Words of resignation

I've come to the realization, that I didn't love you and never actually did....after talking to you, I felt that connection, and that passion, and a realization, that if I haven't felt before I truly do now that is to say that I love you. It's to late to turn back now, the hands of time do not slow down., I feel like I failed at myself, I cried for help, but my screams weren't answered. I'm not angry, I'm not sad, although maybe just a bit. Its a bittersweet sorrow. I'm not stuck in the past, I can see the present clearly with the future being foggy, I want to follow you till the depths of endless time. I miss you so greatly but you say you've found the one. How lucky of him, and how unlucky of me. You're the one that got away, my one and only true love. I face defeat with as much grace as possible, hoping that one day if fate smiles upon me that I can reclaim your heart, bond with your kindred spirit, and ignite the flame of a romance long ago lost. I know that there is someone out there waiting for me, and I want to keep my head above waters till that person comes around. But the compass in my heart only points towards you, I think it may be damaged, or maybe it was always set to be that way. At times I wonder how it would have been like to have not met you, maybe we would have been happier that way, or maybe I would have been the one to be happy that way, I don't reject the experience, I reject the numbing feeling of love that I have for you, as it is not responded in kind. I ask myself why do I love you so much, but it just seems like our souls bond, like they belong together, I belong to you, or at least thats what my heart says. I'm tired of hoping but I'm not tired of you. The wasted potential of a cursed love so dire. Please let these fires consume me till I turn dust and ash, and maybe my strength will provide me with the will to liberate myself like the phoenix, I want to rise above this as I'm tired of being here, as I lay dying on the ground, and with you nowhere to be found. These words are meant to be for me, although I write them for you, but your eyes are not allowed to see them because I've resigned to silently love, a love that has no reward, just has a heavy price of keeping me alone, hidden in my shell, way deep inside. tick tock tick tock, my body is aging slowly but sure, my mind is withering one bit at a time, my soul is fading with each passing second, so I stay here, in my solitary confinement. I blame myself, I blame myself, I blame myself.