An Awakening

        My day was going along smoothly when I woke up. Nothing was familiar at first, and my eyes hurt from the light in the room. After several frantic moments of desperation and confusion I could finally focus on my surroundings and assess where I was accurately. White walls that were slightly yellowed and the smell of sterile sheets along with a remote that had a cord attached to it made me realize I was in a hospital.

         Not only did I have to grapple with the reality that my dreams, for how long I could not know, were fabrications of the reality I thought I knew, but I had no idea why I was in a hospital. I pushed the call button on the remote, but no one came. I waited for several minutes in hopes that a nurse or doctor would come and tell me that I was fine, but I laid there as my hope slowly dwindled to exasperation. There didn’t seem to be anyone walking by outside of the room or any sign that I wasn’t alone. I yelled out and my voice began cracking as my plea for help turned to tears at my realization that there was no one coming. I was alone. I grew tired quickly, but I could not fall asleep. I just lay there, lonely and pathetic, pitying myself.

         My body began to ache as I saw the sun coming up. I was dehydrated and my stomach was tormenting me with hunger pains. I had no idea when the last time I ate was because my dreams were so real that I had no idea which past was real and which was not. I had no recollection of any event that would have led to me being in the hospital so I waited impatiently for someone to come by my room to tell me what had happened. I didn’t want to move. I can’t figure out why that was; whether I was sore or just overwrought with self-pity, I still do not know.

         The sun was getting fainter and fainter. I could tell the day was almost over and I still hadn’t seen or heard anyone. I looked at the table next to the bed again to find there was no phone. I thought that was odd, but it didn’t faze me as much as it should have. I was just concerned with getting something to eat and drink and figuring out what the hell happened. When I finally decided to get out of the bed my legs gave out. I picked myself up off the floor, because I knew that no one would come for me. I walked to the door and was overcome by anger and frustration, yet I was relieved. Nothing was wrong with me, but the building was empty outside of the room. I could not begin to revisit the thoughts that were running through my head, mostly because I was running down the stairwell, and I was finally outside. I looked at the building that I laid helpless in for so long only to see that it was abandoned.

         I was disgusted with myself for believing that I was in a hospital, for believing that the dream I awoke from was so realistic that I became uncertain of my memories. Never was there a moment that I was happier to see a person than when I turned away from that building and stepped into a café to use their phone. Although I was still uncertain of the accuracy of my memories, or my reality, I called my apartment. Everyone was there - my girlfriend, my family, a couple of my close friends. They weren’t certain that I was still alive because I had been missing for days. I explained to them where I was for the time that I could account for, and I began to realize that my own fear had prevented me from taking a simple step back into everything I was certain of.

      That room was the reason I was so famished and the reason I doubted everything I thought I knew, but that room was false. It was a re-creation of a familiar place that I put my trust in. I remained confident with the fact that this room was something it was not, and because of that confidence I lost all of the confidence I should have had in determining that the room was part of what led me to this self-deception. Perhaps I should have been disgusted with the fact that I was so hesitant to get out of that bed, but I was just glad to have gotten out of it at all. Now i just have to figure out why I was there in the first place and who put me there.