Caught and Still Pleading

Caught and Still Pleading

         The saga of my Dad's rapid decline came to me from Massachusetts from my adult siblings. They were all convinced that he needed to be at home with Mom. My mom told me her side of the story. Dad had a disease called Alzheimer's and she was unable to take care of him. Both my sisters in the nursing profession said that his heart and diabetes were what was causing him to go downhill. As far as they are concerned it has nothing to do with Alzheimer's. I find myself on the phone and ask him about how he is doing.

I'm doin ok. got a bunch of nurses and doctors takin care me.

I'm planning to come out and see ya

Don't do that, I'm okay. I got it taken care of here, you take care of people in your neck of da woods.

I will be okay dad I have heard from others in the family who worried about you. I want to be there for you.

         After consulting with my wife, the decision was made to leave Kansas for Massachusetts. I was determined to see him alive, rather than wait until he was dead. My oldest child Michael had just got his license, so that make it easier to get there and back. I took the wheel for the first part the twenty four trek. I was anxious about not getting there in time, and got us there on sheer willpower.
         When I arrived at Mom's the family was in its usual disarray. The younger half of the siblings were behind Mom in her insistence that Dad could not be taken care of at home even if he was dying. The other four of us which included me were insistent that he die in a familiar place, rather than in a hospital or nursing home. My wife Cindy was able to help both sides air their grievances rather than fight to prove their point. I had a hard time believing he had Alzheimer's. Wasn't it more progressive? This news seemed to come out of the blue. I called to talk to Dad's doctor about it, but Mom had blocked inquiry into the matter. The hospital just a few miles from Mom's house, so I went with my family to see how he was doing.

We walk into Dad's hospital room. He looks over at us people from Kansas with a half smile.
Hey what are you doing here?

We came to see you Dad.
No need for that I'm okay
I was hearing you were kind of roughed up and just wanted you to know we care

         Other family members came and saw Dad as the day progressed. He had congestive heart failure and his diabetes was making it hard for him to heal. The doctor in charge said he was dwindling. He had all but lost his will to live. The only I remember was him turning his hands as if he was in the factory trying to take care of something. The doctor needed a decision from the family about whether we wanted Dad's right leg amputated. Mom said there was no way she was going to be responsible for Dad dying. All the rest of my siblings were not going to make the decision either for similar reasons. Dad could not make a decision, because he was not considered competent enough to do this.

They looked at me to make the decision flanked by my sisters who were nurses. We would be meeting with the doctor and a few of his nurses in a conference room.

It's good to see you all what have you decided?
Kim let her anger be felt.
"We are just not happy at all with the way this has been handled, when he first got in the hospital early last year they messed up with...
Lori, the oldest sister shares her own rant.
"I have been a nurse for a number of years know and I know the procedures that need to be followed and it just wasn't done right...."(there was so much medical jargon I could not process it all)
The hospital nurse decided offer her viewpoint.
"You're a nurse Lori and this is a family member, what'd they tell you about this in nurse's school? (Lori was visibly upset with tears in her eyes.
I am the one the family has chosen to make the decision about whether to perform the amputation.

"Your Dad is dwindling and going fast. Amputating the leg might buy you some time. I can not guarantee that he will survive the surgery.
I am deciding that this is what we need to do. Otherwise he will die and we would have done nothing to stop that.

         Dad got his leg amputated. I believe we did the best we could with the information given to us. Finally the whole family bonded in the waiting room as we waited to hear how the surgery went. Dad made it through surgery with flying colors. He got a second wind and enjoyed the remaining time he had with family. Meanwhile, I was headed back to Kansas to resume pastoring Family were glad for the quality time they had with him. Dad had already told me after the surgery that he was dying and was okay with it. All I could do is wait!