Windburn on the crossing

They had met in the converted garage on Beech Rd and Maria replayed the conversation while she waited for the train. The station was horrible, a tangle of pawn shops, takeaways and newsagents congealed around the decaying building with its crackling tannoy.

She lit a cigarette and read one of her revision texts; Freud and his defence mechanisms. Unable to focus, her mind wandered back to the conversation, 3 gin and tonics and Asha, Asha who was engaged to a man. She remembered savouring every minute, the slice of time alone with her. The beautiful woman who always answered her phone when they were out together. She did apologise before she answered and afterwards explained that she was worried about her favourite cousin who had resigned from her journalism job rather suddenly. “Trouble is, she’s coming up to Manchester for a job interview and she needs somewhere to stay on the same night as Nick’s big work dinner party.”

“She can stay with me.”

The blue eyes held hers with an affectionate intensity. “Are you sure?”

“Of course”

“Well be careful” said Asha, and Maria wondered again what she had meant.

The station seemed quite empty, she shifted in her scruffy little car and wondered why she had always been so opposed to mobile phones. Her logic suddenly seemed very flawed,  and she hoped that she was not freezing pointlessly while the woman who hopefully looked like Asha changed her plans. She returned reluctantly to Freud and focussed on the dark secrets of the unconscious until she heard the tap on the window and Kavita smiled at her. She was like Asha, all golden hair and bone structure. Her voice was deeper, but with the same slightly lilting quality to her words. The wolves had a darker language, many of the old words still rooted in sounds that could be barked in lupine form.

“If I get this job it’ll be entirely thanks to you.” Maria smiled at her and pulled away from the kerb, the car skidding slightly in the filthy snow. They took the narrow streets to the gay village, men in jeans, in shorts and enormous dresses weaving across the road and thronging outside the bars. “Is it a special occasion?”

“They’re always like this.”

“Interesting.”

They cut across the main road into town, the men and women in their suits almost all human with a scattering of wolves, then down to the university, far more diverse in its mix. A hallucinogenic blend of people filled the windows. The Centaur exchange programme was still dominating the physics block, and the ongoing debate about sanitary pavements made Maria laugh every time she opened the south Manchester paper.

The hospital was served by a mix of wolves and humans, sometimes the on call rotas could be really challenged by the lunar patterns. Maria had worked every full moon since she qualified. She turned right at the edge of the curry mile and heard Kavita draw her breath in, the same way Asha did. “Ash says you live in a commune”

“I guess I do, I didn’t quite intend it to be that way, but we’re up to about 10 people now.” She followed the bus lane to the part of town with the biggest houses where the bedsits, squats and communities far outnumbered the family homes and the tree lined houses were best navigated with caution when the sun went down. “Did something happen? In Aberdeen I mean?”

“I lost my friends.”

“All of them?”

“All the ones I loved.”

“Why?”

“Because I learned something painful about myself and trusted someone.”

“And they betrayed you?”

“Pretty much.”

“Ouch.”

Kavita shifted in her seat “Ouch”.

Maria pulled up outside a faded pair of Victorian semis at the Lowry end of the era. The upstairs rooms were covered in posters and largely free of curtains. “Here’s your stop and if you look across the road you’ll see mine.”

“Including the newsagent?”

“I bought the whole lot.”

“Did you win the lottery?”

“My boss assaulted me.”

“Ouch.”

Maria nodded and sucked in a breath. Then she lit a cigarette and smiled. “Good luck you.”

“Look I know I’ve said it before, but thank you.”

“It’s okay really, I enjoyed doing it”

Kavita caught her eye and felt her chest tighten. She coloured and took the cigarette she was offered, then she followed the icy path to the roughly painted black door. The door opened as she approached and a woman in a T-shirt with long dyed hair smiled at her.

“Come in, come in, we’re impressed you made it.” Kavita hesitated and held her cigarette awkwardly. “You can smoke inside, we all do.”

“Thank you,” Kavita sat down and looked at the woman with the multicoloured hair, “Do you work for PC Total?”

“No I live in the house with Steve and edit the Manchester UFO newsletter”.  Her eyes were focussed carefully on Kavita.

“I change shape once a month, my mind is open.”

“I’ve never met a wolf properly.”

“In Manchester?”

“Well the communities I move in are quite human.”

“Me too,” Kavita said softly and looked at the cafetiere. “Do you mind if I help myself?”

“Sorry please do.” Kavita took a mouthful of coffee and focussed on the interview. She thought of the questions they might ask and how to explain the move from books to computer games.

A man with a superman T-shirt stretched over his stomach opened a door and called her in. There were 2 men in similar shirts sitting at a coffee stained table and a fourth man in a sports jacket. “We’re all really pleased to meet you” said the man in the jacket. He introduced himself as Steven , the editor, and introduced his colleagues as Tim, Michael and Richard. Two of them worked on the magazine and Richard was a gamer.

It had been Steven’s idea to have an editor for the letters page who also wrote about the community, he explained it to Kavita and wondered if his self-consciousness was apparent. Kavita nodded approvingly, "I think the 90s are going to be all about participation".

“Thank you," said Steven excitedly, "the magazine depends on its readers, they have a right to have a say.”

“So why do you want to move to Manchester?” asked Michael, his superman logo straining further as he leant back in his chair.

“That’s not one of the questions.”

“I don’t see why we have to have an interview Steve. You chose me because I could beat you in every game possible.” Steven started a sentence then changed his mind. He welcomed Kavita again and poured her out a glass of water. Kavita thanked him again and smiled at the four men, “Could you talk me through your CV?” asked Steve.

“Well I did my English degree in St Andrews and I wrote for the student newspaper. I reviewed plays and edited the letters. After St Andrews I started writing for Celtic Word and I’ve been there until now.”

“Why the change?” Kavita faltered for a minute, then she smiled. “The literary scene just doesn’t hold me the way it used to. But computer games, they set you free and take you somewhere wild. You can do anything in the virtual world, battle dragons, drink with elves, kill radioactive zombies and fly a spaceship.” She took a mouthful of water and added softly, “Also you can get to know people in the way they want to be seen, and they way they want to see you.”

“I hear you” Richard said softly.

She read out the review she prepared, capturing the intensity of the relationships in her party and the camaraderie. “But why do you need an onscreen persona when you look the way you do?”  Michael asked her.

“Everyone wants to change something about themselves.”

Richard nodded and gestured to the scars on his face. “When I’m the knight at the end of level 80 then every maiden wants to go home with me.”

“And maybe some of the men” said Tim and then regretted it.

There was uncomfortable silence, then Michael said rather agitatedly, “I just don’t think it would work to have a wolf in the office. Steven, what about all those jokes you made about vegan dogfood?”

“Michael we don’t make offensive jokes in the office.”

“I do.”

“I know and I’ve repeatedly asked you not to.”

“But you laughed about the vegan dogfood.”

“Vegan dogfood is rather funny” Kavita said sympathetically. She looked at the ashtray on the table and said hopefully “I know we haven’t finished but do you mind if I have a cigarette?”

“I’ll join you” Steven said gratefully, and she handed him the packet.

“I don’t mind jokes” she said finally, “I’ve probably heard them all. I do eat dogfood on wolf nights, but not the vegan kind and I’m used to people feeling a bit uncomfortable.” She took a long drag and looked at them all in turn. “I know you could find someone with more games journalism experience than me. But I doubt you’ll find anyone who loves them more than I do. I’ve always loved escaping and I’m good at writing about the things I see. The games market is changing now, and at the same time people are starting to live their whole lives through their computers. I could chart that for you.”

“What about scoring a first person shooter that the industry ask us to preview because we’re the best in the business.” “I’ll look forward to reading your review.”

“Our readers don’t want to know about poetry.”

“Possibly not, but there’s a zeitgeist to voice in every world.”

“I think we should give her the job” said Tim, “She writes like Jane Austen and she kills zombies.”

“Guys there’s a process to this” said Michael.

“Now you say that” Steven muttered bitterly. Kavita lit another cigarette and sat back. It had been a long week and it didn’t seem to be getting any better.

“Would you take the job?” Steven asked finally.

“Of course” she said softly.

“But why? We’re a tiny magazine in Manchester and you’re a successful fashion journalist?” “I’ve learned some different stuff about myself recently” she said “it’s made me view the world in a different light.” She poured herself another glass of water and waited. She wanted to talk, she wanted to tell them that her life had been pulled apart and she was looking for somewhere to hide. But she smiled a smile that accentuated her cheekbones and waited. They offered her the job and she smiled again.

Steven sent his panel out and looked at her. “Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay, wolf stuff can take people a while to get used to.”

“Thank you. Well I see from your form that you’re free to start, so why don’t you start on Monday?”

“Thank you.”

“Just one thing, I think you made a mistake when you were ticking the boxes on your form.” “No,” she said softly, “I didn’t.”

“Do you mind if I have another cigarette?” Steven asked.

“Not at all, I’d stopped myself until recently”. Steven tore up the form and lit it.

“Tell people if you want to”. They shook hands and he walked her to the door. He’d had a confusing afternoon and now he stank of smoke. He thought of his girlfriend’s stance on all things polluting and realised it was the thing that would upset her least if she could see into his head.

Kavita crossed the road and let the newsagent’s door chime shut behind her. Aside from cigarettes, the brands on the shelf were unfamiliar, mostly vegan and all organic.

“Can I help you?”

“I’m Maria’s friend”

“Oh hi, you’ll cheer her up.” She pointed to the back of the shop. “She’s in the quad”.

Maria was sitting on an aging dining room chair being comforted in a rather predatory fashion by a woman in dungarees. “Hey” said Maria, brightening visibly.

“I got the job.”

“Congratulations! Have some of this.” She handed over a pint glass with fluorescent contents. Kavita took a mouthful and choked. “They made it for me in the house,” Maria explained mournfully and took another mouthful.

“What’s happened?”

“My best friend has got a boyfriend and she wants him to stay the night.” Kavita lit a cigarette and looked sympathetic, it seemed unwise to comment until she knew more.

“I haven’t slept in the same house as a man since it happened.” The silence descended again until the angry looking woman in the dungarees picked up the pint glass. “I’m Mary by the way, and I completely support Maria. Men oppress enough of our spaces without taking this too.”

“What’s he like?”

“Well he’s very nice unfortunately.”

“Of course he’s nice, men have opportunities and they can afford to be nice.”

Kavita took another mouthful of the horrible drink and felt her anxiety coming back.

“Shall I show you to your room?”

“I’m happy to get a hotel if you’re not up to entertaining” she said slightly stiffly.

“Please stay.” Maria stood up and touched her arm. “I’m really looking forward to celebrating with you.”

“You’re very tall for a wolf” Mary said.

Kavita looked at her and waited before she answered. “Yes I am” she said, and followed Maria into the house. Mary was still talking to her, she heard the word subjugatory and something more about oppression.

The group stopped when they reached the woman crying on the stairs. Maria handed her the drink and she swallowed recklessly and started crying again. “You’re my best friend Maria.” She looked up pleadingly “Asha what do you think?”

“I’m Kavita, we’re very different”

Jane picked up her heavy rimmed glasses and looked at her. “Yes I see, well nice to meet you, sorry it’s a bit wierd.” She moved to one side and Maria led Kavita to the room with sanded floors and a big pine bed.

“You haven’t got much stuff.”

“I left in a hurry.”

“Well you’re taller than me, but I think my stuff would fit you.” Maria took a step closer and felt the charge between them. When Asha knocked on the door, it was a surprise to realise how sorry she was to see her.

Asha closed the door behind her and put down her bag on the bed. “Are you okay? My mum told me what happened?”

“How does she know?”

“She means me,” said Kavita.

“What’s happened to you Maria?” Asha asked slightly sharply.

“Jane wants Mike to stay the night” Asha looked at her in silence and lit a cigarette. “Tell me you’re not really going to lose the best friend you have over a nice man that you like.”

“She can sleep at his.”

“Maria I’m not having this conversation with you. My cousin’s found out that she’s a man and been disowned by her family, have some perspective.”

The silence stretched for some time, punctuated only by lighters and inhalation. “You don’t have to be a man if you don’t want to.”

“Don’t be naive Maria. You know wolves have to register and wolf men have to have licences. Perhaps if you spent less time persecuting innocent people you’d actually use your angst for something useful.”

“Sorry” said Maria rather pointlessly and sat down on the bed. “Kav come back with me, you need to be with your family at the moment.”

“What about your dinner party?” Maria said hopefully.

“This was supposed to be my new start Asha. I wanted to decide who to tell.”

“Maria won’t say anything.”

“She hates men.”

“I don’t hate you at all.” Maria told her, trying wildly to justify her statement. “You’re clearly not a man.”

“Maria honey, you go make us one of your nicer cocktails, Kav I’m sorry, I really am, if it’s any consolation I just phoned your brother and yelled at him.”

Maria tore herself reluctantly out of the bedroom and sat down beside Jane, still on the stairs with the pint glass.