600-lb Streetwalker

I saw Albert for the first time the other day. We were on Mainstreet. He had been standing there for 15 minutes and his shirt was already soaking with sweat. This guy was huge, his pants were tight, and you could see each and every roll- I didn’t know what was his belly and what started his legs. His jellyrolls overlapped one another, making his stomach look like a disfigured face with two lopsided breasts. Honestly, it reminded me of throwing pebbles in the water- the wave of fat rippled with even the slightest movement. As he wobbled down Mainstreet on his failed attempt at getting laid, he started choking on his saliva. I didn’t know if I should walk away or help, but if I tried, how would perform the Heimlich maneuver? Short arms wouldn’t work, and even if they did, I was afraid that his bulging waist would swallow me whole. His pleading eyes looked at me intensely, I sighed and walked towards him. Once I reached his corner, he collapsed in front of me. While trying to think of what to do, the jello- like blob continued to shake and quiver harshly. And then it hit me… I did the only thing I could think of. I rolled him to hospital hoping they made big enough beds.