Loved&Dumped(Confession and Karma)

It must have been July when I met him. His name was Derek. He was 17 years old from California. I, on the other hand is from Cold Canada. We met online on this site called Egocity.com (it is now non-existant). This site featured life-like avatars that can interact with each other. You may post statuses as well as send gifts. So one day in July I met my dream man. He was an orphan. His Vietnamese parents unfortunately died in a car accident one rainy day when he was three, he was left with an unexpecting babysitter. It wasn't long that his Vietnamese uncle adopted him. He shared his house with 7 other cousins.



It was almost immediately I fell in love with him. There was only one problem though...he had a girlfriend. Nevertheless, Derek and I talked daily. Ever faithful to his girlfriend, he would wait for her for hours, at the mean time would talk to me about many things. (i.e his plans of being a music producer) When his girlfriend came online, I was put away. Even then, I greatly admired him for his loyalty to his girlfriend.

A month of friendship had passed and my admiration for him only grew. We became closer and closer to each other. It wasn't until one day that all the beans were spilled. "I think I like someone" I posted courageously on my status. He then messaged me prodding me to tell him who it is. "It is you" I finally confessed. Things became awkward after that. He was 17 and I was 14, it is very foolish so to presume he had feelings for me.



"Elle, we broke up" he confided to me one day. Bewildered I stumbled for the right words to say. "...and I like Jen" he added. Jen was one of my closest friends in Ego City. She was older than most of us. She was 21 then. However, with her pilates-instructor body, most guys fall head over heels for her. "That's great Derek" I managed to say. "You should ask her out". Oh stupid! Stupid! I knew I blew my chance with Derek. "You think so?" he asked oh so sweetly. "I think so." I did not think so...



"Elle... I like you very much" my eyes lit up with these words. "I want to go out with you. But I think it would be unfair that I still like Jen while going out with you, so I'll go out with her." I knew there was something twisted in that idea, but he said it in a way that even I had to lie to myself that he was a genuine man. 'He's logical' I reasoned to myself. 'I mean he cares about how I feel. Oh! I think I'm falling deeper.'



Jealousy ate me up as I observed the two lovers share private conversations and status about their profound love for one another. Mind you they've only been dating for four days. Then it ended. 'Victory for me' I chuckled menacingly. Finally on August 19, 2010 he asked me to be his 'most wonderful girlfriend' to which I quickly replied 'yes'



When September rolled around, Derek met Daniella. They became quite good friends. Derek assured me that nothing is going on between the two of them, and that he will always love me. "You are my number one baby" he says to me. For a long weekend, I had to go away to a campmeeting. That means talking for 3 whole days which has never happened before. While away, he sent me numerous messages. " Baby I miss you." "Baby don't worry Daniella is babysitting me." "Come home now I want you."



When I got home, the internet at our house disconnected. Devotedly, each day after school I had to walk for half an hour to my sisters house and connect to their non-wireless internet which I had to compete to use with my niece and brother in-law. He became angry because of long my absence. I went to great extent in trying to connect with him even if it means sacrificing my own life. "I like Daniella" was the only appreciation I ever got.



"What?" I asked overwhelmed. "I like Daniella" he said again piercing my oh so fragile heart. "You're never around Elle, but she has been there for me"

"What?" I asked again not knowing how to handle this news.

"I've only been away for a few days"

"I know, but it seems like eternity."

"So you're saying you want to break up with me?"

"No! Elle! Dont't ever think that. You are my number one. Don't forget that."



I distanced myself from Derek. Although I regained my internet connection at home, I've always found excuses not to be online. "My mom banned me" I lied.

Ego city allows people to have mulptiple account, and a sinister idea struck me. 'What if I spied on him' and spied on him I did.

"Hello, do you have a girlfriend" a stranger asked Derek.

"Yes I do. And I love her very much."

"Really?"

"Yes, and her name is Elle."

"Aww I wish I had someone like you. I'm a man hater."

"That sucks."

"Oh uhm...What's her username?"

"Who?" Derek questioned.

"Your girlfriend."

"Ellej"

"Oh my gosh! Ellej? Really? She's my bestfriend."

"Cool." Derek replied

"OMG. You haven't heard have you?"

"Heard about what?"

"That she passed away. Didn't you know she had pneumonia?"

No reply.



The stranger once again logged in under the name Manila77.

"Derek, I'm sorry to have played a prank on you. Elle's not dead, she's banned."

"Manila, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"Oh I'm sorry. You know my bestfriend is very nice, and you are too. She's very

lucky to have you. She was a man hater too just like me. That is until she fell in love with you. She's the vice president of our MH (man hater) club, but she resigned for you. Her exs just cheated on her.

"I didn't know that. Pretty girl like Elle should be taken care of not played. She's the funniest girl I know, and I just love her."



A few days later Manila77 and Derek have hit it off. They talk of nothing but 'Elle'.

Yes I was Manila77, and after talking with Derek, I have regained my trust for him.

Being insecure, naive, and inexperienced in love, I knew no other way to find out his true motives other than to spy on him. "Hunnie, I'm Manila77." I confessed.

"What!?!?" His warm welcoming tone changed into what I considered horror. I know I deserved it. I tried to punish him for liking Danielle but somehow I felt I'm responsible for 100% of all the guilt felt at that moment. He was not guilty of liking her, and tried to convince me it was normal. I could not be moved. But at that moment all my anger towards him turned into shame and guilt. Now he was the victim of my cruel prank. All of the sudden the gavel has been struck and my verdict is guilty, and he was declared innocent.



"I'm sorry" Over and over again I said.

"I don't trust you anymore" his words struck like lightning.

"I understand. Please just dump me."

"Are you happy now Elle?" he ignored my statement.

"How could I be happy when the boy I love is not okay."

"Elle you spied on me" he reiterated. "You don't trust me."

"I'm sorry...Please...just dump me now. I don't deserve you"

"Elle, I'm not going to dump you."

"But you don't trust me, so what's the point of this relationship?"



I was manipulative, I forced him to trust me again. On top of that, I nagged for a picture of him which he would not give because his uncle forbade him.

He finally gave in 3 months into the relationship. He was handsome. Almost as if he was sculpted into perfection. No words can describe him but plain sexy. Almost every month he would show me a picture against his uncle's will as a result of my endless nagging. When our 4th month came, I made a Youtube video as a dedication to him.He said he 'raped' the replay button. It contained our avatars' picture and my real life picture, without any of his pictures. Which I thought was kind of pathetic for people watching it may have thought he was imaginary, without any trace of existance is present. Just a fanatic girl who believes she has a boyfriend from California. Even my very bestfriends doubted his existance. I could not prove to them for he had no picture available nor Facebook. He would briefly show me his picture logging into my email account and posting it there, and then delete it.



Luckily I have an evil mind and printscreen.



I kept his picture.



Why can't I... I mean every other girlfriends out there keep their boyfriend's picture.



6 months came and our love became deeper rooted as ever. We would go online everyday. It was the love that was never suppose to blossom but it blossomed redder than any rose. It started off as selfish desires and twisted beginning, but it lasted that long. 7th month came he said his first 'I love you' voice to voice. then the 8th came. By this time, we were inseperable. Everyone was jealous, trying to break us apart, but we held on. His 'like' for Daniella unforunately also grew alongside our love. "Love is greater than 'like'" he'd always remind me. I believed him.



Enter Mark, a dashing Mexican who aimed to win every heart of every creature who ever wore a skirt. He loved Jen, but recently broke up with her. Mark joined me in trying to win back Derek. He assured me that I'll get Derek back. We talked more and more. I confided to him my hurts and fear of losing Derek.It was then that Mark fell in love....with me. I felt something for Mark but I knew it was wrong. We called each other "babe" for the sake of rebellion, but it became so serious that I had no control over it anymore. He set an anniversary date. It scared me.



I had Derek, and  Mark. I knew I should be only wanting Derek. It was the guilt that pulled me right back in. I left Mark. Mark made me feel secure, unlike Derek who only blamed me for everything. Broken hearted, Mark tried to make me jealous by dating Daniella. I was sad, but happy that finally I can make things right between me and Derek, that we can be happy again without distractions since Daniella is dating Mark.



Things took an unexpected turn. Derek became jealous of Mark because Mark's dating his little crush.It was never supposed to be. Only Mark and I truly understand the whole situation, and I know things were way out of my control. "Please just stay away Mark." I said with remorse. Mark honored my words and once again Derek and I became happy as two frogs in a pod. Or so I thought. I knew I had no feelings for Derek. He was controlling. He choose who I hang out with and demand that his ways are right. He gets jealous if Daniella has a new love affair. But being together for almost 9 months, I opt for happily forever after. I stayed for the sake of the length of our relationship. I very well know it was wrong.



When tenth month came, I allowed him to log in on my Facebook. To my utter surprise, it registered he was from Columbus Ohio. I did not question him about it until about another week when he mentioned his cousin's nail salon where he worked as a maintenance guy. He originally claimed it was in San Diego, yet he was in Columbus. Finally after much thought, I convinced myself to question him. He confessed to moving there at New Years but later changed his story to " I miss California, where I was born and where my parents are buried that's why I tell people I'm from Cali."

"I thought you said before you don't know where your parents are buried?"

"I did?"



But that didn't stop me from loving him. I deleted my Facebook account permanently for him. Two weeks passed, and I discovered Google Image where you can upload a photo and it will show you the source. Printscreen for Mac came in handy. The Derek I know, love and care for, I discovered, sent me fake pictures all these months. I felt the world crashing down.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but if you didn't nag me I wouldn't have sent you fake picture."

Guilt again took a hold of me.

"It's okay baby, I understand" I said understandingly.



We were once again like Romeo and Juliet, reciting little poems and expressing our love as if nothing happened. We searched for another site where we can chat since Ego City was shutting down, and I did manage to find one.



He quickly adjusted to the new site, and uploaded his 'real' pictures. He made new friends. During that time, I went for a week long vacation in Toronto. I brought only my sister's iPod, so our communication was hard. Soon he confessed to me that he's been liking 3 girls in just a matter of weeks that I was away.

But...."love is greater than 'like'" he said cheerily.

"Like develops into love" I reminded him.

"Baby you'll always be my number one."

"I don't want to be number one! I want to be the only one!"



Jealousy took a hold of me. We fought day in and day out. He said he was flirting and that is normal for boys. "I'm like a computer baby, it's programmed in me" he reasoned. For some weird reason, or maybe I'm just a completely sane human being, I find that excuse lame.

"I need space Elle, we can be friends."

Those are the words that echoes to this day. It was all over. I was hurt.



It was July. July we met and July we parted. 11 more days and it would have been our 11 month anniversary. Somehow, even though how bad our relationship was, it left a big scar in my life. Exactly a month and 1 day later, he dated Kristal, a fourteen year old girl he met on the website that I recommended to him. He was 18 years old that time.

Or so I thought. He later confessed to being only 16 claiming that he only wanted to be popular on Ego City. Kristal turned out to be only 12.



Mark returned to my life.

We relived our happy moments, but he has changed. Four days later we broke up.

A week later we were together again. 12 days later, he dumped me saying he wnated to get back with his ex.



To this day, 8 months later I remain bitter and full of lessons. I admit I was wrong therefore I hid nothing but raw honesty from unspoken words I have kept for so long. There is not a day since Derek and I broke up that I don't think of him. I still don't know why I can't, considering we had it bad. He vanished from my life without any trace. I miss him a lot. But after much thought, I realize I don't want him back anymore. We both had our shares of Karma and we deserved it. You might say I am a bad person, but I know that if all people are honest all stories would be similar to mine. There is rarely a smooth happily ever after. Sometimes the Prince has flaws and bad breath. Movies has tried to conceal the bad qualities, but as human beings,me must be prepared to face reality no matter how ugly.



And that is my story. What is yours? Feel free to share and be honest! It's such a freeing experience.