Originally a journal entry, kept private for a year or so. |
Have you ever felt a surge of something almost profound, filling every cell of your being, 'till you've felt as if you're going to burst, spilling it all around yourself? I have. Night was quiet and clear and cold, and no-one was there on the streets. I have felt it enter me, take me slowly, carefully, like a cautious lover, afraid it would cause me pain. I let it possess me and i have let go of everything that was holding me back at any point of my life, even things i thought forgotten and left behind long ago. I let it all go, and danced like a wild gypsy, arms flailing, howling at the moon and laughing. It was an awful laugh, for with it came out fear and pain and poison of years left behind but never forgotten. I let the wrath and anger and pain take me so that i could digest and vomit it, lose it all in an act of selfless destruction. I climbed the highest point of starlight and when i could no longer hold on - i let myself fall. And there, upon the cold ground, in the pool of my own blood i made love to my soul, sinking my teeth deep into it's shoulder just so i would not cry out and wake up from this dream. I thought it would never end, those sweet convulsions of passion, when i finally tore myself apart, gorging on my flesh like an animal, lapping up every drop of blood, scraping the bones with my teeth and nails. The moon shone down in sorrow and wept at the sight of such an atrocity, but what did i care. I was whole again, despite the fact that pieces of me were spread everywhere. The storm died out as fast as it had started. Have you ever let go? |