Shattered Mirror Revised

I sat at the desk and stared blankly at the screen. My eyes burned from exhaustion and my head throbbed for the same. Sleeping hasn't been easy, especially in a cold and empty bed. My back started to ache from sitting in this chair. Staying late wasn't the best idea but I needed to get caught up with my work. The pay was crap; the work was even worse. I looked up at the clock and my neck started to ache. The ticking of the clock got louder and louder as I sat in this empty office. I needed to get home. Hopefully James would be there for a change.

I started packing up my things and heading for my coat hanging behind the door. I checked my phone first. I don't know whether it was habit or wishful thinking that drove me to check my phone like this; but the end result never changed. It was blank and empty. There were no romantic messages to read over and smile like a goofing idiot. Not anymore. Things seemed to be more and more strained as of late. James seemed more and more distant and unresponsive. It wasn't for lack of trying. I've done almost everything I could think of. From racy lingerie to new kinks in the bedroom. Nothing seems to have pulled him back in. I was losing him; that was for sure.

I slipped on my coat and grabbed up my bag. I had a long trip home and being alone with my thoughts was only going to make things worse. I wanted nothing more than to soak in a warm bath filled to the brim with bubbles. I stepped out in to the cold night air. The sidewalks were pretty empty. I pulled my jacket closed tighter around me and walked as quickly as I could to the train station. I kept my head down as I walked and rushed down the stairs. I came to the bottom of the stairs and saw the train pulling in to the station. I rummaged through my bag as fast as I could before it spilled out in the floor. All of my belongings scattered outward. I picked everything up as fast as I could, hoping to find my metro card. I shoved everything in my bag as I picked it up. My metro card wasn't anywhere I could see. I stuck my hand in the bag again and felt a sharp pain shoot up my ring finger and ripple through out my hand. I pulled my hand out of the bag and squeezed my finger. A bead of blood welled up from the tip of my finger. I heard the bell of the train and watched as the doors slowly closed in front of me. I sighed and slumped against the empty booth. I reached in to my coat pockets and found my metro card sitting inside. I swiped my metro card and slipped through the turnstile. It would be a while before the next train showed up. I took my phone out and stared at the screen. Still nothing. I wasn't surprised now. I stood there on the silent platform and waited.

The train finally roared in to the station. I waited for the doors to open and stepped inside. I saw a couple of empty seats at the end. I made my way over to them and got as comfortable as I could. I sat there and tried to keep my eyes open but the swaying of the car rocked me to sleep almost instantly.

I woke up to the gargled sound of the PA system announcing the next stop. I stood up and waited by the door. I looked in to the window of the door and saw my reflection staring back at me. We pulled in to the station and the doors opened. I stepped out on to the platform and the cold wind hit me like a slap in the face. I pulled my coat around me tighter to shield myself from the cold.

I walked as fast as I could down the stairs and down the empty streets. I came to the front of my apartment building. I reached in my pocket for my keys. I slid the key into the hole and turned the lock. I hoped against hope that James would be home this time. I wanted nothing more than to go back to when we first moved in with each other. It was all new and romantic. We used to eat romantic dinners by candle, cuddle up with a good movie. Now he was barely ever home when I got in. If he was; he was fast asleep.

I climbed the stairs all the way up to my door. I listened inside and heard the still quiet. No sound came from inside. I slid the key into its hole and opened my apartment door. I was greeted by darkness and stillness. There was no one here. I flicked on the light and looked around. The mail sat on the counter in a small pile. I picked up the pile and started shifting through each envelope as I slipped out of my coat. I stopped when I saw a white envelope with my name written across the center. It wasn't through the mail, there was no postage stamped on it. It wasn't even sealed. I placed my bag on the counter and opened the letter.

I read it over with trembling hands. My heart raced as I recognized James' hand writing on the page. I read his words over and over but they didn't seem to make any sense. I folded the paper and headed for my bedroom. I threw open the closet door and saw it was half empty. His clothes were all gone. I pulled open all the drawers of the dresser to find that all of his belongings were gone. I slumped down on the bed and looked down at the letter. The words were starting to make sense now. I forgot all about my exhaustion. His words repeated over and over in my head. There was someone else. I felt numb. An emptiness swallowed me as I sat there. I looked over at my Vanity table. I dropped the letter on the bed and changed out of my work clothes. I moved like a zombie. The words of the letter repeating over in my head. I sat at the Vanity and looked in the mirror. I couldn't recognize the face staring back at me from it's cold surface. I looked over the pictures on the wall hanging around it in a grim silence. The face captured then was full of life and exuberance. Her smile was radiant and her eyes were bright with the innocence of her youthful age. The torments that awaited her would dim that light if not extinguish it all together. It was hard to believe that so much time has passed since those pictures were taken.

I looked back at the mirror and sighed. The face staring back at me was a pale imposter. It was hard to accept the face. The eyes were tired and listless. They stared back at me with an emptiness and sorrow to be pitied. The skin no longer held it's natural glow. Now it was pale and dull. The smile that once held a resonating radiance was long gone. My hair held all of it's length but none of it's shine or body. It hung there, limp and lifeless around my shoulders. It was once the color of the sun and shined just as bright. Now it was just a dull yellow with streaks of gray. A cruel reminder of the passing years. I sat there and wondered; where had the time gone? When did all of this happen? Was it over night? Did the passage of time cause this and I just didn't notice? Was there any chance to go back? It seemed to be a hopeless plight. I had already gone this long. Long hours of work. Sleep passing me by night by night. Heart break wearing down the strengths I had left. What was left?

My dull eyes welled up and the tears started to fall. I stared at my reflection through the tears and felt the sudden surge of the rage explode inside of me. I clenched my shaking fists at my sides until I couldn't control it any longer. I slammed the mirror's cold surface over and over. Each slam of my fists drove the cracks out further; forming jagged webs over it. All the while I screamed as loud as I could. My voice was shrill and piercing but I couldn't hear anything past the cracking of the glass. I screamed until my throat was sore and tight.

I finally stopped. The blood flowed from my hand and dripped over the wooden top. I breathed heavily, my heart raced in my chest. The rage slowly subsided. I looked up at the mirror and the face was still staring back at me. This time it was red and streaked with tears. The mirror was shattered but the reflection never changed. It stared back at me through the shattered mirror.