Chapter Won

CHAPTER WON: Ziggy meets Paul

His smile was too friendly. His handshake knew everything. It had been weeks…maybe months since I had posted my original ad on craigslist almost begging for a roommate to help with the heavy financial burden of my two bedroom apartment.

The apartment got with Maude, the beautiful lost gypsy girl who was so quiet and shy but if you paid close enough attention you could read everything in her eyes. The way you could see they repelled your direct stare you knew she was so unsure of herself, didn’t know what you wanted from her.

And when she did look back into you and your direct stare you knew she was trying to force her every thought and feeling right into your mind. She was trying to make you relate with thoughts and feelings you may never understand.

I tried so hard. I always felt like I was trapped in a sandstorm and until the small grains settled could I find my own familiar territory. I could never understand the frenzy of emotion she tried to force upon me. Maude rarely used words to describe her feelings. She would just look and expect. I found this to be far too much responsibility. But if she had been or acted to have been anyone other than who she was I wouldn’t have fallen in love with her. I liked being lost in her violent tumultuous silence. I felt sane and stable. I could help her. We could help the other.

Of course she was too lost and I was too jaded.

I could never understand her passive aggressive anger for my not understanding her and she could never understand my mistrust of her ongoing silence followed by questionable behavior or actions.

When we were madly in love and delusioned by happiness, we rented this apartment together.

Then the happiness ended,which in turn brought on the reality that maybe Maude and I couldn’t sustain that contentment. The second bedroom became Maude’s sanctuary and that soon turned as empty and silent as a tomb. Quick to remind me she still existed and painful as the memories of the deceased it had held.

Now that empty room was just a reminder of what I had and didn’t anymore, due to her faults or mine, who knew anymore really. More than likely our faults together just fed off the other and made them worse. More substantial and even more relevant though was the room reminded me of the amount of money I didn’t have.

Maude found an apartment downtown and I stayed in the past where to me she still lived ,where “we” had lived.

After a month or so when she made it clear she’d never be coming back I got on craigslist and made our old bedroom and her old escape from me available to someone semi sane and able to hold a steady job, basically someone with the ability to support themselves.

As he stood there I just felt uncomfortable. He seemed too eccentric. Totally out there. Maybe that’s why I didn’t just do a simple hand release and swift door kick shut. I never took him for a threat, and I felt that in some odd way he was like me. Weird,lost,lonely. Although I could have been so depressed and lonely that i had just made myself see him in that light. I had refused to see pure insanity standing right in from of me. Crazy in khaki and a red and white flowered shirt, smiling and searching.

“this is it huh? The ole abode of Ziggy and Paul? Pretty nice, kinda snug. Definetely don’t want more than two heads in here huh?”

“yeah….just need some help with the finances”

He slapped his hand heavily on my shoulder and his smile got wider, if that was even humanly possible.

“Uhm…well….do you need help getting your stuff up?”

“Nope, got the necessities right here.”

He then rolled up his big suitcase. I assume it used to be blue. That’s the color is slightly resembled underneath all of the bumper stickers and dirtish. The worn material seemed surprised it was actually able to hold the stickers and dirt. I was surprised it was able to contain anything. People hold on to crazy things. Maybe he had some weird bond with it. Maybe his favorite GI Joe died in that case,or maybe he found his first pet hamster Tom in there and it had given birth to a hundred other baby hamsters and gorged herself to death.

Whatever happened had kept him with it through those years must have been strong. Stronger than his case.

“I see you admiring my suitcase, you’ll never find one like it. See shes got personality, shes been through shit and seen things. Gotter at a garage sale last week and im trying to figure out her story.

I stared.

He moved.

Down the hall, he rolled his personality filled case through the living room kitchen hallway and directly to the first room on the right.

He became suddenly illuminated.

“Yulp, this’ll do man.” He sighed like life could never again bring him such sweet satisfaction.

He stood at the lit doorway just surveying the room. I got the feeling he was trying to understand it before he actually set foot inside and claimed it for his own. Him and his case absorbing the light. His face was defined, not necessarily sharp, prominent for sure. His dark hair was playing with the shadows of his face. And even though he wasn’t exactly tall he gave such an air of suredness that he seemed slightly intimidating. This was all of course before you looked into his dark eyes, they held so much understanding and compassion.

I stood at his door way examining him as he took out two pairs of khaki cargo shorts, two pairs of jeans, several undershirts, a couple flannel, and some t-shirts. While I studied him I wondered what he thought about me and what did he think of what I had to offer, company wise.

I assumed I came off on edge, unsure of myself and who I was, lost in my insecurities. I guess at that period that’s who I was. I held no concrete stance in what I thought and who I was.

“so… uhm…do I get to be alone in here or do you usually stand in the doorway and oversee all activity that goes on in your roommates living area? Not bitching just wanna know ahead of time so I can properly prepare myself dude. I can speed change if I need to….just prefer not to….just sayin’”

I hadn’t realized I’d probably been standing and observing for about five to fifteen minutes. I felt the blood rush to my face. It was so weird the way he looked not only in my eyes when he spoke but into them like he already knew how I worked and processed information. As if his statement was more for my benefit than his own.

“Uh, sorry man, totally spaced out….well I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Shit dude, let’s have some beer and chat, I wanna know who I’m living with, I mean know my limits and shit.”

When he laughed it was light and carefree, as if he laughed forever he would never tire, at the same time it was full and rich…like everything lived in it.

I had gotten the very specific feeling that he had already knew his boundries. Every word he said and every move he made was all for me and my comfort.

“I mean…I have no real house rules….don’t steal or borrow my shit, at least not without asking. And don’t bring anyone around who seems like they are sketchy….clean up after yourself…? I don’t know dude it’s your place too…”

“You got my first months rent right?”

“Uhm yeah like yesterday.”

“Cool man”

Out of nowhere came a case of beer. I happened to find one in my hand. I guess I had grabbed it on instinct. He seemed so at ease, comfortable, cool. Not cool like high school football star stealing virginities and giving wedgies. You know having parties in the bathroom that included one white girl and three guys.

He was the shade on a hot cloudless summer day. Like the sound of the waves caressing the beach front in the Gulf of Mexico, but only the sound you get when your eyes are closed. He soothed you so much you felt on edge. How could a single person bring you that kind of solace? And why would that solace put you on edge?

“I’m still in love with Maude.”

“I know man”

I leaned my weight heavily against the door frame and slid slowly down with my shame. I opened my beer and sighed. Taking that first step into the lost world where I seem to find myself. I chugged half the can and the liquid inside tasted like playground monkey bars.

“So what happened?”

I chugged the other half. I cracked open another. And I sighed. I’m always full of sighs lately. I then rolled my head over the uncomfortable laminate wood frame and looked at Paul. Sitting under the window waiting between the indentions where her desk once sat. A sad reminder of my pathetic attempt at a replacement.

“What do you mean what happened? We broke up and she moved out”

It sounded sad falling from my mouth. It came with no purpose.

“Well obviously Ziggy or I wouldn’t be here. How did it end? Take another cerveza you need it.”

“It ended how it began I guess…slowly. She was just the one to make the end official. I came home one day and her clothes were in that closet, she had a sleeping bag and pillow on the floor until the next day when her new bed set was delivered.

“I just started helping her move the rest of her stuff in here. We didn’t even discuss it. I just knew, and she knew I knew. It was silent in here for the month she stayed till she found her place downtown.”

“Now you’re here” Paul paused “When did this happen?”

“Like five or seven months ago…I think…”

Paul furrowed his eyebrows, looking in a concerned sort of way, maybe in a disturbed sort of manner.

“and how much longer are you gunna hide out here? There’s nothing wrong with moving forward. We both know you can’t move forward if you stay in the same place.”

I looked into the closet where Maude’s clothes used to hang and I imagined her smell still lingered. Down with the third or fourth beer.

“Let’s go out brah brah, on me. You’re seriously pale inside and out. You need that summer glow.”

“Uhm its ten thirty at night”

“The glow begins inside dude, we got the pre-game going. Let’s finish hard.”

He pulled me up under my arms. His strength was surprising. “There’s a bar right down the way and with any luck well pass out in one of the many alleys on the way back. Or maybe some bar slut will take advantage of us in our intoxication trunks.”

“Dude I have to work in the a.m. I can’t get shitty.”

“Please” he scoffed and rolled his eyes “you work at a used bookstore, its not that hard of a job.”

I seriously hesitated to wonder how he would know that I worked at a bookstore. Maybe perhaps he saw me around. But if we had ever met before I know I’d remember. Although I didn’t get much time to think about this.

“Your blank stare, to me, says ‘I’m ready to get shitty’ so take off those sweats put on some jeans, maybe even a shirt with a collar ,bro, look at me I’m dressed to the nines. I look devilishly handsome. If you go out looking like a washed up retired boxer we’ll never get a female to know we exist.”

“You look like a forty something year old visiting Hawaii for the first time.” I said this sarcastically with a bite I hope he felt “Listen man, I don’t wanna go out. I’m tired.”

“Tired of what? Lounging at your easy job, day dreaming about Maude? Counting down the moments until you get off to come to the apartment you had together and mope around?”

Obviously my bite was ineffectual. I felt my face set hard, but I knew my eyes said how right he was.

“Yeah that’s what I thought. So whatya thinkin’ guy? We gunna go look for some harlots to bring to the man cave?”

“Another shot!” I found myself yelling raucously to the barkeep.

My brain was swimming in the ecstasy of drinking, drinking in public. Being drunk with someone. Someone to share a beer with that’s not my sad reflection in the toilet or lonely thoughts half asleep on my couch. For so long now it had felt as though my spirit had been shackled to a barge and just dragging it along begrudgingly. Hating it for becoming heavier everyday.

And right now at this moment I felt it becoming lighter. I was free of the iron chains and steel barge.

I felt then saw the big dark brown hand on my shoulder.

“Hey! Four more of whatever he’s having! Put it on the Whitmore tab!”

I turned slightly to my left and my eyes were drowning in a huge fluorescent white smile.

“Z! You’re out! Do you know that this isn’t your apartment?”

I felt my mouth open for a retort but apparently today my body and mind were not on the same wave length. I didn’t have shit for a response. Although it didn’t matter. Part of my old crew meandered over as drunkenly as I felt. And of course Stewart had once again become victim to a nut shot.

“Fuck man! Enough! I can’t shoot shit except pool! I don’t eat dick for a living like you. Jesus damn cunt mother fuck. You probably ruptured a vesicle and Stephanie will make you donate sperm to have our bastard child!”

Michael was grinning. I made myself forget these guys. My best friends before Maude. The friends I lost in the aftermath of the deadly storm.

“I’ll donate as much sperm as Steph needs man. You can even watch, if you’re not comfortable being there for the actual act I hear she likes to b e taped so I can get you a copy”

The laugh rolled out of my mouth. I became so taken aback I stopped mid guffaw.

The guys stared, than started in with their laughs.

“Been a while since your last laugh dude?”

Once again Xavier’s smile nearly blinds me.

“So who got you out of your apartment?”

Of course Michael is the one to ask, assuming I have a new girlfriend love interest sort of deal going on.

“My new roommate Paul”

“I figured the only thing that’d get you outta Maude melancholy mode would be another snatch.”

“Five shots! Carmichael tab! Where’s the miracle worker that got you here with us by an accidental twist of fates?”

Michael was drunk. His nose was red and he seemed ready to start a riot. Paul disappeared somewhere in the flurry of events. Maybe the guys intimidated him away, but I just couldn’t imagine such a thing could be possible. Of course I’d only known him for hours, so anything could have happened.

And then there he was, slightly swaying out of the bathroom. I waved him over when he finally felt my stare. Micahael must have had his radar going because he took two of the five shots and started to make his way over to Paul. They both disappeared into the small crowd. The next thing I heard was a glass fall to the ground and Michael yell.

“Take your shots, shits going down!”

“Fucking cunt! Watch where you’re going!”

“Fuck you man it was an accident!”

Paul is standing between a very steroidal man and Michael “C’mon guy, lemme buy you a drink, it really was an accident”

“Shut your God damned mouth ya dick!”

Muscle man was pissed, more than pissed, enraged. He shoved Paul hard, right into Michael.

Simultaneously me, Xavier and Stewart slammed our cheap whiskey and headed that way. Muscle Mcgee I guess had his friends with him too, because a group of what could have been clones of himself came skulking thataway. Then it all just happened. Xavier picked up one of the shorter muscles by his shirt front. He swung him and knocked over the next nearest muscles guy.

Michael and Steroid Stan were going at it, a frenzy of fists. Stewart was attempting to separate them, without getting hit and doing so ineffectively.

Out of the chaos I see a fist headed straight towards my face.

The next think I know I hear worried giggles and a familiar voice.

“Hey man get up let’s go! I got us outta there and valiantly saved these two ladies from the carnage within.”

“Wha….?”

“C’mon dude, recover your legs, we gotta scoot on home. We’ll get some beers on the way”

I stood unsteadily, my left cheek felt swollen. My head was pounding and my brain was fuzzy.

“I’m probably concussed should I keep drinking? I mean is that ok?”

“Don’t be a pussy, you’ll be fine”

I stagger after him and smaller cute-ish wenchy wraps an arm around my waist kind of guiding me along.

“We’ll get you some ice on that cheek of yours. No worries baby ill take good care of you.”

I could practically hear her getting all wet and ready for the rest of the night. I really wanted to be disgusted but it had been awhile and her hand had just given my personal property the most seductively playful fondling. It helped me pick up my pace a bit.

The walk to the liquor store underneath my apartment became rushed and full of bullshitting, like we actually cared what the other did for work, or if our family lived nearby. I did ask what bars she frequents so I can kind of avoid them in case this got weird.

The meaningless chatter eased my feelings of how cheap this was. But even though it felt cheap in a certain way, mostly it was exciting.

We all got up to the apartment and put on some music. Broke open the bottle of whiskey and our 18 of shit beer.

And the games began.

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