Still in Progress

Still in Progress

It’s always amazes me how the day after Christmas you're either so exited and want to play with all your toys you've just received or you find yourself shopping for more, more of what? What possibly more can one have? Or if that isn't the case, you find yourself alone. You’re either alone in a room full of family who you can't stand to be around or you feel that they don't know you or your miles from the family you love and miss. Then you think, was this year everything I wanted it to be, Christmas is over and New Years is only days away and a New Year will Reign. Have I accomplished my goals? Have I fulfilled my dreams, or have I let down everybody around me including myself, especially myself?

Hard words to think about, but we all do them around this time of year. Making goals... making resolutions; that might be easy, it’s the keeping them that sometimes feels impossible. Is it that we don't believe in the goals to begin with? We didn't sit down hard enough and think about what we really wanted to change in our lives? Change is something that we can't just do on the outward. It’s something that has to start from the inside, it’s hard; requires a lot of discipline to change. It doesn't happen overnight or scary enough a year later the change still is in progress. So we feel that we failed. We usually give up before seeing the rewards of the change. Why do we have so little faith in ourselves?

Yes! It’s been a hard year. I'll be the first to admit it's been one of my hardest years in my life, which is a troublesome thing to say. I'm 33, I'm not old, in standards of society, but I'm not young in the eyes of my daughters. I'm only 33, yet I've already gone through menopause in my 20's, survived cancer and many surgeries, but I don't want to just survive.

Raising children is a challenging and rewarding double edge sword, most of the time you have no idea what you’re doing, but trying with all your heart. Raising them majority of the time alone comes with its own set of struggles. We all walk this line, this path that's set before us. Mine well; I'm not going to say I don't get frustrated. Many days I feel like raising my hands and giving up, but what would I be giving up? On my daughters; Never! I will constantly come up with new approaches and solutions when all the blocks come crashing down. I will stack and mend and be the cornerstone for my family, as I have always been. Even when you feel invisible, continue to stand. Sometimes people only notice the house is falling apart when the cornerstone is crumbling. They never notice it standing before supporting the weight on their shoulders. So that's what I'll do, I'll continue to stand. Believe and have faith and don't give up; hard words to swallow on some days; especially with the tears.

I'm looking forward to a New Year, to new beginnings; to be inspired and to inspire others. Believing in dreams that reach beyond the stars and not being afraid to grasp them. What are your goals for the New Year? Well mine for start is to write it down. Maybe not my #1, but when it comes to lists do we ever get a chance to check them all off. I'll explain, what does write it all down mean? If you ask me what I wanted to be when I was a little girl, around my daughter’s age and older, I would say a "writer". Somewhere between then and now; life happened and I stopped writing: My journals, my poems, my songs. My inspiration was no more, but during this year of transformation, a vein opened up within my heart and passion once again began to flow, with it words; words of pain, words of hope, words of loss, words of journey. So back in June, I started writing, writing for the first time in over 10 years. I began to write a story, a story that has not been finished; a story that is still in progress. I'm on chapter 4, chapter 4 for awhile, but I won't let that stop me. I will finish, I will finish for me. So my goals, my resolution this year is to write it down. When I feel like I'm crashing to the floor or floating to the sky with excitement, I'll write it down; because I sat for many years mute to my passions and because I did, I closed off. I stopped breathing in a way you would suffocate a child. I suppressed all my talents, all my ambitions and with that I lost the ability to see with my creative eyes and open heart. But now, I see with new eyes and a new heart. With it comes lots of emotions and old hurts and sorrows I've hidden away to get through, comes back to distract me from my goals. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm not just surviving anymore. I want to live, live and write.

Believing in oneself is sometimes one of the hardest things to do.  We doubt our abilities on a daily basis, but trusting and knowing you can, like the train that never gave up and continued on. Understanding we may never, but breathing, while I'm breathing I will continue, despite all that this next year may bring. Remember that each year there are ups and downs, and sharp bends in the road. When you’re in the valley look for the inspiration to pull you through; I suggest looking up.  In a valley with mountain all around, you can't see through the mountains but you can see over it. When you're on the mountain top remember to inspire those around you and in the valley. We were all there once and need the inspiration to find our way out. There will be times in our lives when we take that sharp bend, that change of direction that alters the course of the path were on, our lives and our destination forever; It’s scary, confusing, frustrating, exciting, and required. In order to continue on any journey you must keep going, bending, even sharp (painful) bends, without them our journey would be over, to stop continuing on or bend ( life throws us plenty of bends in the road) the road would cease and we would fall head first with the cliffs of decisions. Some decisions we made, some we had no control over, the journey I guess is how we continue on. Like I said, I'm still a work in progress, my journey isn't over.

With the year coming to end and a new one days ahead; our journey isn't over because the calendar has flipped another page. Our dreams aren't automatically fulfilled because one year is passed and our, to do list weren't checked off. Our goals shouldn't be based on a number of days to fulfill the desires of one's hearts. Your goal is to dream, make wishes and strive to accomplish your purpose and grasp all your dreams. Don't settle or stop, continue to inspire. Inspire yourself and others; together this New Year will be bright and rewarding.

Happy New Year
Stay Inspired
Christina