Six Feet Under a Line of Powder

I am trying to grasp
the recent news
that a friend of mine
passed from the concoction
of percocet and booze.
he took his life
from what, why?
was it conscious
or was it an illogical decision

I am scared to death.
I have been there before.
I am 10 names deep in a book
of shadows and memories I once knew
a brand new addition to absent thoughts
and over thinking the nightmares are sure to come back again.
tonight I will relive my fate and his just like all the others before
am I just destined to fall victim to the same shit
cold brittle and broken until we just quit
I have been doing great and feeling lucky
then I realize death is forever at my door
fighting myself and the reaper
from trouble on my mind
to running blind
I am absent minded
no emotion comes to mind
it could of been me.
thats all I can think
repeating. like history
time and time again

I cant break the cycle
just try to dodge it
what a terrible fate
when spontaneously you are no longer here
out cold buried tomorrow
six feet under frozen snow
feeling my cold feet
after I already followed through with tragedy.

this is what I fear.
Its why I am afraid of disappearing
for the love of god
why are these situations
keep springing up
I just want to block it out
and forget i was in the same place
and somehow overcame it for now.