The Tide That Once Was

The Tide That Once Was

Chapter 1
Falling Fall


Fall was now a certainty. The trees embraced the wind as lovers do, when they seize one another, and the leaves were just sliding on the streets, like waves on the ocean. The clouds helped in shaping the grey costume that nature wears with such pride every once in a while. I guess that, not many enjoy the true beauty of this season, with all it’s characteristics; like the frosty air that makes your lungs shiver after taking deep breaths, or the sun who promises few hours of daylight, yet only enough to make you smile in dark times. Fall is like the unattractive friend who never lets you down, the sculpture that looks horrible from a far distance, but when you reach up close, you can’t help but stare at all the details that shape its complexity. I always thought there was something so unifying about this season, as if, in a sort of mystical way, it held the power to bring people together. I don’t know, but certainly, the month was October.


***


Far across the grey landscape, right beneath the shadow produced by the oak tree and the scattered trash lying all over the road, stood a man with nothing but his will. He was not sure if his shallow thoughts were just a reflection of his personality, but somewhere in-between his heart and mind, he knew what he was now forced to become. The outcome of his previous actions was slowly reaching his mind, for he understood that his mistakes were following him elsewhere. The rough breeze of autumn blew and pushed his trembling body, still he held his balance. But for how long could he resist the unkindness of the wind?
The two barrels of his loaded shotgun shed tears of warm blood mixed with gunpowder near his shoes. The car accident he’d just survived had caused him a whole lot of pain, but he did not seem to care really; for he could only wonder about on his ultimate action. In a dawdling gesture, he took his eyes off of the horizon and stared down at his weapon; if not his soon redemption.

“But this would be too easy, right?” he thought.

An attempt to fix the broken parts of ones life was not an easy task for a man in this position. At this point, he had no actual reason to live. What he once wanted what he once dreamed was now lost. Enhanced by the misery of his past; destroyed by his fear of falling. But sometimes the reason why some fall is in fear itself. Of course he wanted to stay – here, alone. To keep a grasp on time; to play with the notion like you can with a movie – gently going back and forth. Yet, the idea of life was drifting away in his mind and even though his spirit kept on fighting, in the end, his soul was bleeding. He saw it like trying to stop winter from happening.

“You can’t stop the seasons, Poe. It’s like destiny”, he remembered, “Don’t try to control just float, big brother”.

Soon after, the weapon triggered and the loud noise echoed for what seemed like eternity in his head; only in the distance could one distinguish the whisper of a raven, moaning about the loss; for only a raven cried that day.


***


He finally opened his eyes in midair, uncertain of his destination. Then the man gazed upon his surroundings as a new born child would; amazed with no less than sheer beauty. On one side everything was vanilla; there were gigantic mountains and clouds shaped like angel feathers spread around. A perfect blue sky completed the whole scenery. This part of the sky was pure; it gave hope at first sight.
On the other side however, one could only see the shadows, for they were dominant. Dark, empty, endless; the man did not feel comfortable about it. Some aura of pain covered the whole thing, leaving its viewer vacant.

So the man fell; right in the middle of both worlds. He noticed the connection between the two: grey clouds like bridges, held by nothing but air. A ray of hope crossed his eyes at that moment and vanished somewhere in his mind. Then he heard:

“It seems you have a talent for observation”, a voice echoed.
“Where am I?”
“You are falling” the voice answered.
“Where to?”
“It depends”
“If I’m falling, why can’t I see the ground? I’m afraid of heights.”
“Well”, the voice said “Because your destination has yet to be chosen, Edgar”
“How come you know my name?”
“I know a lot about you”
“Like what?”
“You’ve just killed yourself.”

The words left a hole in Edgar’s stomach; he could sense both his breath being taken away from him, and his hands tremble impulsively.

“That… That’s not true… Listen I just want be left in peace”
“Maybe, but I can’t let you go like that”
“Like what?” Edgar said.
“What do you know about guilt… about despair?”
“Nothing that I’d like to share with a random voice in my head”
“Well, if I’m not mistaken, you’re answering”
“And I’m going to stop. Now leave me!”
“You’ve killed yourself because of guilt, because of despair.” The voice said.
“Stop it.”
“These things have brought you to a ledge where you’ve slipped.
“No…”
“Emotions are odd, you know, they can make you accomplish anything. Sometimes even the least expected of human can turn into a madman. The truth is you’re all just boring people subjected to high emotions. In your case, it is that guilt which drove you back then; that altered you. But the real question is: did it define you?”

Edgar could not find the words to answer, for his self was dazzled by what he had heard. Since he was in mid air, powerless, his options were pretty slight. So he gathered what strength was left in him and said:

“What do you want from me!?”
“What I want from you?”
“Yes!”
“I want you to make a choice”

The man felt discouraged and tired, yet his hands weren’t trembling anymore. He still managed to breathe on a regular basis, but he could hear his heart pound into his chest again and again. Nevertheless he replied:

“How can I make a choice if there is no issue?”
“It’s pretty simple really… let me introduce myself and then we’ll talk”

The cold voice hadn’t received an answer, so it went ahead:

“For ages the idea of me has been forgotten, buried somewhere underneath fear and sin. To this day, my nobles are still tracked and killed. Some are burnt; others hanged; the luckiest ones receive both. Some say I’m not to be trusted… and… and maybe they’re right.” the voice made a pause and then carried on, “To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if I know myself anymore. Sometimes I question the purpose it serves to keep on fighting. This battle… my battle… reaches far beyond good and evil, and has lost its meaning a long time ago. For to long have I wandered in the darkness. My mind doesn’t think the way it used to. I feel… misplaced“

Edgar noted how the voice pronounced his words; they were all spoken in great tedium. Although misplaced had a broad feeling behind it, the man kept his concentration and continued listening.

“Though there is one idea who shields me still. One who’s simple power kept me alive for all this time… belief. Belief is the very essence of this alternate world; it has shaped the mountains, the clouds, everything… even me. Now my nemesis has gathered his forces and has become so powerful that he is now… invincible. He has doomed me into this underworld for eternity…and… I feel ashamed, for I was powerful once. I had… control, and… well, in spite of all these realities, I still dream of hope. Yes, into my unmistakable centuries of solitude, I laid my eyes on earth in search of answers. I hope that one day my named will be cleared of all these unjustified titles. So… what am I...?”

Belief caught the air the same way imagination seized Edgar’s heart. For a short moment, the man’s grasp on reality had been shaken, for he could not be sure if all this conversation was real. In an odd way, Edgar saw small bits of resemblance to his life, during the time he listened to the voice; as if he understood his pain. Again he guessed the answer to the voice’s question, but just the thought of it made the whole scene a tad unbelievable. So he spoke in small words:

“The devil”
“My name is Lucifer, the voice said, “Hell is my home, and I must welcome you to the Cross-roads. This is where your fate will be decided.”