The Gay's Plan Failed

The Gay’s Plan Failed
by chip
A gay frustrated, by his man losing his alimony tries for revenge.

The play begins with the audience viewing a darkened stage; the lights fade in on Lieutenant Vibes, who has his own private investigation business, but because he is a retired government detective, contracts out some work to the city.

There is a desk and a chair downstage right, but the remainder of the set stays in darkness while the first scene goes on in Vibes' office. The rest of the set is a street with a functional door and a window as part of a house.

Vibes is playing a computer game when a young woman in her mid-twenties enters.

Woman: Pardon me, sir, are you Detective Vibes?

Vibes: [Stops playing the game.] That’s what everyone calls me, but some call me a bastard. May I be of some assistance?

Woman: I need help from a private detective; the police are doing all they can, but a private investigator may be the person that may help the most.

Vibes: Good that's what I am here for, to be of help. It's the police that calls me a bastard, but even they call on me for help. What do you want me to do?

Woman: I want my daughter back.

Vibes: Where is she?

Woman: I want you to find out that answer yourself.

Vibes: All right are you willing to spend $1,500 to open your case and get me going?

Woman: Fifteen hundred dollars? OK, but for that amount, when this is all over, you send me prospective clients. [The woman writes a check.] Here and take some of my business cards to give out.

Vibes: Lady, do you have any clues?

Woman: The post office box number where I had been sending the alimony.

Vibes: Good, write it here on one of your cards; that’s what I’m going to use ‘em for, note taking on your case.

Woman: Detective, I am a divorced computer consultant, who has been shafted by the court into paying my, not gay, husband $500 per month alimony. I paid for a year, now, but stopped last month. I believe it is Rogers’s lover boy, Jason, who took Nancy, my daughter.

Vibes: How did the court rule regarding your child?

Woman: I won full custody; Roger may not see her

Vibes: You sent your alimony checks to the post office box number your husband, Roger, gave you?

Woman: Right.

[Hands woman a form.]

Vibes: Fill this out, write the post office box number down, and telephone me at this number in three hours, if I haven’t contacted you first.

[Hands her his card]

Woman: Could you tell me why I should continue paying my ex now that he has gained tremendously high paying work? His salary makes mine look like my girls' weekly allowance.

Vibes: You never will pay again if what you suspect is true. If Roger's lover boy, Jason, has taken Nancy, the judge will besides try the kidnapping, false arrest-extortion case, revoke the alimony court order.

Woman: Here’s the form, now what?

Vibes: [Looking over form.] Ms. Deborah Jensen, a computer specialist who resides at 232 Francisco Ave., here in the City, the refuge of Gays.

[Vibes begins to put on his coat when Deborah's cellular phone rings.]

[Voice heard by audience] Resume paying the alimony or you never will see Nancy again.

Vibes: [Jumps over to Deborah, on her offering the telephone to him.] Who is it?

Deborah: It's Jason; he wants the checks to resume if I want to see Nancy again.

Vibes: Tell him you will bring him the money now. Where can you meet him?

Deborah: [Over the phone.] Where are you? I'll bring the money; you give Nancy back.

Voice: Send it to the post office box, and continue doing so, or else.

Vibes: [Takes the telephone into his hand.] Hello, this is Nancy’s Grandpa. We want her back (crying as an overly distraught grandpa would). We want her back now. How may we have her back, now?

Voice: Deborah had better get the check in the U.S. Mail; if not, you will be hearing from me again.
[Click, the stranger hangs up the phone]

Vibes: [Writing down the number that is on Deborah's cellular. He dials the number.] [In an Italian
accent.] Hello? This Antonio's Pizza, did you just call? We no have a diet coke; you like diet Pepsi?

[Different Voice over the telephone an African male one.] I love pizza; you bringing pizza here, man? Hurry up; my clothes are in the in the drying cycle.

Vibes: This a coin laundry?

[Voice] Hope so, man; I put coins in the slot, and I don’t see no cherries or 7’s going around.

Vibes: Did you see anybody using this phone?

Voice: Heh, heh, if you want to deliver a pizza here, you are out of luck. The guy and the little girl left. Heh, heh, heh. [Click, the stranger hangs up]

[Vibes slams the phone down]

Vibes: Come on Deborah, go home. I may be calling you there soon.

[Vibes picks up the receiver to his phone, dials--listen, then:]

Vibes: Hey, Val! How have you been, Val? Val, I need a favor and a missing child, and I may be eternally grateful to you. I need the address of the renter of a Post Office Box. I have the box's number.

Val: I need for you to forget about me giving any more information to you or any other private investigator. Sgt. Finke, my boss, has sternly warned me that if he ever finds out that I gave any of the citizens' data to anyone, I will be homeless within a year.

Vibes: Look, I have a fifty-dollar bill with your name on it, Val.

Val: Give it to Sgt. Finke.

Vibes: The law doesn't mind me knowing any of our citizen's business if I use it to solve crimes. Finke is not concerned about the citizens' business, what Finke wants is to put me out of business. If this little girl who I am trying to find is hurt because you wouldn’t help her, man your conscience won’t let you sleep for a decade. Now, the box number is 3840, S.F., CA-tell me where the renter lives.

[Val has hung up, Vibes hears the dial tone.] [Vibes tries to call Val again, but Val doesn't answer.]

[Vibes looks in his telephone directory and finds another number to call for help. He calls the number]

Vibes: Hello Morrie, Vibes. How are you doing?

Morrie: Fine, Gene, you?

Vibes: Sir, I'm searching for a missing little girl, and I need a favor. I want to learn the address the renter of a local post office; this info may crack the case.

Morris: No way, Jose. If the rest of the board of supervisors would learn what I did, forget about not having a prayer, I wouldn't even have a name. By, by Vibes.

[Morris hangs up-Vibes tries another number]

Vibes: Hello, Jeanie, how’s the baby? Oh, I’m glad she got over it. No one needs a cold. Jeanie, is Willie there?

Willie: Hello detective, what makes a good guy like you contact a computer criminal like me?

Vibes: I need to catch a kidnapper, and you are the only man on earth who I can trust to help me. You need to hack into the San Francisco Post Office Box renters’ lists and find out who is renting box number 3840. I need the name and address ASAP.

Willie: Someone kidnapped a person?

Vibes: A little six-year-old girl, who's daddy turned out to be a gay, was taken. I think his lover boy got the girl, Nancy.

Willie: What’s it worth to you?

Vibes: I'll give you half of my earnings on this case.

Willie: Half of your earnings, no way, man. This hack job is on me, detective. I wouldn't take a dime for helping in this one. You wait by your telephone; I'll call you in ten minutes. What is your number?

Vibes: 358-3623.

[Willie hangs up.] [Short time interval] [Vibes cleans his desk awaiting Willie’s call.]

Vibes: [Hearing his telephone ring picks up the receiver.] Hello.

Willie: Jason Blankman, at 831 Jordan Street; that’s just off California Street, detective.

Vibes: Jason Blankman at 831 Jordan. Good; I’m going there now.

[Lights fade out on office and up on street.]

[Vibes is sitting in his car across from the house. Note: make the door functional.]

Vibes: [Over cellular.] Deborah? Good, this is Lt. Vibes. I contacted a friend in the Post Office. The holder of the box where you send the checks gave 831 Jordan as his address. I've been staked out here for about an hour and a half. I'm in my customized Lamborghini across the street from the place. Come over here, now. The cross street is California. You know what a customized Lamborghini looks like, don't you? OK. Well, it looks just like an old green 89 Chevy, four-door sedan.

[Enter a man, Jason, and a little girl, Nancy, who is resisting and putting up a fuss. They enter up stage left and walk to center stage left where they go through the door to the house.]

Girl crying: “I want my mommy, I want my mommy.

Vibes: [Into his small tape recorder.] At 1210 completed the interview with the client. At: 1320 gained
knowledge of address of suspect. At: 1410 began staking out the address of 831 Jordan. At: 1530 contacted
Deborah requesting her assistance and asked her to 1012 my Rolls Royce. At: 1533 observed a man and a girl enter 831 Jordan the girl was crying, “I want my Mommy, I want my Mommy.” Current time is 1545. [Puts tape recorder away.]

[Vibes begins his observing again. [To show passage of time 40 minutes,] lights progressively fade (ever so slowly.

Enter Deborah: [Deborah gets into Vibes’ car and joins the quiet.]

Vibes: I saw a man and a small girl who was crying: "I want my Mommy, I want my Mommy" enter the house forty minutes ago.

[Deborah, on hearing the news, tries to jump out of Vibes Chevy only to be stopped by Vibes.]

Vibes: Woman do you want to get Nancy hurt? Listen to me Ms. Jensen! Did you and Nancy ever play any outdoor games as hide and seek, skate board games, race games or other ones?

Deborah: You listen, Vibes, I want my daughter. [She pauses] There is a race called, “Win the Cheese.”
Nancy plays the game with her friends, while I am the delegated referee and prize giver. I give the cheese to the winner; actually, it's not cheese, but a blue ribbon.

Vibes: Deborah, you open your window, and I’ll open mine. We will yell out, as kids playing, “Win the Cheese, Win the Cheese.” Then we’ll duck down and peep over at the house. All right?

Deborah: All right.

[Both, Vibes and Deborah] "Win the Cheese, Win the Cheese." [They both duck down.]

[Nancy appears at the window, and soon disappears.]

[Deborah begins to yell out, Nan… Vibes put his hand over her mouth.]

Vibes: Woman, you will get us killed. I haven't a warrant to enter that residence, if you run in you will endanger Nancy, and the suspect will disappear. The result will be ten times worse than now.

Deborah: What next?

Vibes: We know Nancy, currently, has access to that window. Give me your scarf. [Deborah takes off her small, blue scarf, and hands it over. Vibes folds it into a semblance of a ribbon.]

Vibes: Now, mother, take this ribbon, walk over there by that hedge and yell, “Win the Cheese, Win the Cheese.” If and when Nancy looks out again, you wave that ribbon especially vigorously.

Deborah: All right. [Deborah sprints to stage right center-across from the window; she waves the ribbon. She yells:] 'Win the Cheese, Win the Cheese' while waving the makeshift blue ribbon.

[Nancy appears at the window, and on seeing her mother, turns and runs {happens off stage} down toward the front door.]

[Nancy shows up at the door and is seen running across the street to her mom, saying, "Mommy, Mommy."]

[Deborah swishes her daughter up and into Vibes' old Chevy. Vibes drives off saying over his radio]:

Vibes: Dispatch? Detective Vibe right, send back ups...address: 831 Jordan quickly. Send more than two officers.

[Vibes now off stage with passengers.]

[Stage empty.]

Voice [off stage, Jason's voice] Nancy, Nancy where are you, Dear, my little Dear? She's gone!

Enter: [Two officers (in uniform) they bang on the door.] A shot is heard, Jason is seen firing from the window.]

1st Officer: I'm being wounded. I'm wounded.

2nd Officer: [Over radio] Dispatch, this is Unit 16, "Officer down, Unit 18 is down." A shooter fired on us from a window at 831 Jordan. Send back ups. {2nd officer drags 1st officer out of sight of the line of fire}]

Enter Vibes: [Goes over to officers. Officer 1 is writhing in pain.]

1st Officer: The shot came from the window. [He points.]

Vibes: Heaven help Jason. [Vibes dashes into the house.] [Bang, bang, bang he fires three shots]

Voice of Jason in an unmistakably gay tone: ‘Damn you, cops. You stupid pigs." [a dummy simulating Jason's body] falls out of the window.]

[Vibes emerges, unharmed, from the door.]

[Enter a policeman and technicians]

[Policemen puts the wounded officer in a wheelchair and pushes it off stage.]

[Two technicians remove the dummy on a stre tche r as if is Jason's dead body.]



Word Ct: 2271