PDG mock review for class. |
WHY I'M REVIEWING FOR YOU Group/purpose: I am reviewing your work as a student of the Rockin' Review Academy! Title:n/a Description:n/a I LIKE What and why: I havn't read a lot of fiction/fantasy type of writing, however I am getting more familiar with this genre. The plot is interesting because; this seems to be a community or clan of beings who have a class system and some kind of means to move up with in the class system. Rhythm: The rhythm has a great amount of potential which can be fixed by moving some words, sentence phrases, and some sentences around to create a magical and exciting reading experience which reads very smoothly. You wove the story together with great imagination and personality. The ending was something I could relate to and gave me reason to smile. I learned about you through your story. You have a good sense of humor in the way you describe trying to not fall down on the way to the platform. SUGGESTIONS AND COMMENTS You wrote: "Really, it was..." I would delete really because it does not help convey your idea in the sentence, or I would use a more descriptive word to convey physical action or action of a thought. Your story has a lot of life and interest so, it is well worth reading many times. While you are reading it, consider your sentence structure, grammar, and spelling. This story is beautiful and can be made more beautiful by making these necessary changes. I will be glad to help you with this if you want the help. Please ask and we can work on this together. I learned about you through your story. CONCLUSION(S) My thoughts and Impressions: I believe this story has great potential to grow and be expanded if you are interested in creating more similar stories. It reminds me of a grown up fairy tail in some ways. It is to me a light hearted story which can put a smile on my face as well as other readers. Let your imagination have it's freedom and keep writing. ** Image ID #1739559 Unavailable ** |