Winter Window Thoughts

anyone else think about things we never had?
and how it would effect us if were of capable of maintaining the things
we know so little about.
I tend to think a little to much about this.
and forget about what I already have.
I plunge into dreamworld complexities
as I believe these places I escape to are simple
Its all just a paradox.

then I disregard the mornings
for the evenings.
Then I stay up through the nights
just to sleep through the days.
what I never figured out
no matter what way you break down the day
you still got to get through the day.

it can rain inside my head
when the weather is gorgeous
It can be sunny and warm inside my mind
when the weather is cold and dark
I am an opposite of easy on the eyes
not because I am unattractive
but because I have way too many attractions

I fall in love with the earth
and the people underneath it
and forget about the people around me.
then they leave and I try to understand why
I want what I cant have
and have what I cant want
where is the simple in my mindset

she came to me with news
I had interest but she spoke too soon
so Left and ran because I knew it was true
I should start running from what I want
and finding what I run from

I let me down.
down into the sea
washing me of all of me
to clear my conscious
and i believe
these cold showers are to alleviate
me from emotions and people who I would die for
yet would simply forget how to live for
its all the irony of ones thought process
form the initial first sign of interest
to the undoing of actions
to the silence of a cold winter day
when you never have everything to say
but not a word comes out of your mouth for the whole day