In the Dark

Being in the dark have been there so long ever since I was at least 6-years-old. I have been trapped there in the dark with the creatures of the darkness beating me down and telling me that I would never amount up to anything. I will never find love or anyone to love me for who I am but they will only love me for what I have. They laugh at me and my thoughts for finding love myself knowing that someday I will be true. But once day turns to night and they come out they say things. Such awful things to me. Me never finding love and never being with that someone who I can call the love of my life. It’s like I know he is out there I knew he was out there. But, till I found him I was in the darkness, balled up in the corner, crying more on the inside then on the outside. Because I didn’t want people asking me what was wrong or was I okay. Because frankly everyone has their own problems and I was sure that they didn’t want to hear my sob story of never finding love. Because I knew that they would give me the same answer I been hearing almost my whole life. "He is out there looking for you." or "There is always someone for everyone." AT the time I didn’t think that was true enough, so I got tired of hearing the same thing in different sayings so I didn’t ask anyone anymore. Or didn’t tell them what my problem was. But, then when I was at my breaking point, I would tell anyone that would listen what my problem was. Once again I got the same sayings but different words. And even though he bothered me I still wanted to hear what they were saying. Thinking that it may have been helpful or true. At the most part I understood what they had to say I understood what I had to do. And so I did it and found the one guy who was for me until the day I messed up and lost his trust now he doesn’t trust me at all, and I tried to get it back but it’s too hard and I kept trying and trying. Then I had this weak moment and he really did break up with me. I have never begged and pleaded so hard to have him give me another chance. However, he did under some conditions and I still broke those. My family asks why am I still with him. I tell them because I love him so much that it doesn’t make any sense what so ever. IS it possible that I have a problem with letting go the people that I love the most or is it fear that I may not find someone like him?