Once Upon a Time...

         Once upon a time, I wanted to be invincible. I remember the tales of great men and women, and I rememer hearing of their heroic deeds. When we were all children we gathered around in a circle with the kindergarten teacher or the librarian telling us stories of the big blue ox or the man who beat the machine. It's funny how much we loved that stuff as kids. I spent half of my life wanting to be superman, or spiderman, or the green lantern.

         To run accross rooftops fighting against evil doers was my dream. I wanted bullets to bounce off of me like the man of steel himself, and I wanted to shoot lazer beams from my eyes.

         Its funny how we forget about all those things when we age. It feels like the older I get, the more boring I get. It's been a long time since I climbed a tree, or tried to see how far I could jump. I haven't went outside to play cops and robbers, or dodge ball since I was a kid.

         Now I sit in front of a fifty inch screen watching the news, the weather, and football. I don't even wish I could run that fast, or catch a football from down field. I only wish that the Steelers would go all the way this year, and that the rain stays away from my house. I remember spending my days stomping in mud puddles after the rain...

         I sometimes sit in front of the windows watching my nieces and nephews run around kicking the hell out of a little ball and having fun. Its strange that having fun now involves enjoying a sit down with my wife to be and asking her how her day went.

         It's funny how things change. I find myself thinking about my childhood as I write this now. I remember climbing the top of a crab apple tree just to see how far I could go before the branches could no longer hold me up. It did not end so well, but I got up and kept running about. I felt that I was invincible back then, just like the super heroes I dreamed about being.

         I sit down watching the news of our soldiers fighting for something that they may not always understand, but they fight knowing that somewhere perhaps one of their children, or anyone's child has one more night of peaceful sleep. I watch the world through the eyes of the cameraman in Africa, fimling the poor and hungry scrape one more day's worth of food to feed their family. I watch the needy line up for a lunch at the Salvation Army, thinking that one time, things were different or would be.

         I sit down realizing that the heroes of my childhood were make believe. They stood for things that I now see on television. People fighting, people dying, people struggling. It often brings a feeling of guilt to me, that I sit there watching from the safety of my own home. I sit there wishing that I was one of them for a day. How I long to walk in their shoes.

         I don't understand the world at all. I wish I did, but I don't. My world is work, a child on the way, and my girlfriend... soon to be the mother of my child. My world is providing for my family. My world is scraping all that I have together to make sure that they don't have to struggle. I sit here realizing that all that time spent daydreaming was fun, but it's over. I sit here realizing that invincibility is boring. The heroes of my childhood have changed. Instead of capes they wear camoflauge and tattered clothing.

         I wanted to be superman. Now I spend my time wanting to be a father, with an honest living and a few dollars to spare for power wheels and diapers. I realize that people are super men. We are the super heroes. Invincibility makes us forget that we are human, and being human grants us a beauty far beyond leaping over buildings in a single bound. It gives us the world through the eyes of feathers floating on the breeze.

         I realize that death doesn't stop life, it makes it that much more precious. I realize that the struggling, the fighting, and the suffering is all for this precious thing. Those that fight for it are my true heroes, and when they are gone, they will be remembered. A memory is immortal. A memory is invincible. Once upon a time I wanted to be invincible, and then I was. We all were.