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Oswald was the first elephant on the moon, but it wasn't easy. |
Oswald was the first elephant on the moon, but it wasn't easy. First, he had to get through the 'elephants have equal intelligence' revolution. There were herds of elephants, marching on capital cities worldwide, and Oswald was there with them, waving placards and stomping in rhythm. In the end, some elephant-discriminatory laws were repealed, but humans still had the advantage. It was unheard of for elephants to be in any higher-up job positions, and, although they had been allowed into institutions of study, very few had taken up the opportunity. Of those who did try, many dropped out within the first few months due to what the schools called “irreconcilable differences between species” and “insufficient funding for species-appropriate facilities”. But Oswald was determined: He would be an astronaut. He had enrolled, studied hard, spent hours flying, and made sure to convince everyone that he was at least as reliable as a human. He had some disadvantages – none of the equipment was built with elephants in mind, and it was financially impractical for the training program to make modifications. He also had some advantages though: Elephants are naturally stronger than humans, and Oswald had the support of the global elephant population. Many years passed and his wrinkles grew deeper, but in the end he was finally successful. It helped that NASA created an 'Elephant Scholarship Position'. The place was, theoretically, reserved for the highest-achieving elephant in the astronaut school. In practice, Oswald was the only one enrolled. At first, NASA was reluctant to manufacture an elephant-shaped spacesuit. However, after Oswald's meeting with some higher-ups and the threat of a discrimination lawsuit, they changed their minds. They would be honoured to produce a species-appropriate extraterrestrial exploration outfit. They had simply meant it was financially impossible, unless Oswald provided the funding for it. Due to lack of finances, Oswald temporarily believed his dream was impossible. He fell into a period of depression, spending hours each day sitting in an ele-tavern, staring into space and drinking African spring water. His friends were very worried about him, so to cheer him up, they started a fund-raising group. They collected donations from rich and poor elephants alike, and even managed to convince several humans to give money as well. One of the proudest days of Oswald's life was the day he walked into the NASA office and passed over the cheque for his spacesuit. To celebrate, several elephant friends threw him a party. They had a wonderful time: trumpeting, dropping dung everywhere, and stomping and dancing in time to the music. After the party was over, there were several long years of testing, adjusting and hope as technical obstacles were encountered and overcome. But finally Oswald's spacesuit was ready! He boarded the spaceship, dancing from side to side with joy. His dancing almost knocked over the boarding ramp, so he stopped. Even so, his trunk was twitching with excitement: He would achieve his dream. He would be the first elephant to dance on the moon. |