My Death

As I lay dying in a pool of my own blood, it was so clear to me how easily this might have been avoided. It’s not like I didn’t know my crazy ass husband was capable of this.
         
He repeatedly told me, “I would kill you and that bastard if you ever cheat on me!” I mean, you really can’t get any clearer then that, right? Well, obviously not for me.
         
By now you can guess what I did. However, if you share my special brand of morbid curiosity, you are wondering the how, the when, the with who, and the why the fuck.
         
Well it’s all quite simple really. Wife has child and gains weight. Husband then of course losses interest. Then…well at this point I believe you need a few more juicy details.
         
I , as you have already guessed, am a woman. I’m 25, still pretty young. My name is irrelevant but you can call me Kitty. I had a beautiful baby girl and unfortunately packed on a couple of pounds. At first, my husband and I were alright. Sex life  wasn’t what it used to be but we still were pretty much active. Until we weren’t! I would hear excuses like “I’m tired,” “I have a headache.” Most nights he would pretend to be asleep before I went to bed. I mean REALLY!!! WTF!!! The roles seemed to be reversed. Shouldn’t I be making those excuses?!
         
One thing you have to understand about my husband is that he is athletic. He literally has energy for days. And I consider myself a logical woman capable of at least solving any easy-medium puzzle you through my way. So I was able to put the pieces together rather quickly and knew something was not right. This Pendejo (for those of you who are bilingually impaired; that means punk) was cheating or ((gasp)) he just wasn’t interested.
         
Luck for me, I happened to have the only set of balls in this marriage. Therefore, I decided to confront my husband about my findings. And this man lay there and had the audacity to say that I had gained too much weight. He was no longer attracted to me. That I was a turn off!!!
         
Well I have never… I was completely taken aback; appalled even. And what can a modern, educated women do but ball up into the fetal position and cry her eyes out? My husband of 3 years and 7 years of dating before that, was not even attracted to me.
         
Some people reading this might think, oh well she should just loose some weight. What you guys don’t know, and it’s the foundation of my argument and anger, is that up until I confronted him about it my husband was telling me lies. He would insist that he loved me just the way I was. He didn’t care about my weight he would tell me . And my favorite, “ If you want to loose weight Baby, do it because you want to because I want you just the way you are now.” When I stated this fact to him in a very loud voice unbecoming of a woman, he replied that they were “motivational lies.” In his logic, this should have motivated me to loose weight. “You should have known what I meant,” he said. WHAT?! That makes not fucking sense, am I right?
         
But I digress; where was I? Oh yeah, I’M FAT! My self esteem is literally crap. So I go on all the diets known to man and fail everyone of them. All the while my husband is making comments along the lines of “I deserve a beautiful woman.” and “What is so hard about loosing weight?”  I guess “motivational” comments are out the window.
         
Alright, I now feel the need to check on my readers. You now know the “why the fuck.” The how, when, and the with who are to follow shortly, don’t despair.
         
So at this point in time, I’m married and lonely and completely hating myself. So any compliment thrown my way would do to give a glimmer of hope for the future. But of course, as with most things you desperately want, one doesn’t come. Therefore, I keep going through life depressed and unloved.  This is where a bad situation takes a turn for the worst.
         
One day I’m having a conversation with this man at work. We’ve always been friendly. Always had easy conversations. But on this day his eyes are following me like a hawk. He licking his lips as he is talking to me like he can already taste me. And then he slowly gets up, puts his hand gently on my face and leans in. With his lips barely an inch away from mine he whispers, “Kiss me.” Well what is a lonely girl to do but obey? Right? And then I wake up!!! I could have screamed, and I almost did, if not for fear of waking my idiot husband beside me. I lay back down practically panting. Excited like I haven’t been in a dangerously long time. The dream felt so real that I can almost feel this man in front of me in the dark.
         
After a whole lot of deep breathing, I fall back into a fitful sleep but the damage is already done. I wake up thinking about him. Oh wait, he might need a name. Ok lets call him something dark, sensual, and smooth like his black skin. We will call him Midnight, to reference one of my favorite books “Coldest Winter Ever” by Sister Souljah.
         
Midnight is on my mind all day. I see him at work and manage to have a normal conversation without jumping him. I figure this thing, whatever it is, will pass. “It’s still fresh.” I tell myself. Wrong!!! As days and weeks pass by my infatuation just gets stronger and my imagination just gets more vivid.
         
I mean the things I was imagining are downright shameful. I am a married woman, I shouldn’t be imagining Midnight taking me in my cubicle or in his cubicle for that matter. I was obsessing about kissing him at the very least and having sweet, hot sex with him at the most. So much so , that without realizing it I had set a goal in my mind to make it happen.
         
Brace yourselves Bitches and Gentle Fucks, here comes the How.
         
We used to hang out with the same people in the after work scene. However, since my husband’s declaration of disgust I’ve been too depressed to go anywhere. Well not anymore! My new found obsession had to become a reality. I just had to get my piece of Midnight. So I invited myself to the next Friday outing and it went prefect.
         
Keep in mind that I had to approach this with caution. I knew Midnight was currently single but I was not sure if he was into me at all. That being said; I am about to sound very conniving, I hope your image of me won’t be forever tainted.
         
We all had a great time and I made sure to had a little too much to drink. Too much so that I needed a ride home but not enough to get sloppy. At the end of the night I asked Midnight for a ride home and he accepted. Fuck yeah!!! In his car we were having the easy, natural conversation that we always have. Then I made my move.
         
Now, as previously established, I am a woman, I’m not going to just lean in and try to kiss him or put my arm around him. I have to be a little more subtle. I turned to him and asked if he was tired. He said that he wasn’t tired at all. I then told him that I was a little too restless to go home as of yet and would he like to hang out for a while longer.
         
He glanced over at me and was silent for just a moment. I of course was holding my breath. He then smiled and said that he would love to. Ahhh!! Excuse me while I throw in another Fuck Yeah!!!
         
We ended up sitting in a bar just talking to each other for 3 hours!!! It was all I could do now to grab him and get the kiss I wanted so desperately. But I’m a fucking Lady and I kept it together.
         
I know what you’re asking yourself at this moment. Did you get your kiss Kitty? And the answer is…….No. I know I know, BOO! He drove me home. I made him promise to call me when he got home so I’d know he got there safely. During that call is when I took things to the next step.
         
I shyly told him that I had something to confess to him.  (Your experience with me so far might not reveal any hint of shyness, but trust me, I’m very much the shy person.) I told him that the whole while we were together I wanted to kiss him. I had to say hello into the line a couple of times before he responded. He told me he was just shocked. That he had felt the same way and not just tonight. He had kept his distance because I’m married. Well color me surprised!
         
He went on to say that he thought I was beautiful. He had always had a bit of a crush on me. When I went on to point out the obvious, my weight. He told me that he liked it on me. That he was glad I had gained weight because he liked his women bigger.
         
The whole thing felt surreal, and he said as much. We had so much in common and we had an infatuation on each other. How much luckier can I get? As it happens, a lot luckier.
         
The next day at work, was all about sneaked glances and unnecessary visits to each other cubicles. He asked me to hang out with him after work that day. I went of course. After some hesitation, we kissed. It was perfect! His big lips completely covered mine. They were soft and supple. He smelled completely of man and excitement. I loved every minute of it.
         
However, very very soon kissing wasn’t enough. We had been out every day that week. Making out in his car like teenagers. He touched me everywhere, we needed more room. We both just needed more. I faked a Saturday shift that weekend and it should have been prefect. But guilt made me back out that first time. Although he told me that it was alright. He asked me if I would let him taste me. And that is exactly what he did. His mouth felt divine on me. He ate me, making me tremble all over. He made me come so hard that day I could barely stand it.

In retrospect, I should have gone all the way that day. I should not have given my husband a second thought. But no biggie. We made up for it with each and every time we sneaked to a hotel or to his house. I can go on and on about how perfect he is for me. How we make each other go crazy. He confessed to me that no other woman had ever made him feel the way I did.  I of course told him the same. Now, I don’t claim to be a force in bed but we just fit. We were made to do what we did. It was meant to be . We fall in love and everything is perfect.

Alright, my favorite people in the whole wide world because you’ve actually stuck around this far and that means you actually might like this story, here is how we progress to my slowly dying on the floor of my home.

My lover, my Midnight sends me a text message one night. “Good night my love.” My husband sees it before I can delete it. Lord have mercy on my soul now. He flips out! “How dare you?” he screams. I of course enraged by his reaction yell back, “Well you haven’t fucked me in way over a year. Did you expect me to just sit and wait until you came around?” And then it gets just plain scary. No more words from him. Just an intense stare and the sick smile on his face  as punch after punch connects on whichever part of my body he can reach.

I’m down. I’m so down I can’t scream for help anymore. My baby girl mercifully, sleeps right through it all in her room. After he has had his fill of punches, he goes into the kitchen to get a knife. I find enough strength to pick up my phone beside me and call Midnight. I tell him to just listen, “ I am about to die. My husband found out and he has beat me down so well I am surprised I can even say any of this. I love you and I truly regret that it all has to end like this. Please don’t blame yourself. You made me very happy. Now you have to be happy for me. I truly love you.”

My husband comes into the room then and stabs me twice in the heart. The last thing I hear as I am laying in a pool of my own blood reliving this past year and half in my head is Midnight’s heart-wrenching scream on the other side of the phone.
Sad right? And I’m sorry guys, there’s no last minute savior that comes to my rescue. I die rather quickly after the knife slices into my heart. Bitter, sweet and tragic; just how life can sometimes be.

The End