Brittle.

Brittle.


She clutches onto her already stomach, swollen with the guilt. If she could she would mend this, she knows what she could do yet she remains clutching, tightly grasping, not entirely gutless, however much too wise to know how precious God’s gift of life is to wreck it all, ruin it by hiding beneath a thin layer of flesh and a pile of young, frail bones at her innocent age. She knew that would be selfish!

No she couldn’t…ever! She would never take the quick path for she was too caring to do so, she carry on doing what she already had achieved and then simply she would just stop! Her family had warned her she had gone too far already…yet she knew when she was happy…she never truly was.

The once considered podgy flesh had thinned to her hips and waist, not skeletal-like merely, simply, certainly just healthy and she was pleased so yet she couldn’t bear to think to go back to how it used to be, although happy overall, there would always seem to be the same, dark, harsh sense of punishment that would return when she least expected it to and for this she was like a hawk, constantly watching…waiting…always.

Her healthy, sometimes curvaceous body was still unpleasant to see in her long rectangular mirror, the muscles grew at any minor exercise, her thighs although tedious in reality, too rounded for the elegant figure she admired. Wished for.

You can’t do this forever, she thinks to herself. You won’t!

She clings onto her ambitions, although impressed by simple things also, they give her a sense of ambition, living, freedom! Things she has already although she never truly feels as if she does, trapped inside a prison of worry and conscious watching. She loves the Earth, the wind although cold… she feels the vibes tingling through her fingertips as she dances around the garden, her own style of dance not like most teenage girls her age love and long to do, not that she knows… She pauses taking a breath of reality. Thinks about her future. Does she really want this? Does she really wish to be brittle?