It's Painful...

It's Painful...

It’s painful…
But not too painful;
More like a headache that you’ve had all day and finally got used to.
And it’s frustrating, too.
Like a cliffhanger ending when the sequel won’t be released for another year.
A bug bite that you can’t reach,
A vague text message,
The last of the milk when you’re out of grocery money.

I wish I could explain it,
Put it into words,
Make sense of it.
I wish that I could stop it,
Or at least try.
I wish a lot of things,
Want a lot of things,
Hope for a lot of things.
But wishes don’t come true just because you wish they would.
Airplanes will never be shooting stars.

Desire isn’t always a white hot flame.
Sometimes it’s a dull ember,
Just barely hot enough to be considered fire.
And sometimes it’s nothing more than ashes,
Soot that stains your hands and never washes off.
But there’s something inexplicably painful about staring at your dirtied hands
Day after day, wondering what happened to the fire
And how you can rekindle it again.

That determination you once cherished
Now lies dormant just below the surface.
And it’s causing you pain and frustration;
Not with its existence, but with its inaccessibility.
It’s painful….