Stormy Mind

I know it will hurt and I know I will cry.

I  know because it already does, sometimes so bad I want to die.

I know you are the only one I want, and the one with whom I'll never be.

I know that my brain sees it is true, but my heart will never agree.

I know after all this time I can't live without the dreams.

I know I will have to, as it falls apart at the seams...

I know while I will be alone, you will have so many from which to choose.

I wonder if I ever even had your love to lose.

I wonder what my life without the dreams of us will become.

I wonder if it will cause me to finally succumb...

I wonder if you ever meant all those things you used to say,

I wonder if I had never believed it, would my heart be in less disarray.

I wonder if we could be as happy as I always thought.

I wonder if my soul would still be overwrought.

I fear that all this may be in my head.

I fear my worries may have me completely misled.

I fear I am wrong and her love is still there.

I fear I will always hold this hope and my heart in its snare.

I fear that my past hurt has led me astray.

I fear that there is a hidden chance I will continue to underplay.

I fear I will forever be lost in this confusion.

I choose to follow through on my delusion.

I choose to keep on trying,

I choose to make sure all my pain is kept underlying.

I choose to keep playing this game despite the cost.

I choose to get back up no matter what I have lost.

I choose to wander on, completely resigned.

I choose to be ever lost, in my own mind...

I know I have no clue what it all means for me,

I wonder if the two of us will ever be,

I fear more hurt is all I will incur...

And I choose to suffer through it all for a chance with her.