A letter to her future lover |
She will never admit how she has married you partly out of love, and partly in hopes you could ease that dark, frightful tunnel out of her and free her, finally. But it will show, now and again in the near future, and you might one day feel tired of her and her complicated nature. You might even feel disgusted with her, convinced you are better off without such a vile and needy creature. You will then prepare, either sorrowfully or not, to leave her. When that day comes, I hope you understand that her intense possessiveness is only but a product of her deep-set loneliness ā partly hers to blame, partly of the circumstances she has involuntarily found herself in, in various stages of her life. Once bound by that sacred ritual we call marriage, she will want herself to be the only one privy to the very core of your being. She will want to own you, and you, to own her. She will want your thoughts, your caresses, your head rested on the hollow of her chest as her warm breath grazes the inners of your ears - and most of all, your kind, kind eyes taking in the beauty of her naivete. She will want your lips buried into the deep valleys of her neck, her fragile head nestled in your chest as she sleeps, and yours in her hair as you wake. She will be childlike, exuberant and passionate, yet desperate in the way she begs to be loved - like a stray cat once cherished and now abandoned, who sets her doleful gaze on every passer-by, willing them to pat her, find her a home and free her from her wretched, lonely life. She will fight tirelessly like the warrior she was forced to become, in order to occupy the whole of you and lay claim to this particular territory ā yourself - which she regards as the most precious in the world. But I beg you not to let her fight too much for you to surrender yourself ā she will think you are tired of her, find her a burden, and retreat to her cold walls, never to let you in again. Yet if and when you do give in, I ask you to understand her tireless demands, and to take into account the way she has learnt to only rely on herself, for the simple reason that no one has allowed her to depend on them. So I hope you understand when she wants you to be the father she longs to feel close to, the brother she thought she had, the best friend she had longed for but never managed to grasp, the lover who will never tire of her. In return, she will be loyal. She will remember every single affectionate gaze you have bestowed on her, and every tender touch you have immortalized on her. She will be yours, and only yours. She will make a family for you. She will make you a home. Demand anything from her. She will comply. Finally, if ever you came to love her enough to want her to be happy, I hope you will give her your heart. And your genuine heart, will be enough for her. |