The Gassiest Girl I Ever Knowed

Eunice was the gassiest girl I ever knew and/or dated. Bless her heart, she could barely see and that was her good eye. You know what they say; when you lose one

sense another sense gets stronger. All that extra strength went to hear hearing.

Why we'd be at the local ballpark her hearing was so keen as soon as the ball

hit the bat she knew it was a homerun. Of course I would have to tell her when our

team was at bat. But, when the ball did hit the bat and she knew our team had hit

the homerun it would make her need to fart. She would hold it just for me, though.

Times were hard at her house and sometimes there would be nothing around but

boiled eggs and chili. Her mama kept nothing to drink but Lone Star beer so she

had two choices and that was beer or water. She chose beer on gameday.

That girl could clear out a whole section of patrons when she let em' rip and

I do not speak with forked tongue on that matter. I hated not to take her anywhere

cause that would be cruel.

We would always make a pact for her to hold all farts until I got up to go to the bathroom or concession stand. As far as concessions go she could not have any-

thing with chili on it and I would buy her sodas cause she hardly ever got them at

home. I would come back from the bathroom or the concession stand and nobody

would be in our section but Eunice. Seems Eunice had let loose another barage

of farts. I would usually get up about three times during the game. Need I say more.