psychosis 1

ONE

well, you're not gonna believe it anyways, so lets just dive right in, shall we? remember that song from a few years back, the one about god being just some stranger on a bus? well, guess what - the jokes on you, because i've been right here all along. - that's right, it's me, i'm god, and i'm living here on earth. now before the complaining starts, let's get one thing straight; it's not an easy job - you really wouldn't want it, no matter what you might think to the contrary. it's not like there's a manual or anything, or if there ever was, it must have gotten misplaced the last time i moved. hell, if it weren't for POST IT notes, i'd be totally ****ed. suffice it to say being a deity is not all it's cracked up to be - it's all i can do just to keep up with the bills (later, one thing at a time). for instance: imagine for a moment what it must be like knowing every dirty little deed anyone's ever done. it really is enough to drive you nuts. just try it for a second- i'd seriously like to see how you'd deal with it. i wasn't even aware i was god until recently, but i knew something was up. you know how some times things seem just too good to be true? for example: you ever have a perfect day, and to top everything off, you read some comic in the paper, and it's like it's speaking directly right to you, and you get that weird feeling that something is just a tiny bit off? that's what i'm talking about. you see, i had to grow up first - a kid couldn't handle this kind of concept, and it's not something you want thrown in your lap all at once, even as an adult. so the clues were there all along, in the impossible music of the CARS (take for instance, I'M IN TOUCH WITH YOUR WORLD - that song should'nt even exist, yet, played at just the right moment, on the right equipment, with the exact right chemical balance, it makes perfect sense; at least to me), in films like BRAZIL and IMMORTAL, in books, you name it. all just sitting there until i finally had enough spare time to get around to thinking about everything for it all to just click. right off the bat, i'd like to address a few potential issues, before things have the chance to get completely out of hand. i don't need to get swamped with a zillion freakin' emails from everyone looking for explanations for this, that, and the other. first off, the whole heaven and hell thing. anybody here seen THE MATRIX? you remember what the ORACLE said to NEO, right? told him what he needed to hear, when he needed to hear it, not what he was expecting to hear, when he wanted to hear it? it's kinda like that. so you can quit worrying about whether that petty little sin is going to be the big deal breaker. besides heaven ain't all that anyways - it's just a nicer apartment than the one you had, so to speak. oh, and that whole lake of fire and burning eternally business - ain't gonna happen, either. about your prayers - no offense, but just how much time do you think i actually have? it's not like i won't be listening, but really, there's only so much i can do, given the existing physical laws of the universe. i'm sorry, but that's the way the cookie crumbles - weren't any of you ever taught to take what you hear with a grain of salt? about the triumvirate thing - let's get this straight, for the record. there's me, myself, and I. on the one hand, you have your goody two-shoes, wouldn't hurt a fly, flawless god. boring. never does anything, just sits around all the time being perfect. pretty useless, if you ask me. and all that white - take it from someone who knows, if all your appliances and all your trim work are white, there's just no end to the dusting. then on the other hand, you have your dark, chaotic god. the source of all ideas, good and bad. a worst-case-scenario generator. never shuts up, that one. goes on and on and, well, you get the picture. you don't want to leave that one alone in a room, for sure. at the very least, he's gonna steal something. and then, in the middle, you've got your fifty-fifty god. half good, half evil (just like all of you -yup, that's the truth, get used to it. i'm not perfect either - good and bad BOTH have to exist, just like you need the shadows to differentiate from the light so you don't go around slamming into walls all of time. think people, think, please. that's what that big glob of goo in your head is for - the best computer money can't buy and most of you are just letting it go to waste). he maintains the balance, and keeps the other two from tearing each other apart. you see, they figured out, after a little trial and error, that that struggle for dominance thing wasn't going to work out long term, so they struck a deal, and created the third one as a mediator. kind of like if you've got two parents that don't get along, and they use their kid as a go-between. now don't start going off about me lying to you - there are a whole stack of 'holy books', and i didn't write any of them. they were all written by men, and they are all full of men’s interpretations of my words, and their additions to them, which all tend to get a little blurry over time, especially when there are not any pens or paper lying around handy, and most especially when someone or another stands to gain something by a little selective interpretation. that's not to say that they don't contain a lot of good ideas, but you've got to filter things. do you really think i'd burn someone forever for some tiny ****up they did as a kid? man, you people are just plain mean sometimes. question authority - you don't want to wind up with nazis again, do you? criminy - so, is frank the individual actually god - well, yes and no - he can't work miracles, or he wouldn't be behind on the rent. he's a physical manifestation, an extension, a kind of user interface of sorts. he lets god know what it's like to actually be one of you, and gives him some vicarious thrills in the process, and it teaches him some humility - makes it easier to relate to you. and that's why brother frank is broke most of the time, to keep him from getting too full of himself, so that being god doesn't go to his head and make him an insufferable son of a bitch. it is an odd relationship, but it's not unworkable. frank can pick what films he wants to watch, and if god's tired of watching it, or he's tired of leftovers, whatever, he can go experience something else thru one of you, without you ever even knowing it (think about that next time you're getting a blowjob). old frank is fairly autonomous, and he (god) keeps me (frank) from screwing up too egregiously, so it is mutually beneficial. let's see, next - why are you here? thought you'd ask that. you're here to surprise me. that's right, you. see, just because i know everything, and can think of everything, doesn't mean i've actually gotten around to doing so yet. everything takes time. that's what it's for - without time, all you've got is stasis; the good guy in the white room who never does anything or goes anywhere. without time, you've got no movement, you follow me? so, i haven't gotten around to thinking up and/or actually doing everything yet. that's where you come in. to show me something i haven't come up with already. to keep me from being bored. - that ten percent thing - it's not like i'm keeping records, but one day, i'll get around to it, so you might not want to wait too long. you don't have to send it all at once, either. a little here, a little there, that will be fine. just don't wait so long that i lose the apartment. there won't be any audits or anything - i dont have the resources, and keep it cash, check, or money orders; i'm not set up for plastic. ---a few other things while i'm at it. first, what qualifies as unacceptably bad? well i don't care much for crack dealers, murderers, rapists and child molesters. you want to declare open season on them, it's fine by me. just please, make a real effort to convict the right people, OK? all those cases of wrongly imprisoned persons just drives up my taxes, and hoses up the system. have you seen BOONDOCK SAINTS? i liked that film. some good ideas in there. second, i ain't naming any names, but the way some people treat their women is just unconscionable. you know who you are. why do you think all those white guys with their tanks are rolling around in your back yard? just for the oil? get real. it’s all very simple really, and it's nothing you haven't already heard - treat others the way you'd like them to treat you. don't beat your kids unnecessarily, don't **** around on your significant other, it's all pretty much common sense - just don't be an asshole. don't drive in the fast lane if you aren't going to drive fast, i don't give a **** what the speed limit says, get out of the way. use your turn signals; just think people, it's not all that hard. - and do you really think i give a **** who you're sleeping with? please. as for sex in general, you are all so repressed it just kills me. it's enjoyable because it's meant to be enjoyed. if more of you got laid on a regular basis, the world would be a lot happier place to be in. i know i'm way overdue for a shot of it. - about the whole wrath thing, yes, i do have a temper, and no, you really don't want to get me started, especially if i've been stuck in traffic with the AC acting up. like my old man used to say on long trips, you don't want me coming back there, do you? - be careful what you live for, because that one thing just might be your undoing. - i will ask this, and this is, that you leave my mom alone. she's old and retired, and i haven't had the chance to explain this to her yet, so don't even go there. you don't want to piss me off, believe it. - i know a lot of you have got big questions looking for big answers. well, you're **** out of luck. i don't have the time, for starters, a lot of it is way beyond your ken, and more than a few of the answers ain't all that pretty. you don't want to hear them, so don't even ask. - a word or two on death threats: make as many as you want, it is a free country. just don't kid yourself into believing you can actually kill me. it ain't happening. i am god, get it? sure you can try and pop a cap in the back of frank's head, but it'll just bounce off (he is that thick skulled), and if you park a nuke next to his place, it won't go off, and you'll just end up in jail looking stupid. or worse. like i said, you don't want to piss me off. i kind of like old frank; he is a little dense, but he's fun to have around, and it was quite amusing watching him trying to figure out this little puzzle i set up for him. well, i guess that about wraps things up. later.

TWO

hola, amigos! it's midnight, and this is frank cotton, reporting to you, live, from right next door to hell. the song you just heard was 1605 (for my sufferring) by DROWN, off the album PRODUCT OF A TWO-FACED WORLD, available @ AMAZON.COM. that's where i got my copy, and we'd like to thank you for your patronage. next up is BE QUIET AND DRIVE, by DEFTONES (and that's DEFTONES, ****heads, not 'the deftones'. you know, like it's EAGLES, not 'the eagles'), but first, a word from our sponsor, NEW VISION. let's turn it over to...well, actually frank runs NEW VISION, so take it away, frank! hey, frank cotton here for NEW VISION. i'm a part-time deliverator for a national pizza chain, but that's just my cover. in the really real world, i'm an agent of fortune, an agent provocateur, a, well, i uh, was just going to go on for a bit there but, as we all know, or at least should know, words do have meaning, and should be chosen well and not just thrown around here, there and everywhere all will-nilly like shrapnel, because they can be sharp, and painful, and in the wrong hands might could even get someone killed. so rather than sing my own praises, i will get right to the point and tell you a little about my company. it's a small concern, and none of yours, and what we, or rather i, do here is come up with ideas. big ones, little ones, i've got them all right here, and for a limited time, that is, just this once, i'm going to let you have one for free, right here, right now. seriously. now you may be familiar with frank, or you may not, doesn't much matter either way, really, let's just suffice it to say that frank has been trolling around hereabouts for quite a while, trying to get some interest drummed up for some of his intellectual property. he's tried the subtle, thru channels bull**** approach, he's tried the shove it down your throat blitzkreig approach, and everything in between, to no avail. he's left messages for major film directors, e-mailed attachments to well known producers, and even once managed to piss off ALEX PROYAS on his own (his, not frank's), web site MYSTERY CLOCK. frank would like to apologize at this time, and say that he intended no offense. he was just trying to make a point, and altho he stands by what he said, he is sorry for the manner in which he said it, and the method he used to do so. to continue, well, let's hold up for just one minute and get frank the dj to fire up some tunes. how about some MINISTRY there, frank? anything's good, but what say you to FLASHBACK, or CANNIBAL SONG, or BREATHE, or, **** it, just play 'em all! far-****in' out! so where were we? something about product...oh that's right. anyways, frank had pretty much given up. all but, at that. he'd gotten rejection notices, busy signals, outright rebukes and was even shown the door on one occasion. some fussed about copyright issues and wouldn't even look at what he had to offer. he did manage to get one thing published, he may have even mentioned it here @ AICN, once. SCARECROW! excellent dude, keep it rollin'! the fish showed a little interest in that one; he got several nibbles before he finally got a real bite (we'll talk more about that, later). but that was it. and to try and keep a long story short, since then, frank had pretty much lost all hope of ever amounting to jack ****. he went so far as to put in his will that he wanted everything he'd ever drawn, written, rendered, printed, or even sketched burned with him, when at last his time did come. no, i am not ****ing kidding you, i can walk right back to the cat's room (don't ask, don't start), and have it right here, in front of me, and scanned, faxed, signed, sealed, and delivered to you instantaneously, if that's what it takes to prove it to you, in mere moments. so here's the deal. frank is fed the **** up with trying to sell his ideas, so just this once, right after this here commercial break, he is going to give you one for FREE! that's right, free. it's a short story, brief and to-the-point, not 1000 frickin' pages like the work of some who we won't be naming at this particular time and place, an autobiographical sorta piece, that i think you might like. and if you don't, big deal, all it cost you was zip. a few wasted minutes out of your day. so how's that? sound fair enough? i thought so. what we're gonna do is, well, just post it right here, if HARRY don't mind. and that's it. then you can judge for yourself, whether old frank (and that's uncle frank, to you, baby) has a clue or not. or at the least, an original idea or two rattlin' around upstairs, somewhere or other. so everyone get a drink and a snack, or burn one, or whatever, and frank will be right back with the goods. now back to tonights broadcast, already in progress. next up, SOUNDGARDEN, with HANDS ALL OVER, off of LOUDER THAN LOVE (as heard in PACIFIC HEIGHTS).

that was MISS WORLD by HOLE off the LIVE THROUGH THIS album on the all-night frank cotton show, live on radio K-A-L-I from deep inside the twilight zone. we have a request coming up from one of, well, me, actually. it goes out to the most beautiful woman frank has ever laid eyes on. like, ever. he just met her for the first time friday, let's hear it for, wait, you mean she's not here? oh, a request, yeah, right. this next one goes out from frank, to ASHLEY, the brightest star in the heavens. BE MY ANGEL by MAZZY STAR, from SHE HANGS BRIGHTLY. we'll be following that up with LIVING DEAD GIRL by ROB ZOMBIE, offa HELLBILLY DELUXE. as always, it's all guitars all the time, every night of the week, damn near commercial-free, courtesy of your friends @ NEW VISION (not to be confused with the CHURCH OF THE NEW VISION).

here on the allnight show at 6.6.6 radio, where it's night time, all the time. the sun never shines here @ the black hole @ the center of the universe, where we've just finished a HOLE block. yes, we LOVE COURTNEY here @ the house that love built. that was USE ONCE AND DESTROY, HIT SO HARD, HEY YOU, and MALIBU off of the album CELEBRITY SKIN. those were dedicated to frank's mom, EMMALENE, who would have loved COURTNEY like a daughter if only she'd been able to meet her. who knows, maybe she will yet. anyways, where the hell was i headed with...oh, that's right, it's time for the official SMOKE BREAK here at the station. for all you kiddies, just so you know what to get for an offering, should you ever stop by (that means bring your own GODDAMN CIGARETTES, by the way), frank smokes MARLBOROs, CAMELs, or WINSTONs. not 'salems', for cryin' out loud, those are FOR GIRLS! MENTHOL is addictive, people, wake the **** up! it is now almost seven thirty sunday morning, time to get your lazy, hungover asses out of bed, get some coffee started, and get ready for church. don't want to go to church? too bad, you're going anyways! you've got a lot to account for, and you'd better get to it, and how! so, to start your day off right, we're going to throw on some SOUNDGARDEN. here's a trifecta of NEW DAMAGE, MIND RIOT, and DRAWING FLIES from the BADMOTORTFINGER disc. stay tuned afterwards for a word from our new sponsor, SUICIDEGIRLS.COM.

and that was EVERGLEAM, by EVERCLEAR, from the sadly neglected WORLD OF NOISE. we're going off the air for stretch, so frank can give his bro MARK a ride to the sto. he had some platelets injected into the back of his achilles tendon couple days ago, and is stuck in some ROBOCOP looking boots. we'll be back on the air soon, and we'll leave you with one last song - this one is for HARRY and YOKO. HER BRAND NEW SKIN, from SPARKLE AND FADE...

THREE

you've been listening to BRICKS by RISE AGAINST here on the frank cotton show. we'd like to ask a favor of our listeners tonight, and that is, as soon as you finish this line, print screen or highlight, and cut/paste this and save it immediately. because tommorrow, if not sooner, it will be gone, just like some of frank's recent posts from the 13th and 14th. frank has hit a sensitive nerve, and the ptb ain't happy. we have a quick public service anouncement, and then we'll return to the show. it's about truth. the truth, which is, as you X-Files fans know, out there. it's in the shows you watch, the songs you hear, and the books you read. it is NOT what you've been led to believe by your church, your news, or your government. it can be found, as some of the brightest among you have long suspected, in your favorite films, music, and other forms of entertainment. some of it is of the more mundane, but none-the-less important variety, but some of it is of the more far-fetched and unbelievable type. to be specific, it can be found in songs like I NEVER GOT TO TELL YOU WHAT I WANTED TO, by JULIETTE LEWIS AND THE LICKS, WHEN I GROW UP, by GARBAGE, or I AM THE HIGHWAY, by AUDIOSLAVE. it's in films like GREEN HORNET, THE BOOK OF ELI, and UNBREAKABLE (ain't THAT cool?). it's in books like FIGHT CLUB, SNOW CRASH, and A CATCHER IN THE RYE, which frank read for the first time when he was forty. some of it is in places you might least expect to find it, so pay attention. to EVERYTHING. to get you started, here's a few simple truths. we ARE all in this together. time is on our side. and the truth, the ACTUAL truth, will set you free. to paraphrase from a favorite film, the secret of THE GAME is to find out the secrets of the game. and here's a simple, yet vital truth and a good rule of thumb: DON'T PANIC! this is your host, frank cotton, who is heading OUTSIDE for a smoke, wishing you a pleasant night. the next song on tonight's playlist is an oldie, which you'll be hearing from time to time, and a personal favorite - SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT, by COREY HART.

FOUR

that was THE GOLDEN AGE OF GROTESQUE, from the album of the same name by everyone's favorite demon, MARILYN MANSON. and it is i, your host, frank cotton with the allnight show here on radio KALI, which is broadcast live every night from frank's mom's house on the seventh planet of the BEETLEGUEUSE (that is a bitch to spell) system. i told you i lived at home, right? first up on tonight's show, frank has to own up to prematurely freaking out last night. apparently, the ptb (powers that be) aren't on to frank yet, and he has to say that that is a big relief. maybe it was the pressure, maybe the weed, or maybe the fact that frank never sleeps, and didn't know that it was the 17th, not the 15th, that caused the problem. all the above? sure, why not. so frank freaked. he is a paranoid, and he has these episodes from time to time, and he is human. well, kind of. suffice it to say, he ****ed up. and since, apparently, no one is paying any undue attention at this time, let's just get on with the show. frank mentioned the game last night, but not the name. the game that we're all playing, commonly referred to as life. it is a test, and it is a trap, designed to weed out the true undesirables among us. but it is also about tempering, refining, and polishing. it is meant to be fun, challenging, and dangerous, and it is designed to keep your interest. and the name of the game, which is also its description, and its point, is EVERYONE GETS TO BE EVERYONE ELSE. so what do you think? frank just told you the reason we are all here, and what we will all eventually do. right here on good old AIN'T IT COOL NEWS. i can guaran-damn-tee you that no one saw that coming. and that's it, seriously. the answer you, and everyone throughout the entire history of the world has been looking for. why? why here, why now? because most of you don't have the time, or the energy, or the patience, resources and, let's face it, the ambition to find it out for yourselves. it's just too much, now. too much to do, too much to keep up with, too many cares and whatnot overloading your brain already for you to be able to even attempt to think about it much, nevermind go chasing after it. it's not your fault, it's just the way it is. sucks, really. then there's the overwhelming totality of all that information in the world you'd need to go through, bit by bit, trying to piece the puzzle together. not to mention that most of you are too plain old chicken**** to do a little dope from time to time (hey, i said a little), and expand your closed little minds a bit. and you need to know it, and you need to know it now, because the planet is rapidly spinning its way down the toilet, and if i didn't just finally get off my dead ass and do something about it, we were all pretty much ****ed. not a pretty answer, but there it is. now you know. the next question is, now that you know, what are you going to do? what should you do, assuming you don't just laugh a little, and say that frank sure is a kidder. or a psycho, or an egomaniac, etc. you should LIVE, that's what. just do what you've been doing, assuming you're not some kind of asshole, ****-up or loser, but do it better, with some real enthusiasm and devotion, because now, finally, you know that it has a purpose. to better yourselves, to fix what you know is wrong with you, to truly be the best you possibly can. that's not too hard, is it? you want to anyways, so now you have a good reason. because you will repeat your life, not the same exact one, mind, but you will live over and over again until you finally get it right. so why wait? because the sooner you get done, the sooner you get to that goal, the sooner you will be free to do whatever your heart desires, for as long as you desire it. within certain reasonable limits, of course. but that's the prize, that's what heaven really is. don't believe me? what do you think it is, harps and songs forever? **** THAT! you want to spend eternity blistering your fingers and singing praises? do you think that god deserves your eternal, undying adoration for nothing more than forcing you to live a life you didn't choose for yourself? a life that some of you maybe utterly despise? and not just that, but doing it on his terms, by his rules, under the threat of everlasting damnation for doing anything less than every single little thing exactly the way he wants you to? why, that's BULL****! and you KNOW it. that's why you quit going to church, or quit believing entirely, because you knew that couldn't possibly be right. and it's NOT. so quit worrying about it, and find something else to do with your time. and your mind. read a book, or watch a movie, or spin a disc. because that's where the truth is. and the reason it's there, is because that's where you are. and because it's far easier to learn something if it's taught in an enjoyable fashion. beats going to sunday school. frank hated that ****. as if school school wasn't bad enough! and that was todays lesson. there'll be more, if HARRY doesn't mind, and they won't all be as long-winded as this one. and before we get back to the tunes, here's a little something else to think about. call it a poem , if you will, but it was meant to be lyrics for a song. it's called MY FACE HAS CHARACTER ---
if i turn heads it is away/i didn’t ask - for this face - or this skin/i didn’t ask - for this hair - to be thin/for these teeth - this nose - this grin/no - indeed/i am not pretty/nor am i inferior/and like the racist - you can’t seem/to see past my exterior/prejudged and condemned on how i look/( i think he’s creepy )( maybe a crook )/the constant gauntlet of laughter and insults/a public exile - for all to revile/better than the mark of cain/so don’t point your finger - at least not at me/if i turn into what - you perceived me to be/laugh if you will
--- it's permanent midnight here at the station, and the night goes on forever, as does the music, when frank's not running his mouth. we get a little mellow here every now and then, 'cause the chicks dig it. here's GREEDY, by PURE, from the PUREAFUNALIA album, followed by SAFE by KITTIE off ORACLE, then MAPS by YEAH YEAH YEAHS from FEVER TO TELL. not 'the' YEAH YEAH YEAHS, OK? tune in tommorow, by the way. i'm sure we'll have something for you...

FIVE

hola, amigos! it is i, your host and mentor, your best friend and your worst enemy, frank cotton, here on the allnight show, broadcast live, all night, every night, anywhere, and everywhere, maybe even from your own personal backyard! that's right! or maybe it isn't. and that's right too, because i'm not, that's right, i'm not 'actually' in your backyard, i'm here, where i can always be found at this time of day, at the station! i told you where i really was on some other show, on some other night, right? frank lives at home, with moms, in the newly installed tenth circle of hell. yeah, right down the street from you, the convenience store, just a short drive from WALMART, from whence frank just returned. it is 1:52 in the am, and well, sorry, the show got started a little late tonite. frank needed some smokes and cold medicine. well, actually i just lied. i really didn't need the cigarettes, had a pack right here in the pocket of my favorite shirt, which i got from CAMEL,for smoking umpteen million cigarettes, after i mailed in the required number of coupons from the back of the packs. hold up, just a moment, and we'll throw on some sounds. it's too quiet here at the house, what with mom asleep, and the neighbors, and well, damn near everyone else in this old ****hole of a town, WINSTON-SALEM, NORTH CAROLINA. that is correct, frank's a rebel, but he ain't no slave owner or anything like that, he just lives here. like you do, wherever you are at this here moment in time. he lives in the back bedroom, that used to be his room when we all first moved in here. at this time, since frank's supposedly grown up and moved out, it is the cat's room. frank used to live in the basement at the old house on madison avenue, in a nice neighborhood called ARDMORE. the basement was finished, and when frank's dad BOB finally got tired of frank and his younger brother tearing all around in the upstairs rooms, he moved them down into the basement. so, yes, frank is the ORIGINAL, basement-dwelling, emo-loving morlock. not to say that frank likes EMO, HELL NO, he's not into that, he likes METAL, INDUSTRIAL, all that HEAVY music. emo is for sissies and girls, sorry, but it is true, and there is nothing you can do about it! so with that settled, and hey, if i say it is true, it is, let's get that settled right here and now. we're startin' a new feature on the show, and that is the WORD OF THE DAY. today's word is SECRETS! frank knows lot's of secrets. he knows where all the bodies are buried, hey it's true! shut the **** up donnie, right here on the wall behind frank is a picture he got from NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, where one of his best friends, ART, works, somewhere in the ART department if you can figure that. alright, already, frank will get to the point in his good godamned time, it is his time after all, as all of his long time listeners know, those few who were paying attention while the rest of you were ****ing off. and now i've lost my entire train of thought, so we're gonna take a short break here for a word from one of our sponsors. no, it's not a commercial, it's more like a plug, 'cause no one pays me **** to talk about them. BORDERS! frank loves BORDERS, and you lazy, loser slobs, waiting around to watch the world die, are letting BORDERS die! it's your fault, that's right, because you are too scared about the economy to go out and spend any money. we'll get deeper into that at some other time, but for now, suffice it to say, that BORDERS is going under, and you are sitting around doing nothing about it. so. it's your fault. so what are you going to do about it? you want to save the world? to paraphrase TEARS FOR FEARS, let's say EVERYBODY WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD. so what can you do, personally, to help save the EARTH/WORLD/PLANET on which we all live? go out and spend some money, that's what! it's all about the economy, stupid, so get to work. go out and buy something frivolous, go out and buy something expensive, just go out and buy something! right here, right now! this isn't a joke, the whole global economy is on the brink of collapse, so let's see if we can't fix it. got to start somewhere, right? so go to BORDERS, and BUY SOMETHING! and don't just buy some coffee and walk around looking at stuff; buy a CD, or a DVD, or a poster or something! ANYTHING! do you want the wheels of commerce to grind to a complete halt? do you really want to go back to the garden with nothing to do but sit around and look at the scenery all day? HELL NO! you want the future, you want CDs and DVDs and whatever comes after that! well, here's the bad news, it ain't gonna happen, the future, that is, unless we get the ball rolling again. got no cash? SO ****ING WHAT? that's what CREDIT is for, to keep things going when times get tough. the whole world is indebted to itself, thru governments and financial institutions, so who cares? everyone's broke, and 2012 is coming up soon, so let's party like it's 1999! why not? if we're all gonna die anyways, why not have a good time first? didn't anyone see THE MATRIX RELOADED? the ****'s about to hit the fan, and they decide to have a frickin' rave! sounds like a brilliant idea to me. hey, where's the music? i thought we were going to blast out some tones? so, just shut up and do it, ok? put on ALL FALL TOGETHER by BIG COUNTRY, then OUT OF CONTROL by U2. after that, i'll just plug this MP3 player in somewhere. finally, some noise! so where was i? the point? secrets? THE POSTER! that's it! frank found this picture in an old NATGEO magazine, had it blown up, and made a poster for the wall out of it. this was back in the day, as they say, and back then you couldn't get some sweet one-piece poster, no, you got a poster in nine pieces, three rows of three, kinda like a window. ok, wait, hold on, that's it. what is the point of all this? i'm getting there, just bear with me. the point is, the point is, the point is...