Write about it

Welcome inside,
My world, my fantasy, my reality.
My wonderland,
If you could look into my mind,
You'd probably call it insanity.
If so  you’ll never understand me.

The times I’ve had,
The cherished moment I hold,
The nights I’ve been so sad.
They say I should write about it,
But its so hard I gotta admit.

I gotta face these feelings,
What feelings u think I feel?
You only know what I tell you,
And that’s even if I tell you.
How do you know what u think is my real?
All I desire is Healing.

It’s a long process on a long road,
“You deserve what you’ve gone through”…
So that’s what I’ve been told.
The repetition of those words in my head…
Never grow old.

Things I don’t understand,
Things I cannot take back.
All of the things I ever did lack.
Damn I don’t  cut me some slack.

A mother for years,
I’ve faced my worst fears.
Gone in a heart beat,
Revenge was the motive,
Just let me know how u sleep?

All over in a day,
I didn’t even get to say bye,
For weeks never  even heard Hi.
Why do people have to be so heartless,
For your souls I every now and then pray.

I’ve come so far,
From being out there so far.
The pain I’ve felt I pray u never know.
The stress and grief in my personality,
I can’t help, it does show.

My trust is tainted,
From the picture of Love that you’ve painted.
I don’t even understand love,
It’s like learning to walk all over again.
I feel like an old man getting out the penn.
Nothing to rely on,  Nothing to secure.
But I’ve gained and I’ve pushed myself,
All with a sickness of pain that has no cure.

I’ve seen what words do,
I’ve seen what lies do,
I’ve heard those words that were so untrue.
A Lie is a lie,
No matter from a woman or a guy.
Love is something perceived in many ways,
Different views,
Different feelings.
No two people Love the same way,
It’s not something u pick up in one day.

I will recover,
I’ve made it this far.
Trying to rekindle the relations torn apart,
Trying to teach others to think with their heart.
After so long,
How do I believe this is where I belong?
Belong? Yes I do,
I remind myself,
I’ve gotta be strong.
For one day Trust and Love will come along.

Too scared to love,
I give it all up to the Man up above.
I picked up most of the pieces Of my heart.
Each person I’ve loved taking with them a part.
What was left I glued, taped, and sewn.
And I am learning real love all on my own.

To not need a person,
To make me whole.
Not a person who will hurt me,
Because in a heartbeat  I’ll let them go.
I was that ride or die,
But u couldn’t separate reality from your world of lies.

I never Lost so much.
I never cried so much.
I’ve tried my hardest,
I’ve stuck through to the end.
For so many years I was the wife,
Someone’s Baby, The honey.
I never even was about Money.
Never tried to hurt you,
Never went on strike.
Never Lied, Never ever…Never.
All the time I gave you I can never regain.
But I should have known…
Nothing in this world lasts forever.

But there I was having no hope.
There standing alone inside,
Not a lot of pride,
No sunshine,  No reason to go on.
Just wanting to crawl and go hide.

But here now I look here where I stand.
I’ve mended my mind,
It took a lot of twine.
I’ve made my mistakes,
I’ve humbled my pride.

I wouldn’t let anyone do that again,
I cant even allow someone deep within.
I value myself,
Even more as I’ve grown.
Even though the person inside,
I don’t think I’ve ever known.
The sad me,
The confident me.
The Mommy….
The Mommy.

I learned my lessons.
In life if you give you make sure you receive.
Whether it be time, happiness, or Love.
People who take and never give,
For I fear the karma on its way in your life.
I seek no revenge.
For God has his own way of revealing…
All the things you failed to see…Me.

I am a blessing.
I am a creation.
Meant…To be.
A soul created with expertise.

The hole I was in,
I crawled my way out,
On my own hands and knees.
I’ve given my blood,
Paid for my sins.
I’ve suffered on end.

I am doing so much better,
But the memories remain.
Entrapped in this world.
The world inside.
So much Sad, So much Mad,
Mixed in with  So much renewal,
So happy and so Glad.

I know If I survived to this moment,
I must be so strong.
You’ve showed me just how much,
The person in my heart  knew all along.

A road in my choices,
To go right or go left.
I’ve faced that most have placed their bet.
The path I chose is the path with sunshine.
The world I create is all mine.
Not to be faded by anyone.
That control isn’t anyone’s, its mine.
I’ll have my good ones,
My bad ones.
But Im learning to except and handle them.
And to know how to trust and when.

My world is mixed,
Like a box of many colors.
So dark, and so bold,
So warm and then so cold.
The cools and the warms.
So happy but also so sad.

My world, my fantasy, my reality.
If you could look into my mind,
You'd probably call it insanity.
And at that moment I know  you’ll never understand me.
So don’t waste my time, and I’ll respect yours.

Because through all my adventure  I love who I’ve become.