Week 3 - Vignette

Main annoyance right now is avoiding excessive pronoun/Name usage, examples/suggestions on how to do this would be greatly appreciated.

Tris Character Sketch  
"PE #1 for EWW" 

Donieal sat hunched in his desk chair; hands cradling his head. His lengthening dark hair cascaded around the gaps of his fingers. He needed a hair cut badly. Nearly scoffing aloud at the foolish stray thought, Don sighed wearily instead and leaned back into the seat. Gazing out the clear windows the pale blue-red hue of dawn began to creep over the horizon. How long had he been sitting there? Commiserating over an action that could not be taken back; a tale that would never be erased from the book of his life. A memory thief, that's what he was. No, worse than that, a soul stealer. Surely our memories were connected to our spirit somehow. They were an intangible part of us, thoughts dwelled in the mind. One simply couldn't beat a thought to death, or cut it off like a limb; but he could.

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Go away," Donieal mumbled. The knocking became more persistent. Ignoring it, Don began to wonder how long he could stay in his room and avoid the others. When he finally did decide to go out he'd probably go through the window, avoid seeing them all together. It wasn't until a faint breeze whispered past and tickled his cheek that he realized the knocking had stopped. This was no ordinary wind, it was coming from the door, not the window. Squinting at the oak fixture the steady current could be seen flowing through the keyhole. With it came a dry voice tinged with annoyance.

"If you won't open the door than I'll just have to talk through it." Spoke Tris' wind.

"You don't have to, you could just leave me be. You have no idea what it's like to...." Don's voice caught in his throat. Not trusting his frail nerves not to shatter he left the sentence unfinished.

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There were a few moments of silence while Tris thought on what he said, or didn't say, and how best to phrase her response. He knew she knew what it was like to kill a man, but Don didn't have any blood on his hands. His guilt and personal tragedy all lay within his mind. She wanted to blow his door down and shake him. The silly noble was acting little better than a kid whining over a scratch when those around him had been maimed and learned to move on without the limbs lost over time. It simply wouldn't do to berate him though, Tris knew his kind needed to be handled with kid gloves. At least until he had been exposed to the real world for longer. It wasn't his fault he grew up so sheltered, only recently bearing the weight of such afflictions. He would learn. Until then she would stick to small talk, parables. Everyone loved a good story.

"I ever tell you about the time I killed a fleet of pirates? I was twelve." Tris heard the air still in the other room. She was sure he was holding his breath, though from shock or interest she wasn't sure which. Perhaps that wasn't the best opening for 'small talk', she was rusty on this coddling business. "I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say I didn't take the time to consider the backlash of my actions. I was scared. I protected my home, my friends, my people. It wasn't until I had to see the effects of my destruction up close that I began to understand. After I saw the extent of the physical scars the mental ones started to develop. That was almost 10 years ago and I can still hear the screams, smell the burns." Tris' voice had lowered so much by the end Don had a hard time hearing her even with the wind amplification.

"You were young Tris," came Donieals soothing voice. "Little more than a babe. It would have been expected for you to react so frightfully. I am a man, or nearly so. It's different."

"Is it?" He could hear the arch in her voice and was sure she wore a skeptical gaze at the moment. "After the event everyone tried to reassure me. Rosethorn, Briar's plant mage teacher, said 'pruning is necessary to a healthy plants growth'. According to her I merely pruned those pirates from the tree that is life. Frostpine, Daja's metal mage teacher, was much simpler in his response, he simply said 'you do what you must to survive, whether it’s building a fire to stay warm or using that fire to burn your enemies'. Niko gave a more academic response: "Not all lessons can be learned in books Trisana, and not all lessons are pleasant." Don felt the corners of his lips curl in amusement at Tris' mimicking of her teacher's voice. She was nearly perfect at it, he wondered if she could magic the sound of her voice beyond making it louder. "Sandry's teacher Lark gave the best advice though." Don's head jerked up, slightly more attentive. The slender brown skinned woman of Discipline Cottage was a gentle soul whom he liked very much. He didn't want to imagine her harming others. He definitely didn't want her to know what he had done to the spy.

"Being a stitch witch," Tris continued, "I expected her to say something like: 'Some knots need to be unraveled’ or 'Loose seams destroy clothing’. But when I went to her, silently stricken with my past, she meerly looked at me, placed her arm on my shoulder and said; "Sometimes necessity begets tragedy'. Then went right back to her weaving."Tris shook her head "Startlingly simple really. It took me a few months to really understand the power of her words. There's not always going to be a clean way out Don. The quicker you come to peace with that, the better." Silence rang from the other room. Tris heaved a heavy inward sigh.

"I'm going out for a while. If Briar or Daja asks about me tell them I'll be back in time for midday." Don listened as the tread of the merchant girls slippers diminished, taking the wind with it.

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"Week Four Assignment - EWW" 

Checklist: Use this checklist to be sure you have included all of the vital aspects:
Have you introduced a new supporting character and created a Character Sketch Profile/Prose Synopsis?
What is your dramatic premise?
What are your themes?
What evidences the premise and themes?
Are these a premise and themes you feel passionately about? Why?
What are the values and traits that define the CC's character?
Are these emotionally charged?
Are they dramatic?
Is the story generating emotion, tension and heat?
Is the reader or audience getting a sense for where the story is heading? How?
Are you foreshadowing the crisises that loom on the horizon?
Are the reader and audience beginning to see change in the CC?
Have you linked your Character Sketch Profile/Prose Synopsis item to your vignette item?