O String - the Greatest of Calamities

WARNING – this is HEAVILY borrowed from The Hobbit where Bilbo meets Smaug under the Mountain.
It is supposed to be a humorous parallel to that classic meeting.


The fateful day when I first encountered
the mighty String he inquired who I was and I,
not wishing to flatly refuse him or answer directly said,
“I come from the home of the setting sun and
flew here in the belly of an iron bird unscathed.
When I do meet the ground I never miss my feet.”

String replied that was hardly my usual name, so I said,
“I am mouse finder, couch cutter, darkness incarnate;
it is unlucky for you to cross my path.”

“Lovely titles!” sneered String. “How does your luck come off?”

I answered, “I am he who will not die for eight more tries,
I am invisible in the night where I do my best work.”

“Those don’t sound so creditable,” scoffed String.

“I am the friend of old ladies, bane of the rats.
I am as quick as myself; I cure pneumonia with a kiss.
I’m black lightning from head to toe, except for once
when my mischievous mistress-master peroxided this.”
(And I held up and indicated to the tip of my tail.)

“That’s better!” said the much amused String.
“But don’t let your imagination run away with you again!”