Today

Today

My faith is enduring a natural disaster, pleading for your hands. It needs to be carried. It needs to be held. But you cradle my faith with your silence while the world lifts me up in the air higher and higher until breathing is impossible to do so. And I am trying to survive here, trying to feel what you want me to feel. Trying to see what you see because it’s not always like this. There are times you have made me feel like a boat sailing without the wind, like a tree ready for new leaves. But today I feel like I am wilting. Today I am the winter that has not yet seen the snow. I need some wind chimes to wake the eardrums of my faith, but more than anything, I need a faith that is scared of dying. Pick me up. Now bury me in your chest, with the dirt of your love, so I can start all over again. I want to be reincarnated. I want to die and when I wake up, I want to be born again with the heart of Jesus. I want to be free. I need to be free, so I can drop these crutches and live in a miracle. You are my nicotine, inhaling me as I inhale you, and you enter the veins of my body rushing in like acid, shoving through like a stampede, but kissing me like a new-born. You enter my blood like you are parting the Red Sea, making your way into all that is me. You are the ground to my pine tree, sustaining my roots, holding me so I won’t lose my balance. And I want to remember this today. Today when I feel like biting the edges of my uneven soul, today when I feel too small to compete with the world because you are here now, the lungs of my breathing faith.