why

Today I sit and wonder why do I always tend to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? I started dating again almost a year ago, at first I was terrified that I wouldn't find someone I liked enough to be with. I now find that I am terrified because I can't decide on what is going to happen tomorrow. He is a wonderful man who I have grown to care about very much hell I know in my heart that I am in love with the dork. Not something I want to feel now or really ever.
At the start it was fun. A text here and there a weekly phone call. A date each Saturday we both had off. He didn't seem to mind that I had two daughters and I didn't mind that he had three kids of his own, in fact I was glad he had them. It made things feel safe, it made me feel like he would always understand if I had to cancel a date because my kids were sick or being bad or I couldn't find a babysitter. With the both of us having kids it gave us a topic to talk about everyday. It was an amazing feeling to know we would always have something to talk about. That part thankfully is still there.
Eight months have now gone by, and though I still know I am in love with the man things are changing and not in a way they ought to be. Suddenly everything is more important than I am. He has canceled on dates because of a UFC fight, because of an issue over nine hundred miles away that no matter what anyone did or said he was not going to be able to resolve. He has always canceled a date because of his job, which I have always understood. I stopped understanding when he would be sitting on my couch telling me all day that he would be staying the night with me, and then tell me right before dinner that he was going to go home to watch a television show. It leaves me asking the question why do I care so much about someone that does not care enough about me to tell me he doesn't want to spend time in my life.
Age old questions are left in a girls mind. Sometimes they get answered and other times they sit on the tip of our tongues left only for our mind to try to figure out. As of right now I give up and will let go of any feeling I have for this man.