Lust (Chapter1)

Chapter 1

“The magic of first love is our ignorance that can never end”



September 1, Evaline Christine

Lust is defined as something that is intensely craved. It is a sin stated by the old. Lust is easily confused with love. Can we separate the difference of the two? Sometimes it may seem hard. Can we lust for someone who we might never meet? Maybe that person is too unrealistic to be considered human. I think we can find that person, but we, ourselves, will have define it as love or our own lust for love. I’ve seen my share of relationships in the past 3 years of high school. Most of them of the lust of love in the end. This small Wisconsin town has done wonders on everyone who inhabits here. This summer was my own experience for the lust of love. Sadly along with it evolved lust of hurt. I am not unaware of hurt at the time, I had got it from my father through minor beatings. I know things better the hurt and lust, I know of friendship, at least what I have left of my friends. Evaline, you can do this… or not.



I slammed my old leather bound journal. The binding started to come undone, the poor composition. My court mandated therapist had me start a journal. She said it would help me understand how I feel. You have one bad break up with a big star football player, and they mark you crazy when you take a stand against them.



I stuffed it under my mattress and look at the clock. Five o’ clock and I still haven’t slept a wink. I know I won’t concentrate today very well.

The shower turned cold by the time I was done, my long all black extension hair curled just perfectly for me today. I looked at my petite caramel brown body. Scars all over my body were awkwardly covered with a plain black tank top, sweatshirt, and skinny jeans. The stories my body holds.

Seven o’clock, I’m late to meet Raven in the student parking lot. I got my keys and left the house quietly before anyone got up. My good old car was good for taking my where I needed to go and that is good enough for me. I turned on the 2000 Chevy neon and speed to Marshfield High or what I like to call it prison.



I arrived in the empty lot, my friend, Raven was already there in her red buggy. She and I have been friends since third grade and to tell the truth she was my first best friend. She is a pretty paled skinned girl with a kick ass attitude. She is my role model, and I love her like a sister.

She walked up to my car wearing her usual punk rock look, a skull t shirt and a simple pair of black skinny jeans. Her hair is usually some bold color, but today just a simple black dye.

         “Evaline, you are late!” she took a quick look at me, “You okay, you don’t look too well.”

         “I’m fine…” I lied, and she knew it.

         She gave me the tell-me-now look.

         “Nothing, Raven.”

         “You sure,” she stared me to death.

         “It just that everyone will for sure be treating me like a freak for what happened this summer. I’m surprised no one burnt a cross on my lawn.”

         She motioned me to walk with her to the doors. “You need to get over Randy, and I know you’re strong enough to grow out of your delusions. You need something or one to do just that. I know just the guy,” she started to think to herself as we stopped, “Rick, he is a good kid, and I like him.”

         “We tried that remember in middle school,” I countered, “He is only a friend, now.” Bolt dodged. I ran for cover towards the doors, but Raven was in tow.

         “How about Mitch?” she blurted.

Now she was pulling a straws. I was about to give Raven another excuse until someone caught my eye. He was sitting on the bench by the doors looking at a school map. He had to new because I had never seen him before, and the fact he was looking at a map. Everyone knew the high school layout by the time they were in eighth grade.

He was beautiful like movie star beautiful. He had slick-back black hair which was clearly dyed. He looked sickly pale, but he had a certain pink glow to him. He wore an AC/DC shirt and baggy skinny jeans. He looked oddly familiar for some reason. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I have seen him somewhere before. Raven yanked me over the opposing bench.

         “Okay, I know you saw that guy. He looks totally cute, you should go talk to him,” Raven pestered.

         “He would never go for me,” I joked.

I looked back over at him in curiosity. What is this pull I feel? After a couple minutes of me staring at him, he finally looked up. Oh my god his eyes, those eyes of summery green pierced my soul. I nervously look away.

         “Here he comes,” Raven said overly excited.

He is right in front of me towering about 6 feet. Raven punched me in the arm. I wanted to say something to him. My mouth moved, but nothing came out.

         “Hi, my name is Alexander Lust. Where is the office? This school layout has changed since I was here last,” he explained.

         Another nudge from Raven, “Um,” busted from my mouth.

         “Evaline here can take you. I have to wait for someone who is very late. Your welcome.” She seemed to say to both of us and walked off to greet a friend.

Who did she have to meet? It looked like a new guy too, but he was shrouded in a hooded sweatshirt. I returned back to the stranger in front of me.

         “Well then follow me,” I quickly said.



We walked down the uncrowded halls and reached the main office. I quickly turned away from involving myself in more awkward silence we had during the walk to the office.

         “Evaline wait,” his voice stopped me in my tracks. I turned to him, and a smile crept on his angelic face, “I know where the office was, I just wanted a reason to talk to you.”

         I blushed, he wanted to talk to me.

         “Yea I wanted to talk to you. I mean, you’re really pretty… oh wait, you have a boyfriend.”

         I smiled, “Actually I don’t, but I’m not really ready for a relationship right now.” Now why did I say that?

         “That is a relief,” he sighed.

         “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

         He wiggled his eye brows, “Is that a crime?”

         “No, it’s too quick, it’s almost unbelievable. I mean I don’t know you at all. We can be friends first, you know.” Now I just hate myself.

         “Stuck at friend base, I see. I can be your friend. We can share secrets and talk about boys.”

We laughed and started to the commons area. A bunch of people hang out here in the morning to talk and exchange salvia. Actually not really but with some of the couples here I’m surprised it doesn’t. Tables carefully lined up for the later use of it as a cafeteria. We sat at the last table and the silence got the best of our conversation.

“You probably liked him a lot to have dated him.” he said unexpectedly.

“That is an uncomfortable topic, and I don’t want to relive that night to a complete stranger,” I answered rudely.

“What is his name?”

“Why so you can beat him up?”

“No, I was just wondering.”

“Randy Gowen… he is the quarter back.”

There was a bunch of laugher ringing from the other table. A couple students enjoying live, or laughing about how much of a freak I am for even talking to a guy like him. I, on the other hand, trying not to relay what happened between me and Randy.

“What did he do?” he seemed pissed.

“You are persistent aren’t you? My past love life is bad, that is all. I was only with him because I felt in my heart a need of someone there for me.”

“Eva, what did he do?”

He made me look into his bright hazel eyes. God, they were gorgeous. I got a weird urge to tell him what happened even though I didn’t want to.

“He cheated on me. When I confronted him, he called me a selfish bitch. He… he hit me. I recovered and then… then I.”

I stopped there gaining control of my emotions. Though I did explain how Randy treated like dirt afterwards and had everyone join in on his torture. He didn’t say anything in between, he only kept staring at me intended. After I was finished, I pull my legs up and put my face in between them. The pouring sadness washed over me. I had put my defense up somehow by not looking directly at him.

“I’m sorry for bringing it up,” he stirred a bit.

“It’s okay, but I never thought I would tell anyone else except Raven. I mean never especially to a complete stranger.” I said wiping my tears.

Surprisingly out of nowhere, he hugged me. Unconsciously, I hugged him back. His body felt familiar to me, I felt at peace. The ball rang breaking that solitude. I grasped my bag by the handle trying to hide my shame. His hand stopped just short of my wrist. 

“I should walk you to class,” Alex offered.

“No, you don’t want to be branded a freak on your first day.”

“I don’t mind, I’m a freak in my own way already.”

“It is over on the other side of school, I don’t you going out of your way.”

“My class is on the other side also,” he said delighted.

He displayed his arm, and I took it. For the first time in a while, I felt happy.



True to his word, he walked me arm in arm to my classroom which was right next to his. Everyone whispered as I walked in.

         ‘There’s the freak.’

         ‘Someone walked her to class.’

         ‘It was that cute new guy. A couple of freaks if you ask me.’

Curse my good owl hearing ability. I wish I couldn’t hear them. Every mean word that left their mouth hurt me even more. I gingerly sat down by Victoria. She was a red head rocker child who was obsessed with All Time Low. Her clothes always consisted of band merch and skinny jeans. She was the kindest hearted person I knew.

“So… Raven told me. It is about time you got over jockass,”

“It’s jackass, Tori. He was sweet, but I told him we should just be friends. Stupid me huh?”

She laughed, “All in good time, at least that is what my gold digging mama says. You will get over Randy for sure.”

Again with the assumptions that I never got over Randy. Truthfully, I was well over him. The fact was I was not over the torture leering afterwards. Victoria is just another friend looking out for me.

“Would you shut up, you puppy dogs.” Wanta Steelsburg, my arch rival, sneered.

“Wanta is an evil blond she-witch.” Tori whispered.

Me and anyone associated with me is called the puppy dogs because apparently we are followers. Randy is a cause of that. According to his side of the story, I was too clingy and attached, so he dumped me. What a pathetic way to hide your guilt. Thankfully, before anyone continued on the conversation the teacher walked in. After the second bell rang, the started the rules, regulations, and restrictions. I blanked out and thought of how sweet Alex had been. His hug was full of warmth, yet I got a chill from it. Maybe this is true love building. Drifting though my thoughts and the bell rang which made me jump from my seat.

“What a bore, huh,” Victoria yawned.

I nodded in agreement even though I didn’t pay attention to anything he said.

We walked out, and Alex stood there. Victoria obviously saw him and gave me a reassuring look.

“I catch up with you later, Eva.” Victoria said winking.

I smiled at Alex, “You waited for me?”

“I had to make sure you were okay,” he seemed concerned.

“Thanks you a good ‘friend’,” I said with emphasis on the friend part.

“I got gym next, the legal torture for the young.”

“Me too, I completely agree with the torture part. Gym sucks.”

We hysterically laughed, and I won’t stop even if Wanta were to tell us to shut up. She couldn’t ruin my first day of Alexander Lust.