Informated is an Adjective

5. Informated is an Adjective 
There is a creek that separates Wyandotte and Lincoln Park. The legend goes that people from the Dotte and those from the LP were rivals because of said creek. Each town thought they were better and better off than the other. Not unlike a high school rivalry where kids get beat up for having parents that chose to live in different towns. Wyandotte people were conservatively logical. They never got upset about things like reality tv because they could shrug it all off by saying that reality tv is histrionic by design. Lincoln Park people were the ones that were all up in arms because of the stupidity of reality tv. They’d go on about cultural influence and whatever. 2 separate mindsets from 2 separated towns.
Even the people that grew up and didn’t let petty things segregate one from the next were kinda bias. Some people blame class hierarchies. The average Wyandotte resident made a bit more per year than the average Lincoln Park resident. I hear that having a little bit of extra money can make all the difference in the world. It is true that it’s easy to see the worst when you aren’t fucking rich. Another reason argued is that there are so many old houses with rooted families in Wyandotte that there is a deeper and more wholesome philosophy about the town.
I dunno. But, the creek was bridged many, many years ago. It unified the towns. Surely, as time wears on, rivalries become less and less relevant. We’ve all heard the stories of the violence and spite. You’ll never see any kind of peace gathering by the bridge. The residents from each city aren’t going to get together, hold hands, and sing songs. People don’t do that shit these days in the USA. As divided as everyone is politically, socially, religiously, and aesthetically, we are unified under the banner of non-lameness.
My friend, Stephen, told me that he was walking along the creek on the Lincoln Park side when he saw a very ugly mermaid. The finned female called out to him. He wondered if it was just a reaction from all the alcohol he’d been drinking. He caught alcoholism from his uncle and couldn’t shake the demon. There’s not much one can do when someone is spiraling out of control. It’s best to just leave those people to their vices. What he was searching for…no one knew. Anyway, he saw this mermaid on a drunken walk.
She told him that the rivalries of old were going to stir back up because the plans were to rebuild the bridge. She said that the bridge on Fort Street wasn’t going to be enough. No one liked to walk along Fort by the creek because there was always trash by the bus-stop. No one picked up litter. You might think that it would be all too easy for the local business owners to pick up the few bits of trash that accumulated over the day/night as assholes threw their empty cigarette packages, bottles, and shoes out the window, but you’d be wrong. 5 minutes of clean up? Ha. Especially in Lincoln Park…it’s like Detroit…it’s a public sidewalk so it’s not the private business owner’s responsibility to clean up the litter…even if everyone on Earth knows that people litter cuz it’s already littered on. Bad begets more bad.
It’s like how Stephen’s dad would fart in public situations…he’d adjust his privates in public…but if he was in church, he never farted or grabbed on his balls. Some situations call for respect and etiquette. Some don’t. Half the time, it seemed that his dad didn’t even think about it. I dunno. People are weird.
The mermaid warned Stephen that if he didn’t find a way to keep the bridge crossable, something terrible would happen. Yet, Stephen is his father’s son. He didn’t take the mermaid’s warnings seriously because she was ugly. Stephen’s dad always told me that ugly people could tell you the most intelligent thing in the world and I’d be reluctant to believe but if a model on tv said that all the trees on Earth were standing on end and singing…I’d be inclined to believe them. If it wasn’t true, tv wouldn’t be littered with beautiful people. He told me to name one Country music video that didn’t feature some big tittied, thin, bare midriff’d model.
I couldn’t think of one.
Yeah, just because you can’t prove someone wrong does not mean that they are right. You could have air-tight logic backing up any argument. That’s why when you go online and read any of the endless arguments going on about basically everything in the world, the person saying that something is ‘illogical’’ gets ripped to shreds. The ignorant think that the word ‘illogical’ means ‘fucking stupid’. The ignorant also have no clue what Philosophy actually is. I dunno…the internet is a place where people fart and adjust their balls because it’s not a respectable place/idea.
Stephen told the mermaid to go fuck her own twat, if she had one. Sarcastically, she replied “FINE!!” and swam off never to be seen again.
The bridge was tore down for repairs and within a month or 2, all sorts of craziness broke out. I mean: You know how when the government identifies yet another country we ought to hate and consider idiot terrorists…and a slew of people jump on that bandwagon and all the sudden it’s the politically correct thing to do…hate people? Well it was like that. That bridge was the only thing unifying the 2 towns. Parents forbade inter-city dating. There were dozens of teens that tried to swim across to be with their loves…the mermaid took them all. The townspeople all blamed each other. First people started throwing rocks. Some threw trash across the creek, knowing full-well that no one would pick it up because responsibility might as well be a four letter word.
The news anchors on tv only antagonized the situation because that’s really all they know how to do besides smile as they report tragedies. The philosophies became more distinct. Lincoln Park was wrong because they lacked the wisdom to treat every situation stoically…Wyandotte was full of complacent fools that waited around for one hand to wash the next instead of being active in societal change. The high schools stopped playing against one another because of the riots that broke out at the Wyandotte’s Homecoming football game. Lincoln Park residents were throwing Molotov cocktails at the cars passing on Eureka. Women were raped. Babies were stolen and held for ransom. Grown men beat up old ladies. It was chaos.
The government tried stepping in, but who really listens to the government? Wyandotte’s residents had a philosophy older than the moon and Lincoln Park’s residents were so anti-establishment that only Anarchy Punk bands could understand them. It was like elderly sages fighting the newly enlightened parents. Everyone thought they were right because they had some fantastic perspective on Life.
One day, there was a gang of Lincoln Park kids that dressed up like Wyandotte kids. It sickened them to wear blue and gold, but their purpose made it ok. They were pissed because Bishop Park’s rails along the strait were always covered in bird shit. Lincoln Parkers were so indignant when it came to rails…Wyandotters thought it was fine to feed the seagulls. That day, the LP kids each brought a bb gun…the ones with CO2 cartridges….and shot every bird, dog, cat, etc. that they came across. Many birds fell into the strait and died. Lots of the pets had to be taken to the vet. It was one of those things that really got to Wyandotters because only a sage can really appreciate nature. Lincoln Park residents had no clue what nature was. It’s so dense with houses that the creek is the only ‘nature’ left. With that stigmatized by the war, they (according to Wyandotte residents) were bereft of dignity.
The towns even fought over what to call the strait. Many maps call it the Detroit River. Only the aged Wyandotte residents had called it the strait, but after the war broke out…it was part of the Wyandotte philosophy. Another part of the ideology was that Lincoln Park was actually the ghetto. The creek was this terrible, disgusting thing that connected Lincoln Park with River Rouge…and everyone knows that Rouge is a decrepit ghetto that should be leveled when they level Detroit.
It became class warfare. Wyandotte was full of management types. Lincoln Park was full of the lowly, blue collared workers. Wyandotte girls were thinner, prettier, had better clothes. Lincoln Park girls all listened to Hip Hop, were skanky sluts, and didn’t know how to read. After so long, they put a wall up around Wyandotte. You couldn’t get in unless you were a resident or if you had a day-pass. Lincoln Park residents weren’t allowed to obtain a day-pass. Wyandotte residents didn’t want to go to Lincoln Park at all. I mean: There’s nothing of any importance in LP that isn’t in Southgate or Trenton.
Public civility was somewhat maintained. Alliances were formed between towns. Lincoln Park had Taylor, River Rouge, and Melvindale on their side. Wyandotte had Trenton, Riverview, and Allen Park. Southgate was a neutral city, but that’s because Southgate is kinda nice and kinda trashy. There was a military presence there so both Wyandotte and Lincoln Park residents could shop along Eureka.
The bridge’s reconstruction took years. Many attempts were thwarted. A few construction workers were killed by radicals that didn’t want to give up on differences and accept peace. They were arrested. When they were questioned, they said that they learned how to hold grudges from the US government. It’s not surprising…US politicians stigmatize basically every foreign nation. Tv comedians have almost nothing nice to say about France, the Middle-East, and Asian car companies. Seriously, the only populated continent that doesn’t get ridiculed by the US media is Africa.
At some point, the work area for the bridge was entirely quarantined off. It had a Kevlar dome built around it and supplies were airlifted in. The bridge was constructed and was open to the public on a Tuesday afternoon. The military didn’t know what to expect. They didn’t know if they should reintroduce the rivals…like how one can take two puppies that never met, grab them by the scruff of their necks, make them kinda sniff/meet each other, and then pull them away…only then letting them go to meet each other on their own terms. Most outsiders were terribly concerned. The residents emerged from their houses and rubbed their eyes. Each peered at the bridge. It looked nice.  Both cities agreed that the dome was an eyesore.
Like decaying zombies, the residents of each town convened at the bridge. 2 children around the age of 4 were the first to meet. They both said hello. Instantaneously, all was forgotten. Some said it was like those moments when you see a shadowy figure in the dark…you clench a fist ready to strike, and then your brother opens the refrigerator door and you have that moment of insight… “Oh, it’s just you!” You stand there relieved that it wasn’t a criminal…just some random person that meant you no harm.
Public apologies were given. Store owners started cleaning up the tiny bit of litter making the towns look like shit. The schools faced on another in sports games. Teens were allowed to inter-city date. They had a big barbeque along the creek. They all realized that hate is fucking stupid and any sort of mistreatment and stereotyping is a form of hatred. It didn’t work on the world-scale tho. Politicians kept stigmatizing other nations and other nations kept on  hating the USA. No one really learned from the Wyandotte/Lincoln Park war. Not even the residents. After a few years, they all forgot about it. Each started to think that their philosophies were better. But, the bridge stands, so they can’t help but coexist. Maybe if there was a bridge from the USA to France and then to Iraq and then to China then to Japan and then back to the US…maybe something obvious would connect us all.
As for Stephen…he succumbed to alcoholism. He kinda disappeared sometime during the war and his body washed up on the banks of Lake Superior one August day. Witnesses reported seeing him a few nights before wasted at some bar. The autopsy reported that his blood alcohol level was thru the roof. Some people just can’t grasp sobriety after alcoholism works its way into them. It’s sad, but what can you do? Make alcohol completely prohibited? The 2am to 7am prohibition is bad enough. It surely doesn’t take 3rd shift workers into consideration…but we don’t have a government that has a 3rd shift here in the USA.
Sometimes I go to the creek and sit for hours waiting to see that mermaid.  I wonder if she was truly ugly or if Stephen just said she was cuz he had a weird taste in women. Lots of people find it hard to listen to people smarter than them. Intellectual advice often comes off as pedantic or way too matter-of-factly. I’m sure it’s something we, as a species, will one day find a way to circumvent. All too often we must speak in metaphors and riddles to get a point across. Other times the words we use aren’t in a common enough vernacular. We all know what language barriers can do to understanding and compassion.

The End