was going to crash down around me and i wouldn't have abything left but this feeling that only lasted for a short time. And still i wasn't even sure thats what it was! i was loosing you, and there wasn't a goddamn thing tht i could do! And you didn't know....because i wouldn't tell you. See, i always felt sorry for men. All this f*cked-up shit goes on in women's heads and they have go and figure it out. What would've happened , if i had told you? then there was that night. i didn't think it was possible, you were still in love with someone who had no concept of what she had in you. And i hated her for that....truely hated! but she made you happy so what could i say? we sat there talking for a long time. you said you could stay like that forever. i smiled, and got brave; i leaned against you softly. i held my breathe. you put your arm around my shoulders. i thought i was dreaming. we were qiuet for a long time. i felt you shift, and i held my breathe again, and then almost in a dream like way, i felt two lips soft aginst my forhead, and was blown away. when you touched my face, i could've cried for everything i was feeling inside was all just thrown together. then you said what i had been wanting to say for so long. 'I love you'. I died. my heart literally stoped because i was sure that it couldn't keep up with everything that was happening.My world was falling together. you loved me. it was an amazing moment. but that seemed to be it. just a moment. you went back to her, and i'm left here, remembering what the kiss felt like, and where your arms where, and the position of every star in the sky...all because i want it back.i want you back. but you're gone a thousand miles away from the place where we parked to talk, and the schhol where we met, and the swing where we kissed. And ya know what? there are times when i think about it and i hate you... hate you because you left. we never had a chance because you decided to leave. And i 'm not as strong as you think. For the first time in my life, i found myself crying to sleep last night. I'm hopelessly falling apart and it hurts. And you're not here to tell me that i'll be fine. And maybe that's because i won't be. You are physically thousands of miles away. But you're still here with me. In the class where we laughed, in the memories we shared, and sitting next to me on that swing where for the first time in my life, i fell in love. You were my savior, my pain-in-the-ass, my best friend, my shrink, my love, my hate. So what if i could change anything? If i had seen the end before it began. I would have been a lesbion. But then again, if i were....then i wouldn't have been lucky enough to be loved by you. and that would've been the worst mistake of my life. (TAKES LAST DRAG OFF SMOFE, THEN TOSSES IT) Thanx babe.





(LOTS OF PEOPLE VEIW, BUT WHAT DO U THINK? PLEASE SEND ME SOME FEED BACK!)