An Unromantic Valentine

I’ll never bring you flowers
I’d prick myself upon the thorns.
I’ll never dance in desert showers
I find the rain forlorn. 
I’ll never promise to be perfect
For my promises are lies.
I’ll be a man of many things
But I’ll never be that guy.

I’ll never give you up or let you down
No, wait, that’s Rick Astley’s line.
I’ll never have that much renown
If I scratched my words for all of time.

I’ll never sweep you off your feet
Because I’m not that spry.
I’ll be a man of many things
But I’ll never be that guy.

You won’t have diamonds to wear,
and I’ll never sing you love songs.
The price of jewelry is just unfair
and I’d only get the lyrics wrong.
I’ll never say just what I mean
Because maybe I’m too shy.
I’ll be a man of many things
But I’ll never be that guy.

I’ll always keep you company
Through every boring thing you do.
I’ll be amazed, but it’s uncanny
That boring things are fun with you.
I’ll always take you anywhere
Even if I get lost along the way.
I’ll tell you secrets I wouldn’t dare
Before anyone else betray.
I’ll always let you be yourself
Without ever asking why.
For all the things that I am not
I know that I will try.